DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a household member who has very bad manners. He lies around on the couch all day, expects us to provide all his meals and has never even offered to help with the dishes.

He also has atrocious hygiene habits, resulting in horrible breath. He tracks in dirt and leaves from the yard. We don’t even try to plant flowers or grow a garden because he ruins any landscaping he sees.

Sometimes, when I am ready to turn in for the night, I will find him asleep in my bed! I will have to actually wake him up and ask him to get out of my bed so I can go to sleep. Worst of all, he regularly wakes up my husband in the middle of the night just to announce that he needs to use the restroom. This happens almost every night!

We love him very much, but we just don’t know how to address these issues. I swear, if he pees on another bush during a family walk, I just might lose it.

GENTLE READER: Does he happen to be your pet? Or your son? He doesn’t sound all that lovable to Miss Manners, but then, she is not his parent.

Your choices are:

1. Engage in some overdue training.

2. Lose it.

You will notice that the former would have the least serious consequences.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s sister became a first-time grandmother when her son and his wife welcomed their first child. The new mom and dad created an online photo album, sent out invitations to everyone to join and view it, and they add many baby photos daily.

Many relatives signed up for the album, but they are now all complaining about the many emails, arriving multiple times during the day, saying that new photos have been uploaded. Anticipating all these email notices, I never signed up. Now my sister-in-law is wondering why I have not joined the photo album group.

Yes, a new grandchild is wonderful, but not when the whole family is bombarded with photos ad nauseam.

The family wants to know: Is there a tactful way to inform my sister-in-law that most relatives have no interest in this? Or do we all suffer and wait it out for the new parents to slack off with the photo-taking, like most parents eventually do?

GENTLE READER: Come, now. You would not really become nauseous by looking at pictures of a new baby relative. And you don’t even have to look at them. Miss Manners presumes that you have a delete key.

There are times -- engagements, as well as births -- when a fond family indulges such foolishness, knowing that it won’t last.

You could sort all those emails into a file, telling yourself -- and, if necessary, the proud parents -- that you want to examine them at leisure. That time might even come, as an alternative to playing solitaire.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a gentlewoman with white hair who looks her age. In the Before Times, I gratefully accepted displays of courtesy, such as doors being held open for me by gentlemen and ladies.

However, I do not know how to respond when someone holds a door for me but is not wearing a mask. I, of course, am wearing one -- for my own protection, and as a civic duty.

When this happens, I back away from the door and make a gesture of thanks, keeping an appropriate distance and refusing the assistance. To accept would place me within 6 feet of an unmasked person.

What ensues is a battle of wills: me refusing to walk through the door vs. the non-mask-wearing person insisting that I accept his generous help. I have tried explaining my reason, but that never works.

Eventually, the unmasked person gives up, and I open the door myself. How should I handle this situation?

GENTLE READER: That you do not do so by snapping, “My arm’s not broken” is a relief to Miss Manners. We want to encourage the few surviving courtesies.

But not at the risk of your health. The polite way to decline would be to take it upon yourself, saying, “Thank you, but I should stay away from you -- I wouldn’t want to reward your kindness by endangering you.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a Catholic clergyman. Once the dangers from COVID pass and we can resume a semblance of our normal lives, I will be performing a cousin’s wedding ceremony.

The dress code for the reception is black tie. My aunt is insisting that I wear a tuxedo, which, to me, is a very odd request.

I told her I would wear either my religious habit or a black suit with a Roman collar, as they are the equivalent of a soldier’s Class A uniform. They are, simply, the best clothing I own.

In all my years, I’ve never encountered anyone who objected to clergy (or military) wearing their dressiest clothing to a wedding reception, but perhaps I am naive or incorrect. One usually expects clergy to dress like what they are, especially when they’re overtly functioning as such.

My aunt is quite confident that you, whom she calls the “Pope of Etiquette,” will set me straight and tell me that I’m being boorish. My superiors would normally not countenance wearing a tuxedo under any circumstances but, in this one case, they’re sufficiently bemused to have agreed to let me abide by your decision. (However, my habit or a black suit with a Roman collar would be what I would wear to see the actual pope.)

GENTLE READER: And to see Miss Manners, she trusts.

You aunt has hit a new low in attempts to act as costume director at a wedding. Unlike your superiors, Miss Manners is neither bemused nor amused.

Aside from establishing the level of formality, those giving weddings must rely on the judgment of the participants. Even brides who want to dress their bridesmaids alike run into trouble if they allow those ladies no choice.

You really must insist that if you are to perform this wedding, it is in your capacity as a clergyman and you must wear the clothes that are appropriate to that calling.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’ve just had another experience with someone who said something that I didn’t understand. I was at a pharmacy drive-up window for a COVID-19 test. My car window was open, and the communication took place over a poor speaker system while we both wore masks.

I said three times that I didn’t hear her. (I really did hear her, but I couldn’t understand her.) I then apologized and said I couldn’t understand what she was saying. She maintained her same cadence and sound level and repeated her question in exactly the same way every time.

The question/statement I couldn’t understand was “date of birth,” which had been combined into one word, hastily spoken without any questioning inflection. Instead of repeating this same phrase, wouldn’t it have been helpful to ask, “When were you born?” or, “Please tell me your birthday”?

I’ve noticed the younger generations tend to speak in a rapid-fire manner, and it’s very difficult to understand at times. I complimented one young woman at a hospital admissions desk because she was articulate and clear. She said she worked on her speech because it makes her interactions proceed smoothly and quickly.

Do you have the proper polite phrase to use to entice unclear and/or rapid speakers to rephrase the question or slow down?

GENTLE READER: Ask the person to please rephrase the question or slow down. Saying you could not understand -- or, worse, restating “What?” over and over again -- only prompts the speaker to repeat their question, usually with irritatingly increasing volume.

Miss Manners suggests that you heed your own advice and ask politely to have the question reworded. But please do so slowly and clearly, especially behind that mask.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am fortunate enough to remain friends with my most recent ex, which does not change the fact that we broke up (my choice) for legitimate reasons. High among them was his tendency to fly off the handle with little to no warning. Another was his relationship with alcohol.

This past weekend, we got together. As per usual, I found myself walking on eggshells to avoid any sort of blowup. Later, after I’d gone home, I received a number of drunken texts that were inappropriate (not in a sexual way) and made me quite uncomfortable. The next day, he was back to his usual cheery self but, as is too often the case, I found myself still preoccupied with the previous day’s events.

Miss Manners, is there a way to call out someone’s poor behavior that won’t cause matters to escalate? He’s 85% delightful, but I’m always wary of the 15% undelightful side of him that could surface.

GENTLE READER: “You know how much I enjoy your company, but I am in constant fear of angering you --especially when we are drinking. Let’s confine our get-togethers and communication to public spaces and daytime hours until we know that this is under control.”

Miss Manners understands that it may not solve the problem. He could very well blow up right there -- or more likely, apologize and make promises, only to break them. But if you do end up having to give an ultimatum or end the friendship, at least he will have been warned.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)