GENTLE READERS: This summer’s damper on recreational travel gives us pause to muse about tourism itself.

There are those of us who, much as we cherish our hometowns, are yearning to be somewhere else -- revisiting another beloved place, or just roaming around. Then there are those who live at popular destinations, and have a love-hate relationship with tourists: love the money, hate the crowds.

And some are in both those categories: We can’t stand those awful people who come here, but we feel free to grace someplace else.

Miss Manners is not given to bashing tourists. Considering how she likes to travel, it would be unbecoming. When others brag of frequenting places “where none of the tourists go,” she has to resist saying, “Well, at least until you got there.”

But she does admit that touristic behavior could stand some improvement. And she says this in the interest of tourists themselves -- ourselves -- as well as those who are driven crazy by trying to go through their ordinary routines while having to dodge crowds of people blithely blocking them while taking photographs of themselves.

The selfie habit might be a good place to start. Yes, yes, you want to preserve the memory of being in that lovely place. But perhaps not at every step you take. You don’t look that different blocking every site on your list. And frankly, your friends are not truly thrilled to see all this posted.

What irritates the locals is not only having to walk around you on their way to work or school. It is knowing that it is not their treasured wonders that interest you; it is yourself, with those merely serving as background.

It takes only a little homework to counter that. Anyone who neglected the reading for a college course but managed, the night before the examination, to cram in enough material to pass ought to be able to pick up the rudiments of history and culture when traveling. Asking intelligent questions is as flattering as asking stupidly basic ones is annoying.

You can often strike up conversations that way, and talking to the local people is one of the joys of travel. Miss Manners knows of lifelong family friendships that began with an interesting question posed to a shopkeeper or even a passerby -- interesting enough to require retiring to a cafe for further discussion. (The shopkeeper put a Back Soon sign on his door rather than give up elucidating matters to the tourist.)

This is more likely to work with artisans than sellers of ordinary souvenirs. Anyway, you probably want to go home with something that your stay-at-home friends haven’t found cheaper online.

Of course, knowing the language is of inestimable help for foreign travel. But aside from Parisians who pretend not to understand Americans’ high school French, foreigners who understand English are generally appreciative of even rudimentary attempts at their native language. At a minimum, one should memorize the words for “Please,” “Thank you,” and “I’m so sorry, I don’t speak your language.”

Finally, Miss Manners believes in giving back in return for the pleasure a place has given you. For those just passing through, it could be a donation to an organization they have enjoyed, such as a museum; for frequent visitors, joining such a support group.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had a conversation with friends that left me really upset, and I feel I need a second opinion as to whether or not I should be.

First of all, I am horrified at the injustices people of color have faced in this country. However, I am a white male and I spent a number of years in another country, where people are primarily of a different race. On numerous occasions there, I was shouted at with derogatory racial epithets, and one time was even hit lightly with a car while being shouted at. These instances were emotionally very hurtful.

I brought up these stories while discussing how evil racism is, and was told, “It is not possible for a white male to suffer racism.” Not only that, I was told that even though my friends know I am not racist, I should not repeat the stories, as I would be taken as a racist.

According to them, the definition of racism is “thinking you are better than someone because of your race.” They said it is unlikely that people in that foreign country said hurtful things to me because of racism, but rather out of resentment for white people’s history of cruelty and injustice towards others.

I feel racism is racism, and what really matters is how the victim feels. My partner is upset at me for my opinion. Should I be offended?

GENTLE READER: You are debating semantics. Miss Manners is quite certain that you are destined to lose this argument -- and alienate far more than your friends through its insistence.

Yes, there was a preconception made against you based on the color of your skin, but while admittedly horrid and unfair, it is different from the experience of most marginalized groups. As unpleasant as it was for you, it did not take away your rights, freedoms and basic equality.

The fact that it was likely a retaliatory bias, and not inherent, is key. Persisting in your argument and in taking offense will only make you look naive. Miss Manners suggests that you stop.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have long wondered when, if ever, it is acceptable to supplement -- or even substitute -- a verbal request with hand gestures to improve communication. For instance, I once had a bartender chide me for gesturing for the check across a noisy bar.

My question has renewed importance now that the wearing of masks is obscuring vocal projection, and moving closer to be heard is not advised.

GENTLE READER: It depends upon what the gesture is and how it is administered.

Impatience is still recognizable, even under a mask. Which leaves Miss Manners wondering if it was that with which the bartender was taking issue, and not the gesture itself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the most polite way to ask about the possibility of returning a gift? Signed, Four Sizes Too Small.

GENTLE READER: Most retailers will accept returns in the form of credit, often without a receipt. Miss Manners recommends that you try this first, in the hopes of exchanging it for the same item in the correct size. If this does not work, you may ask the giver for help by saying, “Although I am in love with the jersey, I am afraid that it is more of a crop top on me. Do you happen to have the receipt, or know how I could exchange it? I do so want to wear it, but also not violate any decency laws.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one spread cream cheese on a bagel?

Assuming the bagel is cut in half, does one spread cream cheese on an entire half of the bagel? Or is a bagel treated as, say, a dinner roll, where one only butters the pieces that one breaks off?

I’m afraid that my family didn’t come across bagels in the old country, so this has us a little mystified. (I admit I have been treating it as dinner bread -- it seems less gauche than buttering an entire half-bagel.)

I await your answer with bated breath. There’s a very nice bagel shop across the street, and I will enjoy it so much more when I know how to eat the bagels properly.

GENTLE READER: Either method you describe is indeed proper, depending on whether you consider it a piece of bread or a sandwich.

However, Miss Manners warns you: Before you enjoy the bagels from across the street, make sure that you specify that they be delivered to you dry and/or whole. Otherwise, the shop will generally do the spreading for you, leaving you with a warm, cream cheesy gloop that will be nearly impossible to eat neatly -- or to get off of your sleeve.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A close relative had to cancel her wedding due to COVID-19. While we expect a new date to be decided soon, nothing has been announced.

Then we received a very confusing missive, which contained two announcements. The first was a note canceling the original wedding, and the second was an invitation to a shower-by-mail.

I understand the bride’s dilemma, and I sent her a gift from her registry because that’s what I would have done anyway. But my traditionalist self is troubled by what ends up being a straight-up request for gifts.

Perhaps you can come up with a way to negotiate these new shoals: one that will satisfy both young brides and old aunties like me.

GENTLE READER: Was there ever to be a shower in person? Or was the bride simply terrified that with the wedding canceled, presents would be forgotten -- and she desperately needed new oven mitts?

Although Miss Manners finds your proposal to negotiate generous, there is no real way to compromise here. A shopping list is not an invitation, except to hand over one’s credit card information. If guests made the assumption that presents were no longer required, then they will presumably re-remember when new wedding invitations are sent. In the meantime, the hapless bride must buy her own mitts.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In reading about an operetta, I discovered that a scene which took place at a wedding included a joke that virtually all the wedding presents were spaghetti scissors.

At first, I assumed the notion of spaghetti scissors was an invention of the librettist, but then I began to wonder: Were spaghetti scissors once actually sold as a piece of cutlery that one could add to one’s kitchen utensils?

GENTLE READER: It is a joke. Cutting one’s spaghetti with scissors -- while certainly an amusing idea -- is best left to comedians, not polite society.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)