DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a tight-knit community comprised of mostly seniors, with about 20 homes on a street that ends in cul-de-sac. It’s the sort of community where neighbors look in on one another and take care of each other, and where very little goes unnoticed.

A good friend who lives several houses away phoned to say that he was sick with what he suspected was the flu, and that he needed help. Due to the possibility of COVID-19, I did as much as I could without actually entering his house, including leaving food and medicine on his doorstep.

When his health did not improve, I felt it was necessary to call an ambulance, which arrived with sirens blaring and lights flashing, drawing the attention of everyone in the vicinity. He was taken to the hospital, where he luckily tested negative for COVID-19, but he had suffered a small stroke, all of which he recounted to me.

My neighbors, of course, were anxious to know what had happened and descended on me for answers, and I told them what I knew. When I spoke to my friend in the hospital later, he told me that he appreciated my help, that it had been all right to tell people that he had tested negative for the virus, but that I should not have disclosed the fact that he’d had a stroke.

Now that my friend is in rehab, people are asking me about his condition, putting me in an awkward position. What should I do from now on without either violating my friend’s privacy or embarrassing those who are expressing concern?

By the way, I did not sign on to be a press secretary, particularly one doing a bad job!

GENTLE READER: Having cared for your neighbor in these crises, you can honorably resign. If he is well enough to criticize, Miss Manners would consider him well enough to take charge of his health reports, or to designate someone else to do so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My insurance company requested that I call, in order to go over the medications I’ve been taking. When I did so, I’d expected to talk to a person. Instead, I was ensnared in a phone tree commanded by a robotic but subtly female voice I’ll call the Robot Lady.

The first question came, and I was told to answer with either “Yes” or “No, thanks.” I simply said “No” and the Robot Lady replied, “I didn’t quite get that.” I tried again, with the same response. When I finally said “No, thanks,” the Robot Lady proceeded to the next question.

Are we required to be polite to mindless robots? And are the mindless robots being impolite in refusing a simple “no”? Should I start getting chummy with the ATM machine?

GENTLE READER: Apparently even the robots are feeling offended at being addressed as “Hey.” Miss Manners has complained about that, too, as she believes it to be creating bad habits.

But she is not ready to welcome your Robot Lady into the etiquette instruction business. She should not be pointing out the omissions of others, but if she does, she should go the whole way and require “Yes, please,” as well as “No, thank you.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 55 years old and have always used the word “they” to refer to multiple persons. It is how my brain is programmed.

Even as a youth, I thought there should be a word for a singular person without specifying gender, but as there wasn’t one, I abided by using “he,” ”one,” “sir” or “madam.” “They” was reserved for multiple persons, and was being misused if referring to a single person.

Currently, “they” is used when one does not know the person’s gender or prefers not to use it. I find it confusing to follow, because my mind automatically translates “they” to mean multiple persons. My adult daughter told me to adjust my brain, because this is now the acceptable usage of “they.”

I have come across “zim,” meaning “him/her.” I could easily adjust to using “zim,” as it remains clear that one person is referenced. But along with zim, there are “sie,” “em,” “ver” and “ter.” It seems one word has yet to be chosen. Are we stuck using “they”?

I’d rather be grammatically incorrect than offend someone. Please advise me on how to use pronouns so as to be properly understood and not offend.

GENTLE READER: It is indeed grammatically confusing. Miss Manners takes personal responsibility for not getting ahead of this problem before it made it to the dictionary and got away from her.

But it seems that the singular “they” has taken hold, and we all must adjust our brains. Her only helpful suggestion is that before launching into any lengthy stories that involve a person who uses the pronoun, you give fair warning -- as in, “Tee identifies as ‘they’” -- lest you find yourself lost in a “Who’s on First?” of questioning: “Who was at the store when it got robbed?” “They were.” “But I thought you said Tee was alone.” “They were.” “Who were?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I Googled several of my co-workers out of curiosity to see what, if anything, might come up, and I found that one of them has a criminal record. Apparently he had a substance abuse problem that resulted in an assault charge.

It was 25 years ago, but I don’t think people like that change. So I let everyone else in the office know.

My boss told me that the office has a zero-tolerance policy for “malicious gossip” and that if I ever did something like that again, I would be fired.

She knows that I’m a Christian, so she asked me what the Bible says about gossip. I thought that was totally uncalled for, and maybe even religious discrimination. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. How should I handle this?

GENTLE READER: Perhaps your boss should not have invoked your religion, but do you really want to get into an HR war about which offense was the greatest?

In the end, your boss was showing more faith in you than you did in your co-worker -- by giving you a second chance. Miss Manners recommends that you take it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my early 20s, I’m short, and could stand to lose 20 pounds. I have been working as a burger flipper. I have been on five dates since I was 18. I am failing out of community collage, the only place I can afford to go.

Now, enter Grace, my friend since childhood: a devoted, sweet, well-meaning, skilled person who is thin, blond and blue-eyed, and who has had too many dates to count. Coming from a wealthy family, not working, earning top grades at an Ivy League college while living on a big family estate, she has everything I want.

We became friends when my mother was babysitting for her parents’ date night, and she brought me along. Grace is so kind, she befriended me fast.

Her mom and dad are together, but mine are divorced and my mother has depression. Grace has had lots of job offers and will take one, but she does not need to work for her entire life. Her dad started her on stocks when she was young, and she is set for life.

She never yells or anything; she is witty, happy, smart and never a downer. But Grace makes me sad, bordering on angry, whenever I see her. I dress in Goodwill tees; she dresses in a silk blouse in exactly her style. And she is nice to everyone.

See the difference? I wonder: Why can’t I have that, be like that, look like that? I want to keep my friendship with her together, since she is so kind and smart, but every time I see her, it gets worse.

GENTLE READER: Here is a universal truth:

There will always be someone prettier, smarter, richer, funnier, kinder and more tech-savvy than you (Miss Manners added the last one since that is where her own envy lies at the moment).

That your friend’s and your situations are so disparate and extreme is hard, but it is not insurmountable. Your friend has done nothing blameworthy -- on the contrary, she has been devoted to you -- and if you let your anger at the unfairness and divergence in the world conquer you, you will lose that relationship, too.

At the risk of turning this into a teenaged makeover montage, Miss Manners suggests that you ask for your friend’s help. Focus on something attainable. Force yourself to be nice, even when you do not feel like it. Ask her advice when shopping at Goodwill to find things that become you.

Find out what fears or insecurities lie behind her seemingly perfect life (everybody has something). You have a real chance here to keep from becoming bitter -- no matter how justified your reasons may be -- and a true friend to help you do it. Miss Manners suggests that you count that amongst your blessings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)