DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been having trouble setting boundaries with my mother-in-law.

Our county is currently under a stay-at-home order. This weekend, she invited her two sisters and two nieces over to my house for a socially distanced al fresco dinner -- one to which I had originally only invited her, her son and her son’s girlfriend (a single household). I found out about the extra guests only a half-hour before they arrived.

I ended up locking myself in my bedroom and refusing to participate. My husband is mad that I did not even come out to say goodbye.

I sent everyone this email:

“Hi Family -- I am glad you enjoyed yourselves on Saturday. I stayed in my room. I was given 30 minutes to come to terms with the idea that the number of the people on my property was going to quintuple. I am an introverted rule-follower, and that is not enough time for me to become comfortable with this idea, especially during the stay-at-home order.

“What I was originally told, and I was given over a week to consider and become comfortable with, is that two to three people would be picnicking in my front yard -- a small, socially distanced group, from one household. This is something I was willing to try as a test run for my mother’s birthday. What I got was more than double the number of guests with only a 30-minute warning.

“(Mother-in-law) is impulsive and unable to consider the consequences of her actions. I do not expect and am not asking that anything change there. The rest of you, however, know this. You also know that (Husband) and I rarely have guests over during normal times, much less during a pandemic.

“So here is what I propose: Next time you are invited to my house and the invitation comes from someone other than me or (Husband) directly, please confirm with us. It could be a simple ‘Hey, what time should I be over on Saturday?’ or ‘Do you want me to bring anything for the party?’ or ‘Can I bring my new boyfriend with me?’

“You all have my email address now. You should have my cell, because I’ve been on a number of text strings, but here it is again. Thank you for your respectful consideration.”

Did I overstep? How can I set boundaries without being rude?

GENTLE READER: Well, you probably won’t be troubled with family visits again soon. While your exasperation is understandable, no good is likely to come from the way you expressed it.

Miss Manners agrees with your husband that locking yourself in was inhospitable, when a wave and apologetic smile, even from behind a glass door, would have softened the edge. And your email could have explained your reaction by saying you were discombobulated by the radically altered plans, and would have welcomed them with advance agreement about guests and precautions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A lifelong friend of mine was incarcerated for a white-collar crime of a rather serious nature, and the possibility of him leaving jail in the next few years seems slim.

I’ve only known him as a kind, friendly and honest person, though the state prosecutors portrayed another side of him. We’ve remained in touch with letters throughout the years, and I do not wish to desert him, especially since most everyone else in his life has.

However, I’m in a quandary as to what to write to him about now. Obviously, I cannot talk solely about what’s happening in my life, which is relatively carefree, and ignore the circumstances of his confinement and the possibility of his prolonged imprisonment. It’s also difficult to wish him “Happy Birthday,” “Happy New Year” or the like, when “happy” is not an operative word in his world at the moment.

Mainly, I would like to convey to him that I’m still his friend and would like to keep a conversation going throughout this ordeal, even if the situation is an awkward one. How can I achieve this?

GENTLE READER: It seems to Miss Manners that the thing you may both have in common at the moment is leisure time. She suggests that you talk about what you are doing to occupy it, by telling him what books you are reading or shows you are watching. The conversation should therefore be equitable, since you will both be able to make recommendations -- and mutually expand your repertoires.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a sister who lives in another state and calls almost every day. She is an opinionated person who loves to hear herself talk, and a terrible listener. She will tell you what she “knows,” and will argue her point to the bitter end.

She is divorced and has alienated all her children, though she doesn’t understand why. She hasn’t spoken to her only daughter for over a year. We were raised in different households, due to the death of our parents when we were children -- she was adopted by a relative -- so we were more like cousins growing up.

I am thankful to have her in my life, but I’m tired of being on the defensive every time I talk with her. Our last conversation didn’t end too well, so maybe it’ll be a few days before I hear from her.

GENTLE READER: Try just listening. That is likely all that your sister wants, and if you can train yourself to tune out any unwanted information, your relationship will be the better for it.

This is not to say that you should allow yourself to be complicit in any untoward schemes or sentiments. Just a simple, “I am afraid that I don’t agree,” without elaborating, should help quiet her. As she has alienated her other relatives, Miss Manners hopes that this will teach your sister to be more temperate. Or else it will infuriate her to the point of not calling for a while, and then you will at least be given another break.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I are expecting our first child soon. We are minimalists living in a small space, and we would rather our child grow up with a small collection of treasured favorite items rather than a room full of stuff that they could never possibly play with. (If this sounds hyperbolic, I lived this situation in my own childhood.)

We have some very enthusiastic grandparents-to-be who already seem at risk of showering the baby with tons of things. Is there any polite way to say that this is really unnecessary, both now and as the child grows up? And not in a deflecting way that makes them think we’re just being polite, but in a way that shows we mean it, without hurting their feelings?

Obviously, we appreciate their generosity, and we by no means want to deprive our child. There’s nothing wrong with birthday gifts! But I would rather the grandparents and other well-wishers spend time doing fun activities with our child, and keep it simpler on the “stuff.” What do you think?

GENTLE READER: With some judicious editing, Miss Manners recommends you tell your parents what you just told her (your spouse can deal with your in-laws). She suggests leaving out the part about having lived the problem yourself: There is no need for them to start feeling bad about those outpourings from them or from your own grandparents, which they had hoped delighted you as a child.

And you must have patience when your parents do not change their behavior overnight.

If none of this helps, you will be in the fortunate position of being able to use the surplus of gifts to show generosity to less fortunate children.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a member of a community musical group. We received an email notifying us that our conductor’s mother had passed away, and his mailing address was included in the message, in case members wanted to send a sympathy card.

I purchased a card and mailed it. Now, over a week later, the card has been returned by the post office with an “undeliverable” label stating the address does not exist.

What do I do now? The envelope is ruined, so I can’t resend the card if I get the correct address. Should I simply email my condolences to the family at this point?

GENTLE READER: Your concern that your condolences be received is understandable, but Miss Manners urges you not to lose sight of your original purpose.

This is not a race: The situation will be the same one week or one month from now. A handwritten letter (not a card) shows that, even with everything going on in your own life, you stopped to think about your bereaved conductor. And you will, in any case, have an opportunity to blame the post office for the delay when you call to get the correct address.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)