DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my friends is the only person I know who is computer literate, but refuses to own any means of electronic communication. She owned a computer several decades ago, but once they stopped servicing the operating system, she got rid of it.

She won’t buy a tablet or smartphone (she says she can’t afford it, although before the pandemic, she was going to the theater once a week). And she won’t even carry a flip phone so she could text (which she claims she doesn’t know how to do) or at least be available via phone when she’s out -- e.g., if she’s coming to see me or we’re meeting somewhere. Before the pandemic, she used the computers in the library to check and send email every few days, but of course, that is not possible now.

Since she knows how to use a computer, is intelligent and has no visual or manual impairments, I consider her behavior selfish.

This really hit home when my partner died last year and I realized that Luddite Friend was the only person out of over 100 whom I could not notify, either by group email or social media. (I realize you may think those methods are tacky, but I found it a stress-reliever that I did not have to tell the same story over and over.)

I intensely dislike out-of-the-blue social phone calls, especially during an emotionally difficult time, so I conveyed the news of my partner’s death to this woman in a letter and sent it by snail mail.

I am at the point where I have pretty much stopped interacting with Luddite, because it annoys me that she has turned herself into such a high-maintenance project. She has no impairments, and she isn’t even doing this out of principle -- just out of laziness, selfishness or fear. I’m not sure which.

Is she being selfish, or am I being unreasonable? I suppose, to be honest, I should add that she is not someone I would have chosen as a friend; my communications with her are basically out of duty because she was my partner’s friend.

As a demographic footnote, she is in her mid-70s, but so are many of my other friends, all of whom have somehow managed to join the digital age in one form or another.

GENTLE READER: How dare this person, whom you do not even consider much of a friend, not be available to you whenever you choose to summon her?

And she made you write a letter! And she spends her money on the theater!

Over the years, as technology has developed, Miss Manners has been subjected to outbursts such as yours every step of the way. People were angry at those who used answering machines, saying they were rude not to pick up immediately. Soon after, they were angry at those who didn’t have answering machines, because they couldn’t leave a message.

Along came email, and people were angry at those who did not have it. Then they were angry at those who kept emailing instead of texting. And when everyone had a telephone, people like you were angry at those who telephoned them.

However, having informed your partner’s friend of the death, you have no further obligation to be in touch.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We mailed a birthday gift to our granddaughter, and our daughter arranged a video call to let us see her open the present.

To our surprise, our daughter admonished us for not sending a gift to our grandson so he would not feel left out. She stated it was proper gift-giving etiquette to send a gift to our grandson, even though his birthday is in June.

She said this to us in front of her husband and our granddaughter. This was embarrassing to my wife and myself.

We have never heard of this etiquette rule. Was our daughter correct? We love our grandchildren very much, and it was our belief that we did the right thing.

GENTLE READER: Your grandson will be sorely disappointed when his sister receives an Olympic gold medal one day and he is not automatically issued the silver.

Your daughter is subscribing to the idea that no child should be trusted to tolerate another’s milestones, success or good fortune without receiving similar compensation. But how else will they be taught the valuable life skill of knowing that everything is not about them?

Miss Manners assures you that you did the right thing. You may tell your daughter that your grandson’s present is certainly forthcoming -- in June, when it is his birthday, and not his sister’s.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would appreciate your advice in navigating a difficult situation. My husband’s niece, Anna, and her fiance, Greg, were planning to marry this year, but the pandemic prompted them to wait. About two months ago, Greg was diagnosed with terminal cancer and they began planning a more immediate wedding.

Then Greg took a turn for the worse, and hospice care was arranged in their home. They moved the wedding up to Friday, and they were married. Sadly, Greg died a few hours later.

Should we give Anna a gift of some sort in honor of her marriage? A wedding gift seems bizarre under the circumstances. My idea is to get her a beautiful picture frame, possibly sterling silver, and include a handwritten letter on my good stationery.

Perhaps you have a better idea. Please steer me in the right direction regarding a gift, how it should be wrapped, when it should be delivered, what phrasing I should use in my letter, etc.

GENTLE READER: A silver picture frame, wrapped in subdued colors, accompanying your condolence letter sounds lovely. You can reference the wedding only to say that it was beautiful -- or that you heard it was, if you were not in attendance -- and how sorry you are not to have gotten to know Greg better as a family member.

Miss Manners agrees with your impulse to downplay the wedding part, but your niece clearly meant to forever link the two events. You would do well to similarly, if delicately, acknowledge their bittersweet bond.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I live in a large condo community. In beautiful weather, we often keep our windows and the sliding glass door to our balcony open.

Some new people moved into the apartment below us, and several times each day, we noticed an extremely pungent cloud of marijuana smoke enter our apartment. I cannot overstate the strength of the smell-cloud that enters our place -- it feels like he’s blowing it directly into our faces.

We tried to work out the mechanics of how this was happening, and we think the neighbor is standing just outside his door, probably so as not to be seen, and releasing the smoke straight up.

We hemmed and hawed endlessly about how to approach our new neighbors about this. This is a community where no one really knows each other, even before the pandemic, so we’ve never interacted with them, even though we share a stairwell.

We thought a well-written note would do, but we weren’t pleased with the thought of our relationship starting with a stern note asking them to do what may be impossible (find a way to control your smoke). An in-person conversation seemed even more daunting, though this is what most of our pot-smoking friends recommended. Calling the police is not something we want to do at all -- we have no problem with their smoking pot, even though it is still illegal in our state.

We ended up just closing the door and windows on that side of the apartment every time we started to smell it. There may have been a few days of annoyed door-slamming, hoping they’d get the hint. No dice.

I’d like to figure out the friendliest, most polite way to open a conversation about this. What would Miss Manners recommend?

GENTLE READER: “I am sure that you’re not aware, but your smoke comes directly up to our apartment. I wonder if you’d be willing to enjoy your materials off to the side instead.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am so fortunate and grateful for my dentist and his dental team. What is an appropriate thank-you gift? I have yet to see plants or flowers in the office. I bought a thank-you card once, but did not send it. It seemed not to express the depth of gratitude in proportion to the care they provide.

Childhood dental trauma led to adult PTSD, and I can be quite a lot to deal with sometimes. I am much better now, due to my continued hard work and their consistent patience and compassion.

GENTLE READER: At the outset of your inquiry, Miss Manners would have said flowers and a note were perfectly suitable. Depending on your definition of “a lot to deal with,” however, she fears that something more like a statue erected in their honor might be in order.

As a compromise, she suggests a lovely heartfelt letter. The acknowledgment that they have made such a difference in their patient’s life will be ultimately worth (almost) more than lavish presents. Especially if, when they inevitably display the letter in their waiting room or on their website, it brings them more business.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)