DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in my late 20s, and an alumna of an out-of-state university. On Sundays, I sing and play an instrument at my church’s Mass (which is now being streamed online for remote attendees).

One of the other church volunteers, a gentleman of around 60 years of age, noticed my alma mater’s emblem on the back of my car. He is apparently either a fan or a graduate of the rival university.

Anytime he sees me, he comments on this fact. This usually entails something like, “I see you still haven’t removed that logo,” “Why don’t I take that off your car for you?,” or calling out his school’s traditional game day battle cry.

I’m used to the occasional interaction like this with strangers, and my go-to reply is to smile and say, “Hey, at least we’re from the same state!”

However, after multiple interactions, I’ve started ignoring his greeting and simply replying with “Good morning” or, in parting, “Have a nice week.” He still won’t take the hint that I’m not interested in taking jabs at each other’s schools, and the remarks continue.

I’m not sure if this is his best attempt at friendly conversation (it’s the only thing he ever says to me) or if the rivalry, for him, really runs that deep. Either way, I’d like for this to stop.

GENTLE READER: He means it as a running joke. Can you run when you see him coming?

Miss Manners supposes not. The way to kill a joke is to take it seriously. What you can say the next time is, “You know, I’m so sorry that you are upset by this. I really have a great deal of respect for your school. I don’t think of us as rivals, but as colleagues in the pursuit of knowledge.”

There is nothing like boring a bore to chase him away.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter and her boyfriend have been talking about getting married for a couple of months. They picked a venue that is very convenient for his family and very inconvenient for ours. My daughter does expect us to pay for the wedding, as we have always told her we would.

Here is the issue. They have a “soft hold” on the venue, but he hasn’t given her a ring. They looked at rings about six or eight weeks ago.

This is stressful for me, as we obviously need to make arrangements for this out-of-state wedding. There isn’t any reason not to set a date (e.g., waiting until a new job starts, or until they buy a house).

Would I be out of line to talk to her boyfriend and ask if he is serious or stringing her along? We know and love him, but this is changing my feelings as this stresses out my daughter.

GENTLE READER: Are you concerned that although the couple has chosen a venue for their wedding, the presumed bridegroom may not intend to go through with it?

Or are you just after a diamond ring?

Miss Manners strongly advises you not to make any down payments before you understand the cause of your daughter’s stress and urge her to deal with it. A ring is not necessary, but confidence in the commitment is.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am not happy at all about COVID-19, but I confess that I am happy that no one has invited themselves over to my house lately.

In the past, I have had many guests who just announce that they are visiting, and no amount of hints get through to them. I do like day guests very much, but not overnight guests, as I hate to cook. I also have a health condition that can cause fatigue.

Mostly, I am an introvert and don’t like people invading my space for long periods. I am afraid that when the virus is no longer a threat, potential guests will resume their uninvited visits.

I have tried saying, “I’d love to see you on ‘X’ day, but I think you’d be happier in ‘Y’ hotel for nighttime.” Then the response is, “Oh, but I would feel so much more comfortable being casual and visiting longer!”

I have tried saying, “I am happy to see you, but I don’t cook.” Then they say, “I’ll cook!” but then they make a mess in my kitchen and I end up cleaning for hours.

I know I shouldn’t have to give an excuse, because excuses like my health issue just invite more unwanted, prying questions or well-meaning “solutions.”

I always prefer to stay in a hotel when I am visiting friends in another town. How do I get them to stay in a hotel?!

GENTLE READER: Presumably you sort of like these pushy people, as you do want to see them occasionally (after the pandemic). So you will have to stop hinting and start making yourself clear.

It is not impolite for a potential host to state the terms for a visit. Nor need you be defensive when guests presume to do so. Miss Manners has a few phrases for you to memorize:

“I’m sorry, I’m not having overnight guests. But if you are staying in town, I’d love to see you.” You need not offer an excuse, but if you feel you need one, turn your guest room into a gym, a sewing room or a pet menagerie, so you can state as much.

“I can’t do lunch/dinner, but please come to tea.” That involves only boiling water and putting out a snack.

“You know, I’ve gotten used to virtual visits; it seems that they are so much more focused. So please let me know when you’d be free to have one.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Since when does anyone with manners cut food with a FORK??? Isn’t that what a knife is for?

GENTLE READER: Since about 200 years ago, when the fork was belatedly coming into common use. Before that, most Europeans and Americans ate with their knives -- generally their own all-purpose knives, which they might have also used to kill small animals or clear brush.

Then it came to be considered more civilized to use a fork (which Italians had been using all along), and tableware was already supplied at the table. The fork became the instrument of choice, with the knife only employed for meat and other foods that could not be sliced with the side of the fork.

Miss Manners has chosen to assume that you are more interested in learning history than expressing sarcasm.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m often in groups where the subject of stimulus checks comes up. People will interject that they have, or have not, received what they’d expected.

Due to my high income, I’m not eligible to receive anything. Since I really don’t want to admit how much money I make, I try to just remain silent. However, when asked directly, I lie and say I’ve received mine. Do you see a problem with my lies?

GENTLE READER: As no one should be talking about money in polite society anyway, Miss Manners will permit you to escape. If you define the phrase “I’ve received my due” as having already earned it within a higher income bracket, then the truth is merely being subjected to semantics.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband of three years has a few habits that annoy and frustrate me. I have been trying for weeks during the quarantine to discuss them, but every time I have tried to bring up the topics, his response is immediately defensive.

A few days ago, my demeanor changed because I have been ignoring these habits of his so long now. They are so annoying and I am so frustrated. He knows something is bothering me, causing tears to trickle out and leading me to talk less, be less playful and keep my distance. He even apologized, though he doesn’t know what for.

It is also difficult for me to start the conversation because I know I must have some habits that annoy him, too, but he always answers “no” when I ask. And my housekeeping is far below par, but I get no criticism from him on that, either.

How can I criticize him when he sees no wrong in me? Should I just continue to cry, mostly in secret, eat in another room to avoid his table manners, and talk to him less since I feel less close because of the other annoyances?

GENTLE READER: Surely, your husband would prefer that you communicate with him, rather than ignore him and cry in the closet. No doubt, he has noticed that you are pulling away. And the fact that he appears to be more easygoing, blinded by love and seeing no wrong in you, does not mean that you must silently endure what are presumably correctable habits of his.

It is a difficult thing to teach someone that there is a difference between intention and action, and that undesirable behavior does not have to be a character flaw -- if that person is willing to adjust.

Miss Manners suggests that you sit him down and explain that you love him, but that living together means making adjustments in order not to annoy each other continually. And the quarantine, has, as you said, exacerbated that.

Start small and focus on what can be reasonably changed. She further recommends that you cease forcing him to come up with annoying habits of yours. Nothing good can come from that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)