DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are there any special rules that apply to old boyfriends who are friends with a married lady? Should we be held to a higher standard than other opposite-gender friends when one of us is married and the other is not, because we once had a romantic relationship?

I've started corresponding with my college girlfriend after many years. She is happily married to a fine gentleman I hope to meet after the pandemic, and I am very happy for her. Though I haven't seen her in years, I would like to do so again. For any future invitations, should I invite her husband along on every occasion?

Am I limited in complimenting her and expressing any feelings for her? I wish to behave as innocently as my feelings are. I certainly do not want to offend anyone or cause any misunderstandings.

GENTLE READER: Time was, it was generally believed that any male and any female, if left together, would get right down to doing one thing. Thus there were chaperones, parietal rules and other awkward devices for denying them the privacy to do it. If a married person was involved, it would be cause for divorce on the grounds of adultery.

Miss Manners is surprised to see this exciting, but unlikely, assumption surfacing in modern times. There is even a new term besmirching warm, opposite-gender friendships: "emotional affairs."

But there are many different types of emotion. And friendship -- even deep friendship, which can be felt for more than one person -- is not the same as romantic passion, which, in theory at least, should be limited to one at a time. Many friendships make for a rich life; many romances make trouble.

Yet we throw boys and girls together in educational, social and work situations, only to condemn them if they maintain any opposite-gender friendships -- or, indeed, form new ones -- after marriage. Miss Manners considers it a poor commentary on marriage if the partners cannot be trusted to form lesser bonds without breaking faith. Such marriages undoubtedly exist, but their problems have deeper roots.

Now we come to the extra element when, as in your case, there was romance in the past. Generally, we consider it civilized for exes to turn into friends.

But the key question in an individual case such as yours is how the lady and her husband think about this. Some husbands are amused at former boyfriends resurfacing, giving them endless material with which to tease their wives. Others fear that the old flame will reignite.

By all means, start by seeing the two of them. After that, you can ask her if he would feel left out if you and she had an occasional lunch. But you might find that you want to be friends with him, as well. Or instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When your child gets a divorce, when should you put the wedding pictures and other family photos away?

GENTLE READER: When your child gets a divorce.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our vice president is being addressed as "Madam Vice President." I realize she is the first female vice president in the United States and so this usage is precedent-setting. However, to my ear, this usage doesn't seem to be the female equivalent of the way American presidents are addressed ("Mr. President").

Wouldn't true equivalency be "Ms. Vice President"? In the Francophone diplomatic world, "madam" is used for both female ambassadors and wives of ambassadors, which further muddies the water.

GENTLE READER: There is another muddle in that water: You are confusing "madam" with the French honorific "madame."

"Madam" is a perfectly good English word -- the equivalent of "mister," with a dash more respect added. Thus it is the correct way to address someone of high rank, married or not (as it is used for female royalty in England). In direct address, it is abbreviated as "ma’am," equivalent to "sir" for males.

As Miss Manners recalls, the precedent was set by the previous highest-ranking female in U.S. government. When Madeleine Albright became secretary of state, she became "Madam Secretary," as she entitled her memoir.

You need not feel bad about your mistake; the entire last all-male United States Supreme Court was unable to figure out (and failed to research) the equivalent for "Mr. Justice" for their first female peer. So, like many people who are bewildered by the emotional controversy about titles, they dropped the courtesy entirely, becoming simply "Justice."

It saddens Miss Manners when those little touches of respect disappear.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an openly lesbian female, though I have only had a couple of brief relationships. I'm not butch, but I do have a masculine side to me. I don't wear makeup or dress "girly" -- always jeans and a T-shirt.

My daughter is getting married next year, and she wants me, as the mother of the bride, to wear a dress. I feel that I don't look good at all in dresses, and also, I have a lot of tattoos that were done at home and are really bad.

I asked her if I could wear a suit, but she doesn't really want me to. I have a year to figure this out. Should I wear a dress that she thinks I look good in? Or should I wear a suit and be comfortable?

GENTLE READER: Your daughter will be able to amass huge support from countless sources that will declare that it is "the bride’s day" and she gets to have she wants.

They are all wrong: They all encourage a bride to be selfish at the expense of others. And Miss Manners fails to understand why your daughter would want you to feel uncomfortable during her wedding.

She can ask you to dress up for the occasion, but that does not mean it has to be a dress. She can make suggestions. She can offer to go shopping with you. But you are an adult, and the final decision is yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a small grocery shop that also serves microbrew beers on tap, I brought some fresh vegetables to the counter to purchase. I paid by credit card, and when I was presented with the screen to add a tip (a choice of 15%, 20%, etc. or no tip), I added a tip as I would have done at a restaurant.

A similar thing occurred at a different shop that sells both groceries and prepared food. I was offered the tip screen, although my purchase was groceries only. I paid a tip there, too. I thought it felt rude not to tip when clearly being asked to do so, and I want to tip when it is correct. The employee is personally right there, showing the tip screen to the customer.

GENTLE READER: Which is a wonderfully effective practice. It worked on you.

But as manipulative as this was, one does not, Miss Manners assures you, have to fear being rude to a machine.

She is further of the opinion that tipping should be abolished altogether in favor of better wages. But as the practice still exists, it is necessary to supplement underpaid workers, and reasonable to expect that it generally be utilized for service and delivery only.

To further complicate things, however, she makes an exception for precarious times like this, when workers are risking their health and well-being for ours.

In that case, Miss Manners is inclined to be generous. But she still does not like being bullied into that generosity by a machine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son and daughter-in-law, who are expecting their first child, live in Europe, whereas the rest of our extended family lives in the United States. Relatives have started sending gifts to us to forward to them abroad. There are no explanations with the packages, just the assumption that we will ship their gifts overseas.

Is this our responsibility? If not, how do we handle what I suspect is going to be an ongoing situation? Case in point, we just received an annual family calendar with their names on it.

GENTLE READER: As the latter is a recurring present, you might inform the giver now that they have the wrong address and avoid subsequent mis-deliveries. As for the rest, Miss Manners strongly encourages you to tell your son and daughter-in-law to send out baby announcements with their European address clearly marked.

For those items already in your possession, you can also make this the new parents' problem. They can: A) figure out how to have them sent or B) leave enough room in their luggage to bring them back when they visit.

Or -- and this may be the most likely solution -- you may get their agreement to keep them at your house, as they probably already have everything they need for the baby back home. Then your grandchild will have lovely things at your house when they come visit. If your local friends notice that the presents are still with you, you may always say that solutions A and B are still in process.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)