DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister and I are very close, and we chat about every other week. About a year ago, she moved across the country, so now (and especially with COVID) we don’t have the chance to see each other in person.

She is married and is her daughter’s primary caregiver, so she has her hands full. When I initiate a phone call, it usually goes to voicemail. Whenever my sister calls me (or calls me back), she always makes it a video call, and she always has the phone’s camera fixed on my 2-year-old niece.

I am happy to see my niece and interact with her, but I find it impossible to have any kind of meaningful conversation with my sister in this format. I tend to keep these video conversations brief (about 10 minutes or so).

Months ago, my sister complained that I don’t really talk to her anymore, so I explained that it is difficult when every time we talk, the camera is pointed at my niece. She replied, “Well, (niece) just wants to see you!”

I know she does this same video call thing with my mom, who absolutely loves it -- it is her first grandkid. How can I tell my sister that this is a real problem for me? I know she is sensitive about this topic and I feel like this is a potential minefield!

GENTLE READER: It may be worse than sensitivity. You may be threatening a few precious moments of your sister’s sanity.

While your niece is on the phone with you, her mother may be getting a quick chance to wash a dish or dash off an email. This might be why she is reluctant to change the system.

Miss Manners suggests that you address both problems -- delicately. Ask for separate calls, making certain to start each week with the niece. Then tell your sister that, having spent valuable one-on-one time with the little one, you would now love to have a grown-up chat just with her.

Acknowledging both needs (even if indirectly) and agreeing to do your part will go a long way toward getting your own time together.

And soon enough, your niece will be getting her own communication device and the separate calls can be more defined. Or she will be unavailable -- except to exasperatedly assist her helpless elders with their technology.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here is a common but difficult conundrum: At the bank, I was greeted by a lovely older security guard. His fly was down. I mentioned it to a gentleman bank employee, who then told the guard. It all felt terribly awkward. Oh, and this probably matters: I’m a not-young woman.

GENTLE READER: Matters how, exactly? Miss Manners is curious if it is the “young” or the “woman” that you consider problematic. Regardless, she assures you that you handled the matter perfectly. A not-old man could not have done better.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a frequent basis, I’m told I look like a former television personality who got caught up on the wrong side of the #MeToo movement. This person is considered attractive by many, so I should be flattered. However, this person is several years older than I am, so it doesn’t necessarily make me feel great.

I realize people are trying to compliment me, but I really prefer not to hear I look like this person -- or any person, for that matter. Is there a tactful way to respond to someone when it happens next?

GENTLE READER: Comparing someone’s looks to anyone else’s rarely goes as intended. Much like witty observations about another’s name, it tends to fall flat, cause insult or has been heard 38,346 times before.

To discourage it, Miss Manners suggests that you say something to the effect of, “Oh, no! I’m sure no one wants to be associated with that person right now.” Or, “Oh, dear! I suppose I will have to up my skincare game.” Realizing that the intended flattery has failed should make people less inclined to press on -- or try it again on others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper, or even OK, to send someone flowers after their colonoscopy? She is a dear friend.

GENTLE READER: Then do her the courtesy of not referencing the medical procedure on the accompanying card. Miss Manners will now spend the rest of the afternoon trying to get that particular image out of her head.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For my 16th birthday, my grandmother had a very large amethyst made into a custom ring for me. She was not a typical “sweet” grandmother, and this was the only birthday gift I received from her after entering high school. I adored that ring and wore it nearly every day.

A few years later, it went missing. I looked everywhere, but it was gone. More time passed, and I visited my cousin for her wedding. She was wearing my ring on her finger! I have discovered that my grandmother stole it from my jewelry box a few years after she gave it to me, and then gifted it to my cousin.

I have been devastated about this for many years, and will be seeing my cousin soon. I would like to address this and have my ring returned to me, but not embarrass myself, my cousin or our mothers. How should I handle this?

GENTLE READER: Carefully.

You would be accusing your grandmother of theft -- and the rest of your family of aiding and abetting her. In addition, you would be taking something from your cousin that she no doubt values as much as you did -- and to whose nefarious circumstances she was previously oblivious.

Miss Manners suggests that instead you approach the conversation with low expectations of getting the ring returned as you tell your cousin this “funny story” about Nana. If she knows your grandmother as well as you do, she will believe it is possible -- especially if you do not immediately ask her to hand over the ring in question afterwards.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a flight attendant with a major airline. However, one of my lifelong dreams is to finish school and become a registered nurse. When the pandemic began, I had the opportunity to take a leave of absence, and I applied to a nursing program to get my degree.

For about the past four years, I’ve been friends with a co-worker who always claimed she’d been a practicing, licensed RN before she decided to fly. She would tell me stories about her job as an RN and would, on occasion, give me medical advice (for me, and for my family).

Upon getting ready to start nursing school, I stumbled across my state’s Department of Health website with the names of everyone who has a current or inactive state license in many fields. Everyone from cosmetologists and tattoo artists to RNs and MDs can be found on that list. Out of curiosity, I entered my co-worker’s name and discovered she is not, and has never been, an RN. She was instead an X-ray technician!

I decided to bring it up with her. I kindly explained that I wasn’t angry, just mostly confused and hurt as to why she would do this. I had hoped she would come clean and we could’ve gotten past it, but she didn’t.

First, she continued with her fantastical story and insisted she was indeed an inactive RN. And when she realized I was no longer buying into it, she became furious with me. She deflected and started making strange accusations that somehow I had “exploited” her, saying that “real friends don’t do what you did!”

As a result, we are no longer friends. A part of me feels relieved that I learned about her deception. But another part of me feels bad that I may have worsened some deep insecurities she might be dealing with.

Should I apologize? Should I just go on with my life? What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Your expectation that your friend, when called (no matter how kindly) a liar, would come clean was unrealistic. She was offended, as Miss Manners could have told you she would be.

This would have been so even if, as you believe, her untruth was clear and indefensible. And can we be so sure that that was the case?

Even if government records were always accurate, there could be any number of circumstances of which you are not aware. Your friend could have registered in another state, for example. In other words, she may not have been Lying in a capital-letter sense -- or even in any sense.

It was neither friendly nor gracious to be absolutely confident in your own diagnosis. It also served no obvious purpose. (Miss Manners discounts “revealing the truth” if only because your approach did not do that: Your friend’s angry response is not a confirmation of guilt.)

Apologize. Your penance will be having to listen to your friend’s explanation, even if it unintentionally seems to confirm her guilt.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)