DEAR MISS MANNERS: Although I am not an artist of any kind, several of my friends and acquaintances are locally known professionals, and others are hobbyists who turn out beautiful work. I am occasionally invited to their openings, and I am never sure what to say to the artist on her big night.

Since I’m not knowledgeable, I can’t make comments like, “The brushstrokes on that camellia are out of this world,” at least not convincingly.

Ideas? Or should I stick to generalities?

Also, I was struck by how much one person’s paintings reminded me of the works of a group of world-renowned Canadian painters. Would it be OK to say something like, “Your take on the rocks and cliffs reminds me so very much of Tom Thompson,” or is that insulting?

GENTLE READER: It is not hard to please artists -- or any other creative people -- with compliments. Any enthusiastic generality will do. And while you are not there as an art critic, Miss Manners has a kind remark even if you really hate the work: “You must be so proud.”

As for comparisons, she suggests asking whether the other artist might have been an influence, which is slightly more respectable than suggesting that there might be some poor imitating going on.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have three elderly lady neighbors in my apartment complex. We’ve gotten closer since COVID, and for many months, we had socially distant drinks on the porch every afternoon.

I have been chafing under the expectation that I will be on the porch with them every day. Further, I don’t feel like I can leave or come back during the assigned time without having to explain myself. They send texts to invite me back to the porch. They keep tabs on me, to the extent that one calls me to see if I’m out when my car is not in its customary spot.

How do I get them to back off? I have told them that I won’t be down as much, and I haven’t joined them lately. I know they mean well and are bored, but the attention is intense. I feel trapped and guilty.

GENTLE READER: But they know where you live.

That does not mean that they need to know what you are up to. Being issued an invitation, or many of them, does not require you to accept. Think of it as a standing invitation (with too many reminders), which you need accept only when you feel like doing so. That they are able to meet often does not mean that you are.

The best excuse is no excuse, accompanied by an expression of regret: “I’m sorry, I can’t this time.” To attend and then leave, it is, “I’m sorry, I have to go now.” Should they dare to ask why, the response should be, “Because I have things I must do.”

And you needn’t answer the telephone when they call to check. An occasional, “Sorry, I don’t pick up when I’m busy” should be enough to discourage that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My twins are 2 1/2. My brother and sister-in-law (who are delightful and lovely, and with whom we get along well) call my son by a nickname that we never use -- think Tom for Thomas -- and misspell my daughter’s name -- think Anne for Ann.

We hardly ever see them because they live far away, so I haven’t said anything about it. I’ve rather been hoping that they’ll pick up the right name and spelling in our conversations, but so far, it hasn’t happened.

We’re going to see them soon, though, and I’d prefer that they get it right. They also have two young children, and they may need a little time to get used to hearing and using the right names. (Not so worried about how the preschoolers spell.) I’d also like to embarrass them as little as possible.

Is there a polite way to say, “We don’t actually call him that,” and “We actually spell it this way”? I’m probably overthinking this, but I don’t want to make them feel bad.

GENTLE READER: Correct spelling may be a battle that you can win. Nicknames, unfortunately, are not.

Miss Manners suggests that you save your energy for the former -- because you and your twins will spend the rest of your lives sustaining it for the latter. Nicknames are almost impossible to guard against -- at any stage of life.

For the moment, however, she suggests that you proceed with correcting those preschoolers. It is much more socially acceptable, and even expected, for you to help them spell things. They can also be a major asset down the line by correcting their parents -- a job that they will no doubt relish, and abuse, in your stead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I turn to you in hopes of finding a reasonably polite and mannerly response to individuals who feel the need to question my use of a handicapped parking space (while displaying a handicapped placard, of course).

Apparently, I do not conform to a particular “disabled” look, which it seems all those with a disability must possess, and individuals find it necessary to point that out -- often using the most unpleasant decibels of their outside voices.

Wishing to avoid a public confrontation, what am I to do? Politely pointing out that not all disabilities are immediately visible has not been effective. An icy glare followed by “Excuse me?” or “What an odd comment” have not produced satisfactory results, nor has simply walking (limping) away.

I would prefer to avoid my last-resort option of unbuttoning my top and displaying the scar bisecting my body, as I am sure that would be unacceptable behavior in a social situation.

GENTLE READER: It would, but Miss Manners certainly understands your frustration. To avoid providing visible proof, how about, “Thank you for your concern, but I assure you that my doctor and the DMV approve my condition -- even if, it seems, you do not.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s family is wildly different in how they view familial relationships than I am accustomed to. I would like Miss Manners to help me work out the propriety of thanking one’s own parents.

My in-laws expect a lot of recognition for their gifts and time, and are very formal with us, sending thank-you cards for perfunctory gifts and favors -- for instance, if we take care of their cats for a day or two while they are away. We know they expect the same in return.

I come from a family that finds the idea of getting a thank-you card from one’s own child, or vice versa, preposterous. Such cards are reserved for major life events or extraordinary favors, and are only considered appropriate for people beyond your immediate family. Instead, a verbal thank-you is the norm. It is also accepted that occasional forgetfulness in this regard will be forgiven, as long as there is generosity going both ways.

I actually found my husband’s family charming at first, as I have a love of stationery that surpasses the number of gifts I receive. However, we now have a toddler (and therefore less free time), and after over a decade, I find my distaste for the formality of the gratitude compounded by my disappointment over the emotional distance that accompanies my in-laws’ expectations.

My husband agrees, and has decided we will stick to fewer, but more intimate, displays of thanks -- such as heartfelt messages and gifts on birthdays, and in-person thank-yous when they help us do something particularly unpleasant, such as lay a patio.

I know my MIL in particular is not going to take this well, and I would like to know how improper we are being before I decide how contrite to be. I really don’t want to take them for granted; I just want the relationship to be more causal and also more genuine. I hope the same for my child in the future.

GENTLE READER: Do you? The problem is that “occasional forgetfulness” quickly turns into constant ingratitude -- and you probably do not want that from your own child, either.

But to be fair, not even Miss Manners writes a thank-you letter to her immediate family for small favors or presents issued in person. In the interest of good etiquette, family harmony and modeling best practices for your offspring, she will make you a deal. Continue writing thank-you letters for major things like heirloom silver sets and down payments -- and she will allow you to forgo them for trinkets and clearing the table.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an involuntary wink and facial palsy due to surgical damage -- but I’m lucky to be alive! I often realize, after the fact, that I’ve unintentionally inflicted discomfort on strangers (such as store clerks) to whom I speak and wink.

What can I say to explain and beg forbearance without seeking sympathy?

GENTLE READER: “Please forgive me; that was involuntary. My eyes tend to sneeze without me.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)