DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I help my girlfriend learn to use the correct words during our conversations in English without constantly correcting her?

When I interrupt her to suggest the correct words, it appears to be more frustrating than helpful for her.

GENTLE READER: Much like with autocorrect, alternate suggestions while one is trying to convey a coherent thought are not as helpful as they might seem to the instructor, who is supposed to be listening to the ideas being conveyed.

If you want to avoid coming across as Henry Higgins (because there is little chance that that relationship lasted), Miss Manners suggests that you and the lady make the lessons reciprocal. Devise a plan to learn each other’s languages at designated times -- and not during regular conversations. In other words, let the rain in Spain stay mainly on the plain.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college professor, and students often ask me to write letters of recommendation for them for medical school, or other professional applications where such letters are required.

I am happy to write them. However, they take time to write.

The students are aware that I have complied when the letters are submitted via their application portals, and they receive an email of their receipt. But they will often not even acknowledge my recommendations with a simple “thank you” in an email, much less a thank-you card for writing them. This has been ever more consistently the case, and I am tired of writing recommendations without even receiving a thank-you for the time I spent.

Am I asking too much of this college generation? It makes me not want to write any letters of recommendation anymore, but I know this is unfair to the few who do acknowledge the time and effort I put into them. It’s impossible to know beforehand who will at least be polite enough to send a simple email.

What would you suggest I do -- not write these letters anymore, or just not expect any thanks? Any other suggestions?

GENTLE READER: That you have more to teach your former students.

Just because one may be electronically aware that the letter has been posted does not mean that it should go unacknowledged.

The one excuse Miss Manners will concede is that often, students are not privy to the content of that letter, and therefore uncertain of the degree of gratitude owed -- if any at all.

You might preempt that -- while also prompting thanks -- by saying, “I trust that you know by now that the letter I wrote for you has been received. I wanted to let you know that your attributes have been rightfully praised and I wish you success with your admission. Please keep me informed of what happens.” If, at that point, they still do not respond to thank you profusely, then you may privately despair.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have owned a very lovely bed and breakfast in a boutique community for 15 years now. In the last year, I have noticed an upswing in guests being wantonly destructive.

For example, we had a woman dye her hair bright red in her bathroom sink and then wipe her hands on the vintage wallpaper, leaving unfixable stains. This guest then disputed the repair charge, which left me with the repapering bill.

Could you recommend a gentle and non-alienating way to ask guests to not to destroy my home? Or perhaps verbiage for a sign? I really do generally enjoy the guests, but I simply cannot afford to repeatedly replace wallpaper and antique paintings that have been stolen right off the wall.

GENTLE READER: Shortly after hoteliers started calling their customers “guests,” they learned the downside of advising the clientele to make themselves at home.

There is, in Miss Manners’ vocabulary, no such thing as a paying guest. She mentions this to provide context for her solution: You are in a business relationship with your customers, which not only gives you the right, but sets the expectation, that you will establish clear terms.

A deposit against damage, and a written explanation that it may be used to return the room to the condition in which it was found, is reasonable and practical. No list of the ways in which a client could damage the property will ever be complete -- and it might give them ideas.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My three friends took me out for dinner for my birthday and paid for everything, as this is something we all do for each other. The next day, two of them talked on the phone and realized they hadn’t left enough of a tip.

One of them called me and said, “I know you won’t like this, but we just realized that we underestimated the tip. We want you to go back and give our waitress $15 more.”

I was offended and stunned, and suggested that one of them do it, since she lives close by. This friend responded, “No, we want you to do it, and I’ll pay for your drink next time we go out.”

I said OK, but now that I think about it, it really bothers me. I would never ask this of her, or anyone. Am I overreacting?

GENTLE READER: Friends ask one another favors. But friends also do not insist on compliance -- particularly if the favor is potentially embarrassing. “We want you to do it” reeks of coercion, not to mention conspiracy.

Had you been able to ask Miss Manners in the moment, she would have advised you to avoid the trap of assuming any responsibility for finding a solution: “I’m sorry, I just can’t.” If you cannot bring yourself to make good on your word, already given, a full-blown apology is going to be required: “I’m so sorry, I agreed because I thought it wouldn’t bother me. But it does; I’m embarrassed. I know I said I would, but please don’t ask me to do this.”

This may be more trouble than delivering the retroactive tip.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Six of us couples take turns entertaining and dining at all but one of our homes. One couple seldom entertains, as the husband is a clean freak who does not want his home dirtied. Additionally, he has stated that it is the inviting couple’s responsibility to prepare a vegetarian dish for him.

We are obligated to invite this pair because of the relationship they have with one of the other couples. Your thoughts/response for these non-reciprocating guests would be appreciated.

GENTLE READER: Your individual is a porcupine of rudeness, or the vegetable equivalent, who sticks you no matter what your angle of approach.

As host, you do want to know he is vegetarian so you can prepare a meal from which he does not go home hungry. But how you solve that problem is up to you.

His refusal to reciprocate violates a basic tenet of hospitality. And his justification -- that he does not want his house sullied -- implies that you are dirty (without the humor of Groucho Marx’s injunction, “Go, and never darken my towels again”).

If he and his spouse cannot be separated from the other couple, then perhaps the other couple can be confided in and asked for a solution. Could the offending pair not host a different type of event, perhaps post-pandemic, away from their home?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been using a small family company to clean my home for the last year or so. It is owned by a lovely couple, but they often bring a third cleaner, who may vary each visit.

Today I was organizing my jewelry box, and found that five pairs of earrings are missing. All are very special to me: gifts for graduations, milestone birthdays and my first holiday with my husband. They were stored in small boxes, and now the boxes are all empty.

I don’t know when they went missing, as these are special things I only wear from time to time. But I would never empty all the boxes at once and misplace five pairs.

I don’t have proof, and don’t want to accuse anyone unfairly. But I am devastated and don’t know what to do. Should I talk to the company owners, and what should I say?

GENTLE READER: Asking for help is far easier -- and will be more effective -- than making accusations. Tell the owners that you are horrified, but you believe you have been robbed and ask if they, or their employees, noticed anything suspicious.

There is no need to finger one of their employees as your primary suspect; they will be wondering the same thing. But by naming the crime, you make clear that you are not just asking if they have seen something you yourself misplaced.

Miss Manners warns you against undue optimism. Your conversation is unlikely to end either with the couple telling you that they found everything next to the dog’s sleeping area and hadn’t gotten around to telling you yet, or that they fired an employee they caught with another customer’s television in her back seat and will be bringing your earrings over tomorrow.

It may end with them saying that they had another customer report items missing, which will provide you with information you can, if the issue cannot be solved more gently, take to the police.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)