DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should you address the president and his wife in correspondence? Would the proper honorifics for correspondence with the current president and his wife be Mr. Joe and Dr. Jill Biden?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps you ask because of the kerfuffle about whether the title “doctor” should be used by doctors of philosophy. That should not be an issue in this case, because it is known that the lady in question does use it.

But there is a different, almost-forgotten rule that applies here. That is that the president of the United States is the preeminent person by that surname, as is the president’s spouse, and therefore their first names are not used.

Miss Manners realizes that this doesn’t make much sense, but then, tradition often doesn’t, and that is not always a disqualifying factor.

A silly example: In the 19th century, Caroline Astor, the wife of William Astor, was considered by some, most prominently herself, to be the leader of New York society. She therefore insisted upon being just “Mrs. Astor,” while others who had married into the family needed to specify which (lesser) Mrs. Astor they were -- that is to say, it was necessary for them to use their husbands’ full names.

Still following? And let’s not get sidetracked by the formal nomenclature of ladies, in which their own given names were not used, let alone their surnames of birth. It was accepted at the time.

Finally, the answer to your question:

“The President and Dr. Biden.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me the proper way of addressing an envelope to a Supreme Court justice and his or her spouse.

GENTLE READER: These questions did not arrive at the same time, but Miss Manners is gratified to know that citizens are addressing their government leaders respectfully, whatever it is that they intend to say.

Allowing for spousal titles or different surnames when applicable, Supreme Court justices and their spouses are addressed as:

“Justice Fairman and Mrs. Fairman” or “Justice Wisdom and Mr. Wisdom.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a couple got married, she decided to hyphenate her maiden name and her husband’s last name.

Is it proper for the husband also to hyphenate his last name by taking her maiden name, i.e. her maiden/his last? Would this be legal on important papers? People are doing some strange things these days, and I can't keep up.

GENTLE READER: Don’t even try.

Recognizing the limitations of the 19th-century terms, “Mr. and Mrs.,” and delighted to see the return of the 16th-century term Ms., etiquette recklessly decreed that every lady could decide for herself; and, although it less often comes up, every gentlemen can decide his own name. That makes work for others, memorizing each individual’s preference, but Miss Manners thought people would be happy having the choice.

No such luck. They want to enforce their choices on others, and they take insult when someone fails to remember their particular choice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why do you call your readers "gentle"?

GENTLE READER: In the hope that they will become so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a videoconference is scheduled for a certain time, does one “arrive” 10 minutes ahead of time in order to try to connect and solve any technical problems? Or does one arrive at exactly the time announced and then start solving technical problems -- and then wait while others arrive and solve THEIR technical problems?

Although I think that the online event should resemble an in-person meeting, where attendees arrive early and the meeting begins at the scheduled time, it appears that most webinars only begin to allow attendees into the virtual room at the meeting time. So it is only then that you realize your technology isn’t working, or that the link is incorrect, and you have to hurriedly troubleshoot while others do the same.

I am new to the world of doing everything online like this, so I wondered if there were established protocols that I don’t know about.

GENTLE READER: The new conference rules, Miss Manners finds, are not so dissimilar to meetings held in person: Try to arrive early, and be prepared for congestion.

Hosts should arrive at least a few minutes in advance to prepare for timely guests, but all involved should exercise patience and good humor at inevitable delays. At five minutes past the start time, however, if a quorum is achieved, the meeting may reasonably start.

Finally, inevitable latecomers and those having trouble with their technology should make efforts to cause as little interruption as possible. That is where “mute upon arrival” will be sorely missed when we finally return to the physical world.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just opened up my electricity statement, and the bill seemed way too high. I looked at the usage history, and the kilowatt-hours listed for each month ranged from two to three times my actual usage.

I then noticed that the bill was for my next-door neighbor. Oops. In the morning, I am going to deliver the bill to my neighbor and apologize for inadvertently opening it.

Should I mention that their bill looked really high? Maybe their meter is malfunctioning, or maybe they have some really energy-consuming equipment running in their house. Or maybe they kept their house at 40 degrees during the summer (though I doubt this, because the bill was outrageously high every month).

Once I noticed it was their bill and not mine, I stopped looking at it. But what do I do with the information I learned when I thought it was my bill? What is a good neighbor supposed to do in this circumstance?

GENTLE READER: Nothing. This was not your bill, and quite literally not your business.

Miss Manners has, however, noticed that some electrical companies provide helpful neighborly comparisons to show how one could reduce bills through their service. Let them do it.

As the neighbor, you surely don’t want to damage relations by appearing nosy -- or be similarly subjected to unsolicited advice from them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in a relationship with someone, but not living together. I have a key to her place, and recently locked the door when I left after a visit, so she would not have to get out of the chair she was sitting in with her dogs. She yelled at me not to lock her door, that she could lock her own door.

Was I wrong trying to be courteous and lock the door behind me? I told her she could have her key back -- that way, I wouldn’t be able to lock the door behind me, since she thought it was very rude. She said that wasn’t the point and to keep the key.

Was I being rude? What is your opinion?

GENTLE READER: That this whole argument might well be more metaphorical than literal. Miss Manners suggests you find out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I went to a takeout restaurant and took my finished order to a bench to eat it. They had given me another item, probably more expensive than I ordered, and something I like quite a bit. I went back, showed them the item and the error, which they acknowledged.

However, they were unwilling to give me the correct order without taking back the error, which was now unsuitable to be served again. I said no, that they should give me my original order without demanding the other.

I suspect it was a special order, and that there was embarrassment about failing to give the proper buyer his or her order. I prevailed. Was I right, or should I have surrendered the salmon misoyaki?

GENTLE READER: Online retail giants have spoiled us. Not only have they made consumers think that anything more than free, two-day shipment is outrageous, but they have also warped our thinking by giving us the occasional freebie in place of a return -- when the reality is that the transaction is inconsequential to them and not worth the trouble.

Now we have come to expect it. However, in the small business world, a retailer’s mistake does not cancel out the need to hand over the goods. That is the nature of a return. The noun is also a verb, and it requires action.

Miss Manners is therefore afraid that you should have surrendered the salmon -- even while she cringes at the image of the rightful recipient receiving prehandled food.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to ask someone their name if you forgot it? I have found myself in this awkward situation numerous times and never know what to say.

GENTLE READER: “I am so sorry -- I know that we have met before, but please tell me your name again. I’m Jacinda Wilsome.”

Miss Manners assures you, however, that you can only get away with this tactic once before you start to test the person’s patience -- and powers of forgiveness.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)