DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help! We sent out 220 wedding invitations; got back 175 yeses; then the wedding venue in San Francisco shut down in March with eight days’ notice! We desperately tried to find an alternate venue without success, and ended up canceling and calling all guests to tell them it was canceled.

Fortunately, most out-of-town wedding guests were able to get airfare/hotels refunded. (No refunds for the wedding venue, caterers, etc., but we could reschedule with little additional cost.)

IF and WHEN things open, how should we handle the rescheduling? Specifically, reinvite all guests? Reinvite only those who RSVPed yes?

GENTLE READER: If the wedding is held with only immediate family present, Miss Manners suggests sending an announcement afterward, which can also serve as a pledge for a future celebration, to which all the guests should be reinvited:

Dr. Lily Jean Appletree

and

Mr. Conrad Mark Simpkins

announce their marriage

on Thursday, June 25

Superior Court

Reception to follow when possible

The letters of thanks for the presents already received should make it clear that nothing more is warranted: “Conrad and I were so dismayed that we weren’t able to have the ceremony with everybody there. We do hope that we will see you at the reception when it is rescheduled. In the meantime, thank you for the handsome antique pie slicer. We have been testing out many and various different pies to see which one it slices best. I say cherry.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear mother’s death is sadly approaching, and it will be up to me to write her obituary.

I know that “she was preceded in death by her husband, (insert Dad’s name)” is the first thing to add after the date she passed. Then comes the trouble spot for me: “She is survived by ...” Do I include daughters/sons-in-law? How about nieces/nephews-in-law? Both my brother and sister are married, but I am not. There are no big rifts in our family right now, so I don’t want to cause one.

What would be the correct wording? “She is survived by her son, Abelard, and his wife, Heloise”? “She is survived by her son, Abelard, and daughter-in-law, Heloise”? Please note that Heloise is easily offended, which is certainly not what I want when this sad time arrives.

GENTLE READER: The proper wording is to list pertinent family members in relation to the deceased. In this case, it would be, “She is survived by her son, Abelard, and daughter-in-law, Heloise.” Unfortunately, Miss Manners is afraid that if Heloise is prone to being offended, she will likely find cause no matter how you phrase it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When leaving the house, am I under an obligation to “look good”?

I’ve had family tell me to cover my head during a bad hair day because “you can’t go out with your hair like that,” or to throw out clothing with minor flaws because “that’s the way you are supposed to do it.”

I find rather offensive the idea that I should wear a hat so that persons on the street don’t have to look at my “ugly hairdo,” and it is extremely wasteful to throw away clothing merely because a thread caught on something and it created a tiny hole. (My budget also won’t allow for this.)

Am I under an obligation to give strangers something nice to look at when I am out running errands, or am I allowed to stick to the standards of “my clothing is decent, and is daywear” and “I washed and brushed my hair”?

GENTLE READER: Standards have lowered considerably, particularly of late, and what is considered acceptable has changed dramatically. Doubts about pants-wearing on video calls has made suspicion rampant. The wearing of them in public is a bare minimum.

Miss Manners personally likes to do better, but she also agrees that as long as basic hygiene is being observed and certain body parts are covered, your family should back off. Subjective opinions about what constitutes an attractive hairdo are hurtful, and likely never to be satisfied, anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While separating photographs after a divorce from my wife, I have run across some pictures of relatives’ and friends’ weddings. Is there any protocol for what to do with the photos?

In some cases, the marriages have broken up, so I assume that I can just dispose of these photos, correct? I will send my ex-wife any photos containing her and her family, but nothing that includes photos of my family.

Is this the right way to go? We don’t live in the same area anymore and our families were never close.

I would also be interested to hear what you think should be done with family photos that include me, my ex-wife and our children. Should they just go to the children? I am in a new, committed relationship, and I do not wish to have any photos of my ex for any reason.

GENTLE READER: Old, unwanted photographs should go to any pertinent parties who would welcome them -- and with whom giving them away would not start a fight or reopen hurt feelings.

Your methods are fine. Ask your ex-wife and children if they would like their pictures. No explanation necessary -- it will be obvious why -- or just say that you were going through old things. And ask old friends and relatives with whom you are close if they would like theirs.

Tidying up one’s home and not offending its members are two worthwhile pursuits. Miss Manners just urges you to be cautious that you are not offending any extended members in the process.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the past two years, my husband and I have received two rather substantial bequests from two very generous relatives. Because of these inheritances, we have been able to make much larger donations to charities than we otherwise could have.

We have since been inundated with letters and phone calls soliciting more, even larger, donations. Representatives from two charitable organizations have asked to meet personally with us, and a third actually showed up unannounced at our door. (We weren’t home, but he left a note and a small gift.)

Will you please tell me how to politely let these organizations know that phone calls and personal visits will not inspire us to give them more money? If anything, they will have the opposite effect.

In the future, should we enclose a letter with our check, asking that they not contact us except through the mail? I do a much better job of ignoring letters than I do surprise phone calls and ambushes at my front door.

GENTLE READER: Reputable charities should recognize not only the etiquette, but the self-interest, in following a donor’s wish about how to communicate.

But Miss Manners recommends you save your admonition for a response to the inevitable follow-up solicitation. If you preemptively tell them to contact you by mail, you will only whet their appetite.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a tall woman, and am frequently asked my height by men and women alike. While I find it mildly annoying, I can shrug it off easily enough. (I’ve never understood why asking someone’s weight or age is considered rude, but asking about height is fair game.)

But how might I respond to the occasional man who, after asking this personal question and getting an honest answer, doesn’t believe me? It seems to imply that I am either too ignorant to know the right answer or a liar, both of which I find very insulting. (I have had my height of 6’0” verified many times over the years, and I have no reason to “fudge” the numbers.)

A typical confrontation of this sort comes from a man who has exaggerated his own height, and wants me to explain the obvious disparity between our viewpoints. The next time this happens, is there a way I can let him know he is being a jerk -- without being one myself?

GENTLE READER: Asking a woman’s weight is also considered fair game these days, Miss Manners is saddened to admit. That does not make asking her height or her weight any less rude -- and, as it is rude, you are under no obligation to answer.

A light smile, accompanied by, “Oh it’s been so long since I measured,” is all that etiquette requires. For the persistent male, you may add, with a slight tone of annoyance, “As I said, it’s been some time since I measured. Does it really matter?”

If this is still not enough, move closer, look down at him, and ask firmly -- but, please, without a snarl -- ”Well, we’re almost the same height, aren’t we?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)