DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've just completed my second vaccination shot for COVID-19 and, though I feel lucky and relieved, I've dealt with much resentment from others who have not been able to receive their shots yet.

I've been asked such questions as, "Who did you have to bribe?” or "What makes you so special?” and the like, all of which have been insulting and hurtful. It makes me sound as if I barged my way to the head of the line or pulled strings, which I didn't. How should I deal with snarky remarks over something that I should be happy about?

GENTLE READER: Pretending not to understand is one of Miss Manners' favorite techniques for countering rudeness. "Surely,” her quizzical look is meant to convey, "you cannot have meant to accuse me of fraud. I must have misheard you.”

It is particularly effective in deflating those who think they are being charming, funny or genuine, as it demonstrates that you were neither charmed nor amused nor impressed by their inconsiderate honesty. And it avoids the bother of having to take offense at casually offensive behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am about to get a doctorate degree, and I am the first in my immediate family to attend graduate school. The school has just announced that each graduate can have two guests at the ceremony.

I'd like to invite my mom and my sister, whom I feel have been the most supportive and interested people during my years in graduate school. When I told my mom this, though, she was upset that I didn't want to invite my stepfather and said he would be heartbroken.

My stepdad and I aren't close, he isn't paying for my school (I am), and he hasn't expressed much interest in my classes other than conversation filler at holiday events. My sister and I went through a long period of not speaking, so she wasn't invited to any of my prior graduations, whereas my stepfather has been at all of them. He did graduate from the same school where I'll receive my diploma -- albeit his degree was a bachelor's in another field -- but other than that, he isn't really involved with my accomplishment.

Am I obligated to invite my stepfather to my graduation instead of my sister? Will inviting him to an at-home graduation party suffice?

GENTLE READER: Even if etiquette were inclined to rank family members, that would not solve your problem, which is how to assure your mother that your stepfather would not actually feel slighted. Miss Manners states the problem thus not merely because it is accurate, but because it suggests a solution.

Tell your stepfather how sorry you are not to have a third ticket for him, and that you know he will understand that your past history with your sister makes it imperative that you invite her. Even if it turns out that your stepfather did want to go, he will have to give his blessing when so approached. And once you have your stepfather's acquiescence, your mother's will follow.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am happy that our 21-year-old son still lives with us. He is our only child, and his father and I are not eager to be empty-nesters at this point. We enjoy his company.

He is an extremely hard worker, putting in long hours running a division of the family business, and he leaves for work around 4:30 a.m. As his neatnik mother, I make his bed for him most days (though he DOES know how). When he arrives home, it's neat and tidy.

Miss Manners, my issue is with his girlfriend, who spends a few nights here each week. I like her, and as they are both adults, I am OK with this arrangement.

I know that when she arrives, the bed is made nicely. However, when they leave together in the morning, the bed is either left unmade or haphazardly thrown together. Also, her empty or half-empty beverage containers are left on the dresser.

I have occasionally given them both a friendly reminder about making the bed. As she is a guest, is it unreasonable that I should expect her to make up the bed as it was? At least she could suggest to my son that they do so together. Perhaps I'm old-fashioned. Are my expectations reasonable? Is there a gracious way for me to let my feelings be known?

GENTLE READER: Have you tried just asking them to shut the door after themselves?

As more adult children continue to live with their parents, confusion has naturally arisen over the etiquette. Your son is not a guest, but neither is he a child. His girlfriend's presence increases the confusion.

Miss Manners is gently indifferent to whether or not you continue to make your son's bed, but is clear on some points:

First, an adult child is expected to exercise the empathy and judgment of the former, not the latter. That means your son should be expressing occasional gratitude if you make his bed -- or getting your assent that, as it is his room, it is his decision to leave it unmade -- and doing what he can to be helpful around the house.

Second, the girlfriend is a long-term guest, which means that she, too, should offer to help out. The way to establish an understanding is to discuss your mutual expectations and obligations with your son, leaving him with the job of telling her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are the manners about answering text messages? We cannot always respond right away, but shouldn't some response be warranted? I see that some of my recipients have "read” my message, but they do not respond. A quick acknowledgment would be nice, or is it not needed?

GENTLE READER: Not all communications require an answer: You do not have to return a call from a salesman trying to sell you something. But those that do require responses do so irrespective of the technology. Two responses -- telling the initiator that you have seen their message and will respond later, and then doing so -- are only required if you cannot respond in a timely manner. Miss Manners does not, however, agree that timely and instantaneous are the same thing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I keep receiving high school -- and even college! -- graduation invitations from the parents instead of the graduate. I always thought they should come from the graduate. What do you say?

GENTLE READER: That new graduates ought to be able to have their own parties with their classmates and friends without being shown off to the parental circle.

That declaration should antagonize a great many parents who will carry on about how proud they are of their offspring. As well they should be. Miss Manners would think it enough to tell their friends, rather than to summon them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Prior to the pandemic, we socialized a great deal with various neighbors, inviting them into our home for cocktails or meals. All of that stopped a year ago.

However, my spouse and I have now been vaccinated for COVID, and I know that some of our neighbors have been, too. We would like to entertain again, limiting it to one or two other couples at most.

Of course, when one says “vaccinated," that can mean different things: One spouse has been vaccinated, one hasn't; one or both have just started the process; both spouses have been vaccinated and enough time has passed that it is as effective as it will be, etc.

Without causing hurt feelings, how does one go about inquiring whether or not a couple have finished the vaccination process? I am hesitant to issue a conditional invitation ("If you both have been, then you can come," etc.). Since these are not necessarily close friends, it's impossible to know their vaccination status ahead of time.

Will you please suggest how to proceed? I do not wish to add to the already plentiful supply of malice and hurt feelings that exist.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, such inquiries might make you seem like those youngsters who go around asking classmates what grades they got in order to show off their own.

Yet you do need to know. How fortunate, then, that it is charming simply to declare how eager you are to see your friends.

“We miss you, and hope to see you when it is safe,” you might write. “As soon as you are both finished with vaccinations, we would like to schedule a celebratory dinner.”

Miss Manners advises sending these to separate individuals or couples, rather than in a group message. It is more flattering, and more practical for the small gatherings you seek.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I extolled the qualities of a restaurant to which I proposed bringing a onetime love interest. Her question was, "Who did you go there with?"

Similarly, I later related my excitement at being served a particular dish at another restaurant. Again her question was, "Who did you go with?"

Is this not completely unacceptable?

GENTLE READER: Certainly. She should have said “whom.” Miss Manners quite understands your dismay.

Oh, you mean that it was nosy of her to ask with whom you had dined. Well, yes. It would seem that the lady does not feel that your onetime interest was enough, but that you do. To discourage her, you might say, “and I suppose my next guest will be asking who you are.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)