DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a flight attendant with a major airline. However, one of my lifelong dreams is to finish school and become a registered nurse. When the pandemic began, I had the opportunity to take a leave of absence, and I applied to a nursing program to get my degree.

For about the past four years, I’ve been friends with a co-worker who always claimed she’d been a practicing, licensed RN before she decided to fly. She would tell me stories about her job as an RN and would, on occasion, give me medical advice (for me, and for my family).

Upon getting ready to start nursing school, I stumbled across my state’s Department of Health website with the names of everyone who has a current or inactive state license in many fields. Everyone from cosmetologists and tattoo artists to RNs and MDs can be found on that list. Out of curiosity, I entered my co-worker’s name and discovered she is not, and has never been, an RN. She was instead an X-ray technician!

I decided to bring it up with her. I kindly explained that I wasn’t angry, just mostly confused and hurt as to why she would do this. I had hoped she would come clean and we could’ve gotten past it, but she didn’t.

First, she continued with her fantastical story and insisted she was indeed an inactive RN. And when she realized I was no longer buying into it, she became furious with me. She deflected and started making strange accusations that somehow I had “exploited” her, saying that “real friends don’t do what you did!”

As a result, we are no longer friends. A part of me feels relieved that I learned about her deception. But another part of me feels bad that I may have worsened some deep insecurities she might be dealing with.

Should I apologize? Should I just go on with my life? What should I do?

GENTLE READER: Your expectation that your friend, when called (no matter how kindly) a liar, would come clean was unrealistic. She was offended, as Miss Manners could have told you she would be.

This would have been so even if, as you believe, her untruth was clear and indefensible. And can we be so sure that that was the case?

Even if government records were always accurate, there could be any number of circumstances of which you are not aware. Your friend could have registered in another state, for example. In other words, she may not have been Lying in a capital-letter sense -- or even in any sense.

It was neither friendly nor gracious to be absolutely confident in your own diagnosis. It also served no obvious purpose. (Miss Manners discounts “revealing the truth” if only because your approach did not do that: Your friend’s angry response is not a confirmation of guilt.)

Apologize. Your penance will be having to listen to your friend’s explanation, even if it unintentionally seems to confirm her guilt.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During the pandemic, there are a lot of services that I’ve forgone out of an abundance of caution. Now that the vaccine is rolling out, I’m looking forward to resuming a lot of these activities -- like getting my hair cut, returning to my personal trainer and visiting my therapist in person.

I’m in the last category that will be offered the vaccine, so I probably won’t be vaccinated until the summer, or even later. So my ability to safely resume these activities may depend on whether the service provider is vaccinated.

What is the etiquette around inquiring about this? Is it a question I can, or should, even ask? If so, is there a proper way to go about it? I generally feel that someone’s medical history is their own business, but the pandemic has upended so many other social norms. Has it shifted this one, as well?

GENTLE READER: Avoiding intruding into another person’s medical history has certainly become more difficult, but that is not a reason to give up.

Your concern, Miss Manners would have thought, is not actually whether the providers have been vaccinated, but the more general question of what steps they are taking to minimize the risk of infection.

This is a perfectly proper question. You will not have done anything wrong if they volunteer their vaccination status, just as you are at liberty not to return yet if their reassurances do not assuage your concerns.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our neighbors of 40 years ask us to take care of their cat when they go away for more than one night. It’s usually for four days or so, and we are happy to go next door to make sure the cat has fresh water and food and to give him some people-time.

When we had a dog, these same neighbors were insistent that we not board her when we traveled -- frequently for 10 days to two weeks -- because she would be better off in her own house, and that they were happy to come over to give her food, water and people-time. I always brought something back for them from our travels, or made something for them as a thank-you gift -- a basket that I made, filled with homemade goodies, for example.

We recently took care of the cat for a few days -- Thursday to Monday, maybe -- and as thanks, we were given a couple of very nice homemade hot pads and a $50 gift card. The time before was a $50 gift certificate to a local restaurant.

It’s way too much for the little that is asked of us. We would like to give the gift card back to them, but we don’t want any hurt feelings or to have them think that they can’t ask us to watch the cat in the future. Help?

GENTLE READER: Turning down presents already given is an insult, so Miss Manners wishes you joy with the hot pads and the gift card. But it will be charming when you assure them that you love Sugar and are thrilled to be able to return the favor after all those years in which they looked after Chester.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I were watching the news when our adult daughter called on the landline. My wife answered, and I muted the TV as she returned to her chair for what ended up being a 15-minute conversation.

When she ended the call, she saw that I was a little annoyed. She asked why, and I said that I thought she was being rude by having that one-sided chat -- she didn’t either leave the room or put the call on speaker so I could participate.

She said she didn’t see the rudeness, and that I could have taken the TV off mute while she continued to talk on the phone. When I asked her to look at it from my perspective, she said she still didn’t see the rudeness.

The rest of the evening was pretty frosty. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That, like many homebound people during the pandemic, you and your wife are going stir-crazy. There is no reason that so trivial a domestic conflict should have turned your evening frosty.

You list the measures your wife could have taken, but Miss Manners has a similar list for you: You could have gestured that you wanted to be part of the conversation or that she should take the call in another room. Or you could have turned the television sound on low -- just loud enough to have driven her out of the room.

Please tell your wife that you don’t know why you were so upset, so that she can say the same to you. Domestic peace must be restored.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a church-group friend with whom I share a weekly social video visit. We are retired, have much in common, are generous in helping each other, and laugh a lot.

However, now that her political party is out of power, she has been interrupting me often, and she patronizes me if I respond to her diatribes with civility and kindness. She has made presumptuous and negative statements that I consider verbally abusive.

She has said that I am told what to think and do, while she has the actual facts. This, to a woman with an international career and a daily habit of scanning the news in six international papers, in two languages!

I feel that she has now expressed the contempt she actually had for me all along, and wonder how you recommend handling this.

GENTLE READER: Have you tried asking (civilly and kindly) for a ban on discussing politics?

And it doesn’t work?

Next method is to refrain from arguing, and instead to encourage your friend to elaborate on her statements and explain her feelings. Questions should be asked in a neutral tone: Where did you hear that? Have you investigated it? Have you always felt this way? Does your family feel the same way?

That might not work, either. In that case, Miss Manners agrees that it is best not handled. Perhaps when you meet again in person, the friendship can resume if the lady is more respectful.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)