DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in customer service, and I would like to remind people that, no matter what’s going on in the world, cashiers are people too. We did not make the rules, but could face consequences if customers refuse to follow them.

In the past few days, as regulations change in my corner of the world, tempers are growing shorter, and I find myself and my co-workers to be a sort of lightning rod for customers’ frustrations. We are cussed out, insulted, spit on and threatened over things like no longer carrying items that were discontinued several years ago, or for gentle reminders about the new regulations. Our store could be shut down -- or fined thousands of dollars, which inevitably comes out of employee paychecks one way or another -- for failing to uphold these rules.

I promise, when a cashier politely asks a customer to follow the rules, or double-checks that an order is correct before charging the customer’s card, it is done from a place of compassion.

Being kind to others is not a political stance. And spitting on a waitress, hostess, cashier or service worker is not going to change anything except your ability to return to the establishment in the future.

GENTLE READER: Even casual rudeness to service people during normal times is despicable. What you describe is horrifying evidence that there are people among us who are outside of the realm of civilization.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In a conversation with my mother yesterday -- she is in her early 80s, and I in my early 60s -- we were discussing a wedding invitation that my brother and his wife received. She said that she deduced that my brother’s grown son, who lives with his parents, was not invited to the wedding. She told me that the envelope was addressed to Mr. and Mrs. Joe Blow and did not include “and family.”

That part isn’t the problem. I was horrified that my sister-in-law did not merit the use of her own first name.

My mother is very accepting of changing times. By her word, ideas and voice, one would never guess her age, but I was very surprised that she still thought that was appropriate.

I have been married for 30 years and retained my own last name. Naturally, some people assume I have my husband’s last name, but if I were addressed as if I did not have my own first name, I would find that extremely offensive. To my recall, that has never happened.

My mother insisted (surprisingly for her) that this is still “how it is done.” Can you weigh in on whether this antiquated form of address is still appropriate? We’ve elected you as arbitrator.

GENTLE READER: Both forms are “done”; we allow a choice. Foolishly, Miss Manners realizes, because then people like you decide that not using the form you prefer is an insult.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My best friend recently divorced. Mutual friends have been asking me about the reason they split. What is a polite way to say that it is personal and to mind their own business?

GENTLE READER: “I wouldn’t dream of asking her.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the new lipstick rule? There’s got to be one, right?

I remember that a lady was never supposed to refresh her makeup in public, although I used to see women brushing their teeth on the bus.

The problem now is not being able to put on lipstick at home because you are going to be wearing a mask. Sure, you can put it on when you arrive wherever you are going, but then others see you do it. And besides, then it’s fresh, and you get it on the glasses when you drink.

GENTLE READER: This isn’t the beauty department, but Miss Manners would suppose that there are lipsticks or lip pencils that claim to be kiss-proof, or that you can blot into submission -- or go for a look that concentrates on the eyes.

She will now scurry back to her own jurisdiction.

It has been a century since etiquette conceded that “ladies who painted” (not a reference to Mary Cassatt) might not be entirely lost to salvation. It permitted them to bring out a tiny compact, preferably jeweled, for a slight touch-up.

This was probably a mistake, because soon they were startling onlookers by drawing on their eyes. As you point out, grooming of all kinds has gone public. You can see the entire routine just by pulling up next to another car at a red light.

But if you promise to limit yourself to a quick application and blotting of lipstick, preferably while you park your coat before appearing to others in your pod, she will grant you an emergency suspension of the old rule.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Because of safety concerns, I only invited a select few people to my physical wedding ceremony. Many friends attended virtually.

We received a mix of well wishes, money and gifts from our registry. I was shocked at the spectrum, as the money divide was quite large: Some people gave us $25, some more than $500. I’ve appreciated all the gifts a lot, as I spent as much as a “real” wedding would have cost. And with these crazy times, money is often tight for people.

Some of these friends have upcoming weddings of their own -- some virtual, some not. I was under the impression that about $100 per person was the usual amount to give, but it feels awkward giving that when that wasn’t what we received.

If a guest attends virtually (and doesn’t send a gift), do I give more for their physical wedding, even if I don’t attend? If they are having a virtual wedding, do I give them what they gave me? Are gifting rates different from in-person weddings to virtual ones, even though both are weddings?

GENTLE READER: Please stop this unseemly accounting. Nobody owed you a cent for getting married. Nor do you need to return the amount given when the donor is married.

If you cared about these people enough to invite them to your wedding, Miss Manners would think that you would want to celebrate theirs. There are no “gifting rates.” But the decent thing is to be generous to those whose circumstances are, as you say, tight.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Sadly, these days it’s not unusual to receive requests for prayer, action or positive thoughts for people going through difficulties. When one hasn’t heard any more about the situation in a week or two -- is the person out of the hospital or improving? Has a new job been found? Does the family perhaps need a meal? -- is there a polite way to inquire how things are?

Often, I’ll make a statement rather than ask a question, such as, “You’re still in my thoughts, and I hope things have improved for you. My offer of assistance still stands.” But I don’t get a response, and am still in the dark.

If the situation is still dire, I don’t want to intrude, but if the need has passed and I could be helpful to others, I’d like to move on.

GENTLE READER: There is no need to make these actions mutually exclusive. If those in need are able to ask for help, presumably they will reach out again if there is further necessity. In the meantime, Miss Manners assures you that you may safely otherwise direct your thoughts, prayers and generous deeds to others who may require it --whether they specifically reach out or not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were thrilled when I became pregnant -- in particular, because the baby would be my parents’ first grandchild, something that they’ve been looking quite forward to. I’m generally a very shy person, but as a consequence of their excitement, I made an effort to celebrate each step of my pregnancy with my family, including sharing sonograms, pictures and daily developments.

However, after my baby shower, and much to my surprise, my brother’s wife suddenly revealed that she, too, was expecting, and that her baby was scheduled to be delivered just days before mine. Why she’d concealed her pregnancy for so long, or how she’d been able to do so, have brought up countless questions, none of which have been answered.

My parents are ecstatic over the news, if not a bit overwhelmed. While I am happy for my sister-in-law and brother, I feel ridiculous that they let me amplify my pregnancy for so long while making no mention of their own. Is it too much to press them for an explanation, if not an apology?

GENTLE READER: For what exactly would your brother and sister-in-law be apologizing?

That you felt ridiculous, Miss Manners understands, but to demand an explanation for not wanting to update their relatives 270+ times in a year is unfair. In fact, this couple should be commended for their discretion and in granting you the spotlight, even if it was in the name of gratifying grandparental excitement. (And are you certain that their being overwhelmed is not at the prospect of now being doubly inundated with baby stimuli?)

There is a current and prevailing thought that public advertising of personal events should not be shamed. The same courtesy should be granted for those who wish to keep it private.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)