DEAR MISS MANNERS: My girlfriend has done a lot for my family and me, but my family shows little enthusiasm for her. How can I get them to appreciate her more and to reciprocate what she has done? I live in fear of them attacking her or being cynical about romance itself.

She has helped me get a job, gotten me a raise, written letters to my family, gotten me a huge discount on rent, given my family free food, etc.

GENTLE READER: Your girlfriend seems to have an inordinate amount of influence over your career and financial status. Miss Manners is further struggling to see how many of these attributes could be reciprocated by your family, or how you made the leap to the possibility of them attacking her.

Is it possible that your family is (perhaps unfairly) reacting negatively based on past patterns, relationships or behavior? A solution might be this: "Kelsey is really trying to get to know you, and she is important to me. Please treat her kindly. I would like her to be around for a while."

The subtle implication -- that the family might be responsible for the fact that previous partners are no longer in the picture -- will likely not be lost on them. Perhaps it will shame them into more gracious behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About a year ago, we received a "save the date" from a couple identified only as "Max and Jenny," with their photo and the date of their planned wedding. Neither my wife nor I recognized the names or the photograph.

We put the date on our calendar, expecting to hear more later. Now we have received another notification, postponing the date for another year, presumably because of COVID. This card also had only their first names and photos, and we still did not recognize them.

It did have a return address, which we did not recognize, either. Should we contact the couple via mail to ask who they are? We are wondering for whom we should be saving this date.

GENTLE READER: No doubt these are the children of work acquaintances, or of high school friends. Miss Manners can only suggest that you look up the address for more clues (or at least a last name), decline the invitation or resign yourselves to blindly attending a mystery event.

Wedding couples should take the note: If you are going to expand your guest list to people with whom you are not in regular contact, at least provide some helpful and telling leads.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am cursed with terrible handwriting. Sometimes even I can't read what I have written. When I try to write legibly, my writing looks like that of a 5-year-old.

Which brings me to thank-you notes. If I hand-write them, they are illegible or ridiculous-looking. Is it acceptable to write my thank-you notes on the computer? It makes more sense, but feels wrong, though I don't really know why. Well, I sort of do: because it seems impersonal. But is that reason enough to have to send bad handwritten notes?

GENTLE READER: Or, as Miss Manners helpfully suggests, you could simply take efforts to make your handwriting less bad. You do not get an etiquette pass for an issue that is, at least partially, in your control.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've been studying with a teacher, a married man, to learn about intuition and other skills for a few years. My late husband and I took an extended course from this man, and we are now working together on an online training program. He and I are close, but not romantically.

The problem is that things have been uncomfortable for several months now. He once gave me a goodbye kiss on the neck, which startled me; all I could say was how much I love him and his wife AS A COUPLE.

I assist with his online teaching and reviews, and he has been putting me on the spot in uncomfortable ways. I finally called him on it, and he told me he had been "pushing my buttons" on purpose and "testing me."

I was horrified, and his comments set off a cascade of memories seen in a new and ugly light. I recalled that he had acted similarly in a class with my husband present, too.

Maybe that shocking kiss was a "test." Maybe any little thing he's ever said was a manipulation. He speaks of simplicity, truth and love; he puts out duplicity, falsehood and manipulation. I no longer trust him.

I want to keep the friendship, even so. How can I unwind all this? I feel that I need to somehow reconcile the new information with my memories. Please help me find a polite and clear strategy.

GENTLE READER: If this person taught you intuition, then you should certainly be equipped to properly invoke yours.

Miss Manners' own intuition is screaming alarms that he is either terrible at what he does or -- much more likely -- using his so-called teachings as an excuse for bad behavior.

Why you should want to maintain a friendship with someone proven to be duplicitous, false and manipulative --not to mention a sexual harasser -- she cannot imagine. If you feel you need to maintain the professional association, at least remember that you are no longer his student; this is a business relationship now, and as such, you should not be subjected to childish and manipulative tactics.

"If we are to continue to work together, then we must be able to trust each other," you might say. "I do not wish to be put through any wayward maneuvering, and I am certainly not interested in a romantic relationship with you."

What you are interested in -- and why -- confounds Miss Manners, but she will keep those churlish thoughts to herself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently lost one of my brothers to complications from COVID. His son was the contact person during this awful time, and has stayed in touch.

My other brother has two adult children who have not reached out to express their condolences. I am not sure how to express my dismay at their lack of compassion. What would you suggest?

GENTLE READER: "How are Corey and Dash holding up? Please tell them that I would be grateful to hear from them during this terribly tragic time."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is in a specialized field where jobs are hard to come by, but when they do, they are very profitable.

What can I say to nosy acquaintances who ask why he isn't working, and tell me he should just take any job because he has to make money? I feel they don't understand the extreme specialty of his career choice and are just giving unsolicited advice.

GENTLE READER: It is for such situations that the title of "consultant" was invented. Who is to know whether or not he is working hard, dispensing sage advice for a profitable fee, even if he is not actually going to an office?

Miss Manners trusts this will be easy to maintain in a field that no one understands, so long as your son is willing to play along.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful mother-in-law, and we have gotten along well over the years. Although we are close, I still have to be careful not to hurt her feelings.

My issue is probably not as important as most, but I truly don't know how to handle it. My MIL lives a few states away from us, so when we go to visit, we stay for almost a week. I am a serious coffee drinker in the morning: I love, love, love my hot cup of coffee when I get up. I enjoy the ritual, the taste and the morning conversation.

So what's the problem? My MIL makes the worst cup of coffee I've ever had. She has an old drip coffee machine. When the coffee is done, it is barely warm, and gets progressively colder as it sits. When I add cream, it becomes gray in color, and has a weak, nasty flavor. This coffee is bad.

Once I gently teased her about being one of the last few people to have a drip machine, and she was very defensive. I have subtly mentioned she should try some of the new individual-cup coffee makers, but the suggestion gets shot down quickly. I don't think she would be open to one as a gift, either.

Would it be rude for me to hop in the car and go get a cup of coffee from the local barista? Please tell me I don't have to drink her coffee!

GENTLE READER: If Miss Manners understands the problem correctly, the coffee is the priority, but hurting the mother-in-law would be a serious inconvenience, and possibly also wrong.

Going out for coffee is an acceptable solution if you can avoid discussing your destination. A better one would be to have your spouse buy a new coffee maker "for the house" and plug it in without warning. Mothers have been known to forgive offspring for much more serious transgressions. Having your spouse pretend that it is for his or her comfort, not yours, will make things easier; calling it a gift will not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)