DEAR MISS MANNERS: I pride myself on being a blunt, yet kind, person. I choose my battles wisely, speak from my heart, and always let someone know when they have upset me or my family.

I have some family members (in-laws) who are not used to my approach, which often leads them to ignore me, shame me on social media or call me names.

Should I just keep my mouth shut around them, or continue to be me?

GENTLE READER: The “you” of whom you are so proud is, by your own account, someone who habitually antagonizes others and inspires them to retaliatory rudeness. Miss Manners would not care to attend your family gatherings.

Whatever you mean by “blunt, yet kind,” it is not working. Perhaps you mean the supposed kindness of pointing out everyone’s faults. As it serves no purpose but to inspire the targets to upset you even more, Miss Manners would think that the closed-mouth solution would be a good choice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have what I believe is a benign lipoma on the outside of my calf. It is not painful, but it has grown over the years, and now looks rather like half of a baseball has lodged itself in my leg. Because of its size, I rarely wear shorts in public, but occasionally it is noticed by someone, and questions often follow.

Notably, on the rare occasion when I treat myself to a professional pedicure, the technician refuses to concentrate solely on my toes and insists on giving me the “full treatment,” which includes a lower-leg massage. Invariably, they express surprise at seeing my unwelcome “guest.” Upon explaining what it is and assuring them that, other than cosmetically, it doesn’t really bother me, they ask about or suggest various treatment/removal options.

Miss Manners, I am not an idiot. I know that it might be surgically removed, but right now I have no medical insurance and I am still a half-year away from Medicare. And even if I had insurance, my research tells me that removal of this growth is unlikely to be a covered procedure (if I am correct about its nature).

The same line of conversation also tends to occur when friends or family notice it. As much as possible, I prefer to ignore its existence, and I really do not appreciate it being made the topic of extended conversation, even if those prying have the best of intentions.

Short of being rude, how can I shut this down? I’d ideally like some kind of all-purpose response.

GENTLE READER: “It’s not catching. And I’m fine, thank you. How are you?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Waitstaff in restaurants virtually always place the bill by the male in any party. I take offense at this old-school, sexist presumption. I would prefer waitstaff either place the bill in the middle of the table, equally accessible to all genders, or just ask who wants the bill. I’m eating in a restaurant; I know I’m going to pay for my meal. It’s not a surprise! How can I politely correct this outdated, sexist practice when it happens?

GENTLE READER: With an outstretched hand and an “I’ll take that, please.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During our weeklong visit, our dear hosts subjected us to one of their quirks I can’t abide by. They issued each of us a cloth napkin to be used for the week. Granted, we were not eating ribs, but it still just seemed unsanitary.

GENTLE READER: Why? What else were they being used for?

Miss Manners is sorry to tell you, but saving a cloth napkin for up to a week is not only acceptable, it comes with accessories. That is the purpose of those round silver things that are too small to be bracelets. They are napkin rings. For frequent guests, Miss Manners even gets them monogrammed -- an honor, she assures you.

However, if you feel that yours is being overused to the point of being ineffective, graciously blame it on yourself. “I am afraid I over-enjoyed my dinner last night and sorely abused my napkin. I wonder if I might have a fresh one tonight. And I will try to take better care of it.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a bachelor’s degree in art history and am currently finishing up a master’s in another art-related field. For many years, I have often had to put up with people’s rude comments regarding my career choice.

When I tell people what degree I am pursuing, I have received responses such as (literally) “So, you want to live in a box for the rest of your life?”, “So, you want to be poor?”, “So, you want to starve?” Unfortunately, they are often not saying this in jest, and will continue to demean my profession for several minutes.

I try to make a joke out of it and direct the conversation elsewhere, but I am losing patience. Any suggestions for how to avoid this ugly situation or deal with it appropriately are appreciated.

GENTLE READER: “Yes, I suppose that’s a possibility, but at least I will live poor and starving in a beautifully decorated box.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a toddler and an almost-1-year old. The toddler does pretty well nowadays when we eat out at restaurants, but the infant tends to spill a lot of food on the floor.

I don’t want people to think I am fine with letting my kids make a big mess for other people to clean up, so usually at the end of our meal, I get down on the floor and clean up the baby’s crumbs. I have had times in which the restaurant owners seemed appalled that we are cleaning up after ourselves and I sort of understand that (it’s probably not a good look to the other customers). What is the most polite approach for handling kid messes in public?

GENTLE READER: Small messes should be picked up as they happen. For larger ones, a reasonable effort should be made.

But much like the wallet reach when one is fairly certain that one’s restaurant companion is paying, the intent is generally more appreciated than the result. Similarly, Miss Manners suggests that the attempt to clean up should be genuine, but graciously retractable if the other party objects strongly enough.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m a college sophomore who recently came out to his parents as a transgender man. Since I don’t live at home, this hasn’t been much of an issue -- but when I went home for the holidays, both of my parents introduced me to their friends as their daughter.

I’m a man and look like one. There’s always visible confusion on these people’s faces. For the most part, I’ve just let it slide, but it makes me incredibly uncomfortable. Should I correct my folks, or simply reintroduce myself later when I’ll be home and meeting more people?

GENTLE READER: Might Miss Manners humbly suggest the obvious: having a talk with your parents to confirm your gender and say that you want to be introduced as such, with a chance for them to ask questions and the hope that they will listen to the answers?

If this is not feasible, or the results prove unfavorable, Miss Manners suggests the possibility that their friends’ confusion could work in your favor. A firm handshake, followed by, “Hello, I’m Hank,” will likely result in their having to question your parents’ erroneous introduction. Whereby the uncomfortable conversation can be transferred to them -- once you are safely back at college.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends did me a huge favor. I have a 3-month-old puppy and had to go out of town for five days for a family event. The puppy sitter I originally lined up had to cancel last-minute, and I solicited help from friends.

One friend and her boyfriend generously stepped up to the plate and took care of my furry friend while I was away. Everything went wonderfully, but now I’m struggling to find the best way to show my gratitude.

I plan to write them a nice note, but beyond that, I’m not sure what the best way to thank them/compensate them would be. I likely would have spent between $150 and $250 to have a professional watch a puppy for this period of time.

GENTLE READER: If they are good friends, they likely do not expect pay -- unless young Kujo did some damage, and payment is in the form of a cleaning service.

Offering to reciprocate whenever they are in need is otherwise sufficient. But if, one day far in the future -- when you have long forgotten, and they have multiple young children -- they suddenly remember to cash in, Miss Manners warns you not to be surprised.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you deal with people today who insist on dressing like slobs? I work in an office, and most of the females show up in flip-flops. If they could show up in pajamas, they would.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps they will. With so many working from home, people seem unable to distinguish between being in private from being out in public.

If your company does not have a dress code, Miss Manners encourages you to suggest adopting one quickly. Nonsupervisory employees, however outraged, are not authorized to be fashion police.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)