DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single lesbian woman in my early 30s. Because I don’t intend to stay single, I registered on a Christian dating site that allows LGBTQ people to join. My profile page lists my sexual orientation and I clearly state that I am looking for a woman.

I get quite a lot of responses. Unfortunately, most of them are from men. The men who send me messages fall into three categories:

First, there are the men who clearly didn’t read my profile page.

Second is the group I call “the preachers.” Their messages can be summarized as, “Repent, sinner, for the Kingdom of God is not for people like you who give in to their sinful homosexual urges” -- often accompanied by a couple of verses from scripture. Some leave it at that, while some offer themselves as a date so that they can save my immortal soul by letting me date someone of the opposite sex.

The third group consists of men who respond to “I’m a lesbian” with “Challenge accepted.” I have been told that I “don’t look lesbian”; I’ve been asked whether I’m a “real lesbian” (as opposed to what?); and I’ve been asked how I would know that I’m not attracted to men. Two men flat-out wrote that I just hadn’t been with someone like them (which almost made me throw up).

As a rule, I respond to all personal messages, because I believe that to be the right and polite thing to do. But these men make me question that rule.

What is Miss Manners’ opinion in the matter? Is one obliged to answer a message from someone who clearly didn’t take the effort to read even the most basic information on a profile page?

And how does one respond in a proper way to men who wish to “convert” a lesbian to dating them?

GENTLE READER: No, it is not necessary to respond. But if you feel you must, Miss Manners suggests: “Thank you, but as I stated in my profile, I am only interested in dating women. My preferences are as unlikely to change as your own.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After dinner one evening, a guest was unable to dislodge a bit of food in his teeth. He asked me for a toothpick, showing some disappointment when I couldn’t find one.

The next day, he gifted me with a pack of them, hoping that I would keep them on my dinner table for future use. I graciously accepted them, but quietly put them away.

What is the acceptable usage of toothpicks after meals these days? As much as I want to accommodate my guests, I’m really not crazy about them picking their teeth in front of me, or others, after dinner.

I realize that it was routinely done in bygone days, before the dawn of modern dental hygiene, but times have changed. How would Miss Manners tackle the situation now?

GENTLE READER: By keeping the toothpicks in the guest bathroom, where you may then politely direct your guests saying, “I am sure that you would like some privacy.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I did a DNA test and found out that I am not biologically related to one of my parents, who passed on some years ago. This was subsequently confirmed by my other parent, to whom I am biologically related.

I will confess that this did cause my internal gyroscope to precess a bit, but I am pretty much reconciled to the situation now, and there is certainly nothing to be done about it.

However, one thing did and does bother me. In one of our conversations, my surviving parent referred to themselves with a horrible slur word. I informed them that I certainly didn’t think of them that way, and that I never wanted to hear them refer to themselves that way ever again. I then pointed out that if I ever heard tell of someone else calling them that, that person would get a swift slap upside the head -- since that kind of person is not really worth the effort of making a fist.

I am certain that Miss Manners would disapprove of the action (though not the reason). I would hope that the situation never arises, but if it did, could Miss Manners please suggest what would be the appropriate alternative?

GENTLE READER: To slapping someone in the face? Pretty much any of the other options. Interesting psychology there, too, that people who insult themselves are not then worthy of the effort of hitting someone else who does so.

Miss Manners is indeed aware of your good, if misguided intentions: to get people to stop calling themselves incendiary names. In place of physical harm, she suggests, “I’ll kindly ask you to refrain from insulting the person responsible for my existence, whom I happen to hold in the highest esteem, and to whom I am extremely grateful for any behavior which caused my birth.”

And then refrain from adding -- or asking about -- any further details.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old daughter is wonderful in many ways. She is attending a university on academic scholarships and getting excellent grades. The problem is that she seemingly always dresses provocatively.

The most recent was a Sunday afternoon all-female baby shower, held outdoors at a park pavilion. She wore a very short, clingy dress in a pale pink color (looked nude).

I was embarrassed! I am not a prude, and I understand there are times when a young woman wants to look alluring. I have tried to talk to her about the difference between “classy sexy” and “trampy,” and that there is a time and place for everything. She only gets defensive. What, if anything, can I say or do?

GENTLE READER: It is a teenager’s destiny to spend that time dressed inappropriately.

However, Miss Manners encourages you not to succumb to the distasteful idea that one should dress modestly so as not to give others “the wrong idea.” That notion is insulting and outdated.

Instead, she suggests that you appeal to your daughter’s sense of professionalism. “You know, soon you will be applying for internships and jobs, and knowing how to dress for the job that you want can be so important. Contacts and connections can be formed anywhere, so you might be wise to start practicing now.”

But if your motherly warnings do not take, rest assured that the phase will not last long. And you will have lots of embarrassing photographs with which to taunt her in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been the executive assistant of a prominent person for the past 10 years. I take care of matters both within the executive’s company and in his personal/family life, as is common at this level of my profession.

My question involves an error made by the executive’s wife. She had personal stationery printed for the use of the family many years ago. Unfortunately, the address on the stationery reads, “The Johnson’s” (name changed).

I cringe every time I see the misplaced apostrophe, and for 10 years I’ve been biting my tongue, not wanting to insult my boss’s wife. We have a friendly, warm relationship developed over a decade, and she has given me many compliments about my knowledge of grammar.

Have I waited too long, or should I speak up so she has a chance to reprint the stationery correctly? I don’t want her to be embarrassed when she sends correspondence to people who might notice the error, or have her mistake reflect poorly on my boss, or anyone in the family.

Should I send her a gift of reprinted stationery and not mention the error?

GENTLE READER: You are The Person Who Gets Things Done in this relationship, so Miss Manners advises you to take advantage of it.

Volunteer to arrange for the next printing of the stationery -- surely, after 10 years, it is time. Before you put in the order, send the wife a note explaining that you just realized that the apostrophe is in the wrong place and confirm that you, fortunately, caught it before it went to the printers. The implication that you initially missed the mistake will remove the sting. And you won’t have to pay for the printing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s aunt recently passed away. Her obituary stated that there would be a graveside service. We arrived at the cemetery, and five minutes before the service was to start, an announcement was made that it would be held inside the mausoleum.

Given the number of people and the close placement of chairs, we decided not to go in. Had we known the service was to be indoors, we would not have gone in the first place.

Even so, we fear we were rude to leave. On the other hand, we live in an area where COVID is spiking, and we were just not willing to take the chance.

GENTLE READER: Your concern for your own safety is understandable, but thinking more about others would have solved your problem.

You could have stood outside by the open door and, when invited inside, explained that you wanted to make sure there is room for anyone who would not feel more secure staying outside.

Miss Manners can anticipate your next objection: that you will not be able to see or hear the service while standing outside. When you play cards, are you in the habit of showing your hand to anyone who asks? Being able to act as if you can hear and see what is going on -- even when you cannot -- is a basic life skill.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)