DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend I’ve known for decades, going back to high school. She’s been very successful in her career (computer stuff), but has had a number of bumps in her personal life: pregnant and married at 17, multiple marriages, horrible family.

But in recent years, she has been telling pretty tall tales about her younger days to new friends: inflating her popularity, denying she did certain things, that sort of thing. I can tell you with unvarnished certainty she was NOT the prom queen.

Rather than call her on a number of outright lies, I questioned her gently. She claims not to remember things, and casually brushes aside truths.

She claims this is reinvention; I call it lying. What do I say to this woman who seems to think that a made-up backstory will enhance any real successes she’s already achieved?

GENTLE READER: “Congratulations, after all this time, on becoming prom queen.”

No, not really. Your friend is pathetic, and needs sympathy more than ridicule.

But we do live in an age of self-glorification. Social media has taught people to spin reality, if not to outright lie about themselves. They have turned into their own press agents, promulgating claims to better-than-reality life.

What Miss Manners finds even sadder is that this apparently sparks depressing envy in those who read such silliness and find their own lives wanting in comparison.

But unless your friend is running for political office, or is otherwise misrepresenting herself in ways that will damage others, you need hardly bother to set her record straight. If you must react, you can keep saying, “I was there -- remember?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette for a stepmom at a wedding? Is it proper for her to attend wedding dress shopping sessions?

This stepmom was not in my daughter’s life until two years ago, when she and my ex-husband married. She had been his mistress prior to that.

GENTLE READER: You will be sorry to hear that etiquette has no rules regulating who shops for the wedding dress. If it did, Miss Manners would have to know more about your case in order to render a judgment: Who suggested the stepmother attending? If it was the stepmother herself, you could tell your daughter, “You know, you don’t have to let Flossie come along.”

If it was your daughter’s idea, it would be better merely to say, “Oh, dear, I was looking forward to just the two of us doing this.”

If neither works, perhaps there can be separate shopping expeditions. Even if your daughter finds what she likes in your absence, surely she will want to bring you to perform such maternal functions as mentioning that she used to be a little girl and now she is grown up and getting married, and pointing out where a tuck here or there would produce an even better fit.

But Miss Manners would also want to know if Flossie is in the fashion business or can somehow get a discount.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been having trouble setting boundaries with my mother-in-law.

Our county is currently under a stay-at-home order. This weekend, she invited her two sisters and two nieces over to my house for a socially distanced al fresco dinner -- one to which I had originally only invited her, her son and her son’s girlfriend (a single household). I found out about the extra guests only a half-hour before they arrived.

I ended up locking myself in my bedroom and refusing to participate. My husband is mad that I did not even come out to say goodbye.

I sent everyone this email:

“Hi Family -- I am glad you enjoyed yourselves on Saturday. I stayed in my room. I was given 30 minutes to come to terms with the idea that the number of the people on my property was going to quintuple. I am an introverted rule-follower, and that is not enough time for me to become comfortable with this idea, especially during the stay-at-home order.

“What I was originally told, and I was given over a week to consider and become comfortable with, is that two to three people would be picnicking in my front yard -- a small, socially distanced group, from one household. This is something I was willing to try as a test run for my mother’s birthday. What I got was more than double the number of guests with only a 30-minute warning.

“(Mother-in-law) is impulsive and unable to consider the consequences of her actions. I do not expect and am not asking that anything change there. The rest of you, however, know this. You also know that (Husband) and I rarely have guests over during normal times, much less during a pandemic.

“So here is what I propose: Next time you are invited to my house and the invitation comes from someone other than me or (Husband) directly, please confirm with us. It could be a simple ‘Hey, what time should I be over on Saturday?’ or ‘Do you want me to bring anything for the party?’ or ‘Can I bring my new boyfriend with me?’

“You all have my email address now. You should have my cell, because I’ve been on a number of text strings, but here it is again. Thank you for your respectful consideration.”

Did I overstep? How can I set boundaries without being rude?

GENTLE READER: Well, you probably won’t be troubled with family visits again soon. While your exasperation is understandable, no good is likely to come from the way you expressed it.

Miss Manners agrees with your husband that locking yourself in was inhospitable, when a wave and apologetic smile, even from behind a glass door, would have softened the edge. And your email could have explained your reaction by saying you were discombobulated by the radically altered plans, and would have welcomed them with advance agreement about guests and precautions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A lifelong friend of mine was incarcerated for a white-collar crime of a rather serious nature, and the possibility of him leaving jail in the next few years seems slim.

I’ve only known him as a kind, friendly and honest person, though the state prosecutors portrayed another side of him. We’ve remained in touch with letters throughout the years, and I do not wish to desert him, especially since most everyone else in his life has.

However, I’m in a quandary as to what to write to him about now. Obviously, I cannot talk solely about what’s happening in my life, which is relatively carefree, and ignore the circumstances of his confinement and the possibility of his prolonged imprisonment. It’s also difficult to wish him “Happy Birthday,” “Happy New Year” or the like, when “happy” is not an operative word in his world at the moment.

Mainly, I would like to convey to him that I’m still his friend and would like to keep a conversation going throughout this ordeal, even if the situation is an awkward one. How can I achieve this?

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that the thing you may both have in common at the moment is leisure time. She suggests that you talk about what you are doing to occupy it, by telling him what books you are reading or shows you are watching. The conversation should therefore be equitable, since you will both be able to make recommendations -- and mutually expand your repertoires.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a sister who lives in another state and calls almost every day. She is an opinionated person who loves to hear herself talk, and a terrible listener. She will tell you what she “knows,” and will argue her point to the bitter end.

She is divorced and has alienated all her children, though she doesn’t understand why. She hasn’t spoken to her only daughter for over a year. We were raised in different households, due to the death of our parents when we were children -- she was adopted by a relative -- so we were more like cousins growing up.

I am thankful to have her in my life, but I’m tired of being on the defensive every time I talk with her. Our last conversation didn’t end too well, so maybe it’ll be a few days before I hear from her.

GENTLE READER: Try just listening. That is likely all that your sister wants, and if you can train yourself to tune out any unwanted information, your relationship will be the better for it.

This is not to say that you should allow yourself to be complicit in any untoward schemes or sentiments. Just a simple, “I am afraid that I don’t agree,” without elaborating, should help quiet her. As she has alienated her other relatives, Miss Manners hopes that this will teach your sister to be more temperate. Or else it will infuriate her to the point of not calling for a while, and then you will at least be given another break.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)