DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a student living with an elderly lady who loves to cook. Although I appreciate her caring enough to provide me with delicious home-cooked meals, she gives me much more food than I can manage to eat.

I have tried to politely decline her food at times, or convey to her that I have other plans for lunch or dinner, but she assumes that I will “get hungry later” and eat her food. When I don’t end up eating it, she chastises me and asks me what she will do with it now, as though it is my fault she made me food without asking me (and sometimes, despite me telling her that I have already eaten/have plans).

What is a kind way to tell her to stop interfering in my meals? I understand that it is from kindness that she is looking out for me, but she tends to buy and cook more food than the two of us can consume, and expects me to deal with it. I cannot continue eating food when I am full or have already eaten. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: Develop an enthusiasm for leftovers, as in, “This looks wonderful. Thank you so much. As you know, I’ve already ordered food, but it will make a wonderful lunch tomorrow.” Miss Manners does not therefore suggest that you actually have to eat the proffered food, only that, having failed to persuade her not to prepare it, you need a way to get out of her line of sight before disposing of it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taught that when attending a funeral, one should wear black. However, when paying my respects, I’ve noticed that family members often are not in black, and some are dressed quite casually.

My wearing black then seems (to me) to give the appearance that I’m closer to the deceased than is the case. I’ve begun wearing a dark (not-black) color such as brown, gray or purple, and leaving black to the family members.

What are your thoughts? Should I wear black, or continue with a dark color?

GENTLE READER: Your intention, Miss Manners believes, is good: to honor the dead by considering the feelings of those closer to them than yourself.

But making up your own manners is not the way to do this. You do not know why the principal mourners are more casually dressed; perhaps they are so distraught they simply did not notice. By wearing black yourself, you demonstrate respect for the dead, and you reaffirm the existence of a wider social contract.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A married couple has two last names: Joe Smith married Mary Jones. Mary kept her maiden name, and has used it for all social and business matters for 40 years.

How to style her name in an obit? The couple are survivors of Joe Smith’s mother.

GENTLE READER: Neither marriage nor death justifies quibbling about a lady’s choice of surname. Ms. Jones may be identified as the daughter-in-law of the late Ms. Smith -- or whatever that lady’s name was in life; Miss Manners does not want to presume.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

MISS MANNERS: I had a fire and lost everything. I rebuilt and am now in my new home. Some things are not finished yet; it will take a while. But friends and family are asking me whether I plan to throw a housewarming party. Do I throw it myself?

My neighbors are curious about the house, also. I was thinking of having an open house, where I set a time -- say, 1 p.m. to 3 p.m. -- and offer some finger foods and let everyone come and go.

Some friends said I should register at a few stores in case someone wants to bring a gift. I do not want to look like a bride or anything. But I lost 34 years of possessions, my five cats and a bit of my mind. And insurance doesn’t begin to cover those losses.

GENTLE READER: What you went through is heartbreaking. It sounds, however, as if you are seeking permission, not advice -- permission to treat your friends as supplemental insurance.

If, out of their kindness and feeling for you, they wish to send you any unsolicited presents, you will, of course, respond with an effusive letter of thanks. But the commitment they make as friends is to emotional, not financial, support. And a registry is an announcement that you expect people to buy what you need. (And yes, that goes for brides, too.)

You can throw your housewarming party in whichever form, and at whatever time, you prefer, without any fear that you are putting a burden on the friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son’s best friend is rude. Today he told our daughter, “Shut up, no one wants to hear your singing” when she was humming in OUR playroom. He regularly contradicts me in normal conversation, and when his father came to pick him up after his last visit, the child told his father, “You suck.”

We want our son to have friends, and we want those friends to be welcome in our house, but this is not acceptable language.

What is an appropriate approach to his boorish behavior? I simply cannot allow him to be unkind to our daughter while he is in our house.

GENTLE READER: Nor should you. The distinction to be made is that while the friend is in your house, he is expected to abide by your rules -- which include treating one another with respect.

Miss Manners trusts that you know how to convey this to young Liam, since you are rearing two children of your own. But remember that you have met the fruit, and the tree is likely nearby: A father who accepts such a rude comment from his son without comment is capable of complaining about supposed maltreatment by you toward said son.

Should that occur, your response will be that your family adores it when Liam comes over to play, and that you were only intervening because the rules at your house are different from those to which he must be accustomed. And you will, of course, remind Ethan that when he visits Liam, he must respect the rules of Liam’s house.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Traditionally in our company, when co-workers are leaving, we all sign a card, get a gift and take said co-worker out to lunch as a team. But amid quarantine, with us all working from home, what would be the appropriate protocol to celebrate our co-worker before her last day?

GENTLE READER: A luncheon.

It was always the employer’s responsibility to honor a retiring employee with a laudatory party, but some years ago, many refused to spend the money, leaving the remaining employees to supply both the appreciation and the expense. Miss Manners always thought it a disgrace to shift the obligation of recognizing service to the retiree’s colleagues.

But at least it won’t cost you anything, as the luncheon will, of course, be virtual.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I had been in my brand-new home for less than a year, I was excited to welcome occasional guests. While most were a delight, a few surprised me.

On one occasion, some adult guests left barefoot footprints on the wall -- not very dark; it must have been from oils in the skin.

The other guest that surprised me was a 20-year-old extended family member, who tied my guest room drapes and sheers into large knots! The window coverings are brand-new, and I had just completed pressing and hanging them prior to the visit.

I was astonished, and asked her why she had done this. She replied weakly that she likes to do that for more light. The panels are on the side of the window (not blocking any light), and the sheers are voile, which creates a lovely light. In addition, there is a large two-way lamp on the bed stand, and the ceiling is filled with pot lights.

After she left, we spent an entire day taking the drapes and sheers down, and rewashing and ironing them all. I know she is immature and meant no harm, and the footprint gang was probably relaxing and may not have even known they left prints. But I do not want to risk any more mistreatment of my house.

I have no problem making it crystal clear to the young woman that next time, there will be no tying of draperies. But I don’t see a clear plan of action for the footprint gang.

I will probably be asked to host again in the future, which I would be glad to do if I could be sure they would not do something like this. We worked hard and waited a long time to have a nice house -- including the love and laughter of friends.

Is there any solution for me? I understand accidents. But these non-accidents, not so much.

GENTLE READER: Here is what Miss Manners does not understand: How did those adults leave footprints on the wall?

Had they been watching old Fred Astaire-Ginger Rogers movies, and were trying to dance up to your ceiling? (You may have to ask your guests that question, if you can do so with a tone of fond amusement, showing no irritation.)

You do seem to have had unusually active guests. Still, all hosts must face the fact that guests will cause a certain amount of wear, and that any damage beyond that must be addressed tactfully. That means that past problems may be mentioned to repeat guests: “Remember, you can have light here without wrinkling the curtains.” And perhaps a cheerfully delivered, “Remember, no dancing on the walls.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)