DEAR MISS MANNERS: Thank you for being a thank-you card activist. I was not raised with this practice, and shamefully did not do a thorough job after my wedding, which is something I will always have to live with. But I swear I have mended my ways since.

Nowadays, one’s presents are often delivered directly to one’s home from an online store, and the giver of the gift is able to track the delivery. Oftentimes upon delivery, the giver texts the receiver to confirm that they found the package; sometimes, they even call.

During such a call or text, one is apt to repeat the contents of the thank-you card one wrote within 20 minutes of receiving the gift. Should one do their best to avoid repeating those things during the call or text exchange, so that the card is not redundant?

Some of these givers are not thank-you card senders -- they thank via text or call -- so their mode of action is not in line with the expectation of a card. I like to send cards, but do people who do not send or expect them like to receive them? Am I pushing my ways on them by insisting on sending a card and saving the best of my expression for that format? Am I obliged to have a call and send a card if only the former is the giver’s expectation?

GENTLE READER: The only people who are annoyed at receiving letters of thanks, or other courtesies, are those who resent good manners in others because it shows up their own rudeness.

For them, Miss Manners recommends making it clear that you are not merely observing a duty. Something like, “I can’t help telling you how delighted I was to receive your kind present.”

The instant reaction, by telephone or text, is only necessary to reassure the giver that the item has arrived -- because, of course, you write those letters immediately so there will be only a short gap. You do need to put in your thanks, but by all means, save your eloquence for the letters, where it looks so much better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which of these is the proper way to thank a friend for a gift certificate? Immediately thank them upon receiving the gift certificate; thank them upon purchasing something with it, and include details of what it is and how much you enjoy it (provided, of course, the certificate is used in a timely manner); or, thank them immediately for the certificate, and follow up with another thank-you once a gift is purchased with it?

GENTLE READER: A gift certificate puts the burden on the recipient, but not to the unreasonable extent of having to write two letters. Miss Manners considers it quite enough to give thanks for the generosity and mention the pleasure they will have in choosing what to buy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to sell a gift that was received, but will not be used?

GENTLE READER: Only if the giver finds out about it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I make people aware of the need for safety precautions? I see people on the street who are not social distancing and not wearing masks. I just want to yell at them that they’re being stupid and endangering themselves and others. But I suppose you would say that’s impolite.

GENTLE READER: Yes, and it is also counterproductive and, unfortunately, provocative.

You may be sure that there is not a soul left who is unaware of the recommended safety guidelines. Those who disobey the rules have chosen to do so, for whatever reason -- they don’t believe the science, they consider it a nuisance, or they are indifferent to endangering others.

Compliance, as with etiquette rules in general, is voluntary. That is why it is the law’s responsibility to protect us from threats to life, limb and property. Attempts by citizens to do so do not end well.

Going around yelling at scofflaws is itself a danger. Those who are challenged like that do not apologize and reform; they fight back. Being challenged arouses defenses, which tend to be highly emotional and have occasionally been lethal.

Even milder approaches, such as offering a stranger a mask, are likely to be rebuffed, and probably not pleasantly.

No one would like to see everyone behaving properly and responsibly more than Miss Manners. You would then find her on her front porch, with a book and a glass of prosecco, satisfied that she had accomplished her life’s work.

But she could not accomplish this by running around scolding strangers. When people come to her, it is because they have behavior problems -- their own or, more likely, someone else’s. She endeavors to convince them that considerate behavior is in everyone’s interest; even those who are proudly rude hate being treated rudely. And she helps people refuse to be victimized by others’ rudeness.

But when it comes to physical threats, whether from weapons or disease, she cannot recommend direct confrontation. The practical thing to do is to get out of range.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the polite way to remind your relatives and friends to wear their masks?

GENTLE READER: If those relatives are your own minor children, it is, ”You’re not leaving this house without your mask, and I want you to keep it on; do you understand?”

Miss Manners expects you to recognize that you do not have jurisdiction over anyone else, and therefore should speak only for yourself. You can do this by saying, “I hope you’ll be all right -- I worry about you,” and “I’m following the guidelines, so I think it’s best if we meet online.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to say “Happy New Year,” or is the proper term “Happy New Years,” plural?

GENTLE READER: Are you thinking of getting ahead, so as not to do this for the next few years? It is simply “Happy New Year.” Miss Manners supposes you were thinking of the possessive form used for wishing people a happy New Year’s Eve.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which one is proper: the single mom calling the kids on Christmas Day to wish them a merry Christmas, or the kids calling the mom?

My middle son, 24 years old, called today and left a message saying he was disappointed that I didn’t call him on Christmas. I called him back and said I thought HE should have called ME.

Don’t kids call their parents (or single moms and dads) on special holidays and birthdays, or am I being old-fashioned? I’m confused.

GENTLE READER: Ah, the holiday spirit -- and its many ways to bear a grudge.

There is no etiquette rule that dictates who should initiate holiday calls. Alas, not even ones for single parents. The sole exception may be birthdays, but even those can be initiated by the honoree if they are in regards to receiving a card or present.

But Miss Manners strongly encourages you not to add this to the list of criteria upon which to measure love. Your relationships will be the better for it if you take the high road and simply call your children when you think of it. Even if you are thinking of it because you think they should call you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I cannot consume gluten. For two years now, a relative, who knows this but chooses not to remember it, has given my family candies at Christmas that “may contain wheat,” which means that I dare not eat them.

Last year, I sent a thank-you note saying that “my husband and daughter enjoyed the candies,” hoping the sender would take notice.

Is there a more direct way I can show appreciation for the thought, and yet get the message across that the gift is not appropriate for me -- the one who must both abstain and write the note?

GENTLE READER: Yes: Stop writing that note. Since they are the ones enjoying the present, your husband and daughter should do it. At the very least, it will relieve you of some resentment.

If, however, your relative asks how you enjoyed them or why the letter did not come from you, you may say, “Bart and Lola loved the candies, but unfortunately my gluten intolerance has always precluded me from enjoying them ...” And then Miss Manners suggests that you trail off wistfully, with the implication that next time the problem may be rectified.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband thinks it is proper for him to go to a birthday breakfast with a male friend who knows an old girlfriend of his, and leave me home because I would make a big deal at the breakfast. That’s his excuse.

GENTLE READER: And yours is that you wouldn’t?

If the fault is simply that your husband is still friends with someone who knows his ex, you might not have a legitimate case. If it is that your husband would rather spend his birthday talking about his ex-girlfriend than directly to you, well, then Miss Manners agrees. That might be a big deal.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)