DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with Elizabeth for almost 20 years. We met because we were both active in an activity our children were in. When we were on equal footing -- both married, working, etc. -- things were fine.

Five years ago, my marriage fell apart in a spectacular way that became the talk of the county. Elizabeth was so supportive during this time. About two years later, Elizabeth began an affair and eventually left her husband.

I supported her when a lot of people didn’t. Cheating was a big part of my marriage ending, so I told her it wasn’t something I would do, but we can be different people as well as friends. She has had subsequent problems, during which I have again tried to be a good friend.

After she moved herself and her children into a house she couldn’t afford on her own, her boyfriend left her. I again tried to be supportive.

Here’s the problem: While she feels like her life is spinning out of control, mine is going great. And it seems like the better I do, the nastier she becomes. I try not to bring up anything positive about my life with her, because then she says things that make me uncomfortable.

It’s getting to the point where I don’t know if I want to be close friends with this version of Elizabeth, which is difficult because we’re both still active in the same activity where we first met. We have moved in the same circles for so long, our lives are very much intertwined.

Do I need to find the understanding from somewhere to continue to try and be supportive, or is it really time to distance myself from my best friend? If it is time, how do I go about doing it without causing any more disappointment or pain in her life?

GENTLE READER: There is a tendency to take offense where none is meant, perhaps to claim sympathy as a victim. Miss Manners is not accusing you of this. She merely notes how surprising it is that people like you accept the premise that your good fortune is a rebuke to her reverses.

It is not, which is why Miss Manners is not charmed by people who admit being jealous of a friend’s happy news. As decent human beings, we are supposed to be pleased by one another’s successes. That baser feelings exist is not a reason to indulge them -- or to reward bad behavior.

There is a world of difference between bragging about something to the point of hurting someone’s feelings, and simply being happy to share one’s good fortune. The former is, indeed, worthy of censure; the latter is supposed to leave you time to show empathy for the less fortunate.

The proper responses to unpleasant remarks by Elizabeth are silence and a change of subject. If this does not discourage the behavior, then it may indeed be time to back off the friendship, while remaining on polite professional terms. This can be accomplished by the same pauses applied on a larger scale -- namely, calls less frequently returned, and finding that you have less time to spend with her.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a time when young college students were already becoming intolerably rude in the classroom, virtual teaching has brought them to new lows.

Students have sent me hectoring emails -- some making various demands (in all caps), some outright attacking my professionalism. One parent actually emailed the university president with what amounted to an overreaction to her daughter’s struggles in the class. Reminders of proper netiquette have not improved this behavior.

GENTLE READER: History does not record that the invention of writing was accompanied by a rash of intemperate cuneiform proclamations later regretted, but it would not surprise Miss Manners to learn that it was so.

We are, as a species, strangely apt to forget the recipient of our communications when they are not staring us in the face.

What is quickly discovered, after the initial shock of each new communication technology, is that its permanence -- the ability to share it with the human resources department -- can be used to curb misbehavior. Ethan cannot deny his own words when they are right there in stone or clay or print or your inbox.

Miss Manners is confident that your university has written policies about respect and civility, although she cannot promise anyone has read them. If gentler corrections have failed, remind students -- and, if necessary, their parents -- of such policies, adding that you hope not to have to forward their correspondence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very good friend of ours is getting married in a couple of weeks, after a postponement because of the pandemic. The guest list has been cut in half because of restrictions, but she REALLY wanted us to be there, and we agreed.

We are feeling hesitant about going, as we are older. But we feel that we have passed the time when it would be acceptable to send our regrets, since she has paid for food.

How should we proceed? Wear masks and keep our distance from everyone as much as possible? There will be a meal provided, so people will have their masks off to eat. We are struggling to know what the right thing to do would be.

GENTLE READER: Let us first agree that the most worrisome problems, if you decide not to go, are the rudeness of rescinding an offer after you have accepted it and the hurt it will cause your friend -- not the quantity of leftover duck breast.

Miss Manners constantly rejects the modern tendency to justify every whim in the name of medicine, but her objections do not extend to actual health risks. Failure to attend when you are sick is not rude, nor is staying home because doctors say that you are more susceptible to a virus that is wreaking havoc worldwide.

Whether you choose to exercise this option is a question for you, not etiquette. If you decide not to attend, call your friend and convey your great sorrow and remorse. Were she less aware of the contributions and sacrifices of the medical community during the pandemic, Miss Manners might have added that you could blame your absence on your doctor’s over-solicitousness.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a household member who has very bad manners. He lies around on the couch all day, expects us to provide all his meals and has never even offered to help with the dishes.

He also has atrocious hygiene habits, resulting in horrible breath. He tracks in dirt and leaves from the yard. We don’t even try to plant flowers or grow a garden because he ruins any landscaping he sees.

Sometimes, when I am ready to turn in for the night, I will find him asleep in my bed! I will have to actually wake him up and ask him to get out of my bed so I can go to sleep. Worst of all, he regularly wakes up my husband in the middle of the night just to announce that he needs to use the restroom. This happens almost every night!

We love him very much, but we just don’t know how to address these issues. I swear, if he pees on another bush during a family walk, I just might lose it.

GENTLE READER: Does he happen to be your pet? Or your son? He doesn’t sound all that lovable to Miss Manners, but then, she is not his parent.

Your choices are:

1. Engage in some overdue training.

2. Lose it.

You will notice that the former would have the least serious consequences.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s sister became a first-time grandmother when her son and his wife welcomed their first child. The new mom and dad created an online photo album, sent out invitations to everyone to join and view it, and they add many baby photos daily.

Many relatives signed up for the album, but they are now all complaining about the many emails, arriving multiple times during the day, saying that new photos have been uploaded. Anticipating all these email notices, I never signed up. Now my sister-in-law is wondering why I have not joined the photo album group.

Yes, a new grandchild is wonderful, but not when the whole family is bombarded with photos ad nauseam.

The family wants to know: Is there a tactful way to inform my sister-in-law that most relatives have no interest in this? Or do we all suffer and wait it out for the new parents to slack off with the photo-taking, like most parents eventually do?

GENTLE READER: Come, now. You would not really become nauseous by looking at pictures of a new baby relative. And you don’t even have to look at them. Miss Manners presumes that you have a delete key.

There are times -- engagements, as well as births -- when a fond family indulges such foolishness, knowing that it won’t last.

You could sort all those emails into a file, telling yourself -- and, if necessary, the proud parents -- that you want to examine them at leisure. That time might even come, as an alternative to playing solitaire.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)