DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I had a disagreement: He called our waitress “missy” and asked her how much she wanted for a tip.

I later asked him why he did that. He said that “missy” is the same as “miss” or “ma’am,” and that it’s also polite to make sure your tip is adequate with the server.

Is this true? I’ve never heard either before.

GENTLE READER: That’s because he made it up. “Missy” should never be used -- except, on occasion, with one’s own mouthy teenager (as in, “Would you like to try that again, but without the attitude, missy?”)

And no server in the history of the world ever wanted to discuss the tip, except perhaps indignantly afterward (as in, “I’m sorry, was the service not to your liking?”). Please tell your boyfriend that Miss Manners recommends he find other, less belittling honorifics for waitresses -- and that he join the ranks of the rest of us in being ever befuddled about what is an adequate tip (although 20% is still usually considered standard).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does one respond to someone rejecting a gift? Should the giver immediately receive the returned item back and take it in stride, or are protestations warranted first?

My boss has been instrumental in starting and advancing my career. After several years, I am now in an established position, thanks to the opportunities he has provided me.

For his birthday, I purchased a food item I know he indulges in, and presented it to him with a card expressing my gratitude for his help over the years. The item was not exorbitantly expensive, but was likely a few dozen more dollars than my colleagues chipped in for a gift card. It is a nice example of this food he enjoys, and has a neat little history, which I anticipate he is aware of.

He returned it to me, stating it was too generous and that he could not accept it. I was not sure how to respond, though I was certainly a little hurt, and simply accepted it back, muttering a simple, “Oh, I’m sorry.” Would you mind sharing your insights on the most polite way to have responded?

GENTLE READER: ”I truly hoped that you would enjoy this. You were so kind to me all those years and I took such pleasure in picking it out and thanking you. If you feel that it is too much, perhaps you could share it with your office.“

However, since it is food and likely perishable, Miss Manners fears it might not survive another trip back. In that case, you might add, “I suppose I can share it with my co-workers and regale them with the stories of your generosity.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am trying to find out if all is OK with a family member. How many times should I call or text before I become a nuisance?

GENTLE READER: Try saying, “If I don’t hear from you in the next day or two, I am going to call the police to make sure that you are still alive.” That should make the response time quicker.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I obtained a credit card through a major airline. One of the perks of receiving the card is that if I spend a certain amount with the card within the first few months, I have the opportunity to purchase a half-price companion ticket with my purchase of a regular full-fare ticket.

A friend (and occasional travel companion) and I are planning a trip, for which we will each pay our own way. This purchase will enable me to take advantage of the airline’s companion-flies-at-half-price offer.

When I ask my friend to reimburse me for his ticket, would it be appropriate for us to split the total cost of both tickets, so that we each pay 75 percent of a regular full-fare ticket? Or am I required to pass along the full benefit of the half-price offer to my friend, and bear the cost of the full-fare ticket myself?

I’m not aware of any etiquette on this question. For what it’s worth, my friend is not my significant other.

GENTLE READER: Logically, your friend will be no worse off no matter what you recommend -- that he pay the full fare, that he pay 75%, or that he pay 50%. But most friends would feel ill-used by the first option and grateful for the third.

Miss Manners has no objection to your taking the neutral second option, but even this should be stated clearly and only as a suggestion: “I have this offer. What do you think of us using it and splitting the savings?” Note that you are asking your friend whether you should use the offer on this trip -- not the terms on which you will do so. Presumably you are already close enough to anyone you are willing to sit next to on an airplane that this will not be a difficult discussion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I recently entered the small waiting room of a professional whom I visit, the lower edge of the door disturbed mail that was lying on the floor, having been delivered through a slot in the door. I gently shifted the mail with my foot to save it from being mangled by the door, and took a seat.

My quandary: Is it impolite (an intrusion) to gather the mail and put it on a nearby shelf? Or is it impolite (negligent of an ordinary courtesy) to leave the slightly mussed mail there on the floor?

GENTLE READER: Place the mail where it is likely to belong, just as if you had inadvertently knocked it to the ground. That may be on a table where someone will see it or in the hands of the receptionist.

Miss Manners recognizes both that this is inconvenient and that it is not your fault that the mail is on the floor, but she prefers her solution to leaving it where the next person will kick it under a chair or step on it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a small company with about a dozen employees, who I genuinely like and enjoy. But I’m a little bit antisocial sometimes when it comes to casually chatting up my co-workers. Sometimes the stress of the job, and my own anxieties, make it seem like I’m unhappy or disapproving of something, when it’s really a thousand other things going through my mind.

One of my co-workers discreetly told me that another co-worker had filed an informal complaint about me, saying that I don’t like her and treat her badly. I really want to approach her and offer her an apology for the perceived slight -- try to explain that I do like her and it’s all just a big misunderstanding. However, the co-worker who told me does not want it revealed that she did so.

I don’t feel like I can leave it alone. This co-worker is gay, and the fact that she even thinks I don’t like her because of that is a slippery slope when it comes to discrimination and employment issues. How do I clear this up without making things worse?

We don’t have a true human resources department. In fact, I’m the longest-tenured employee, so I don’t even have a middle manager in my department I can approach about this. To be clear, I am not anyone’s boss, and don’t have authority over her or anyone else.

GENTLE READER: It is Miss Manners’ understanding that informal complaints are ones made by one equal to another in the break room while waiting for Keith to get his meatloaf out of the microwave. There is no filing involved. If what has happened is no more serious than this, then a concerted effort on your part to be more friendly to this co-worker may be sufficient.

If a more formal complaint was made -- or accusations were reported to a superior -- it is time to involve someone in a position of authority. The lack of a human resources department does not mean that no one is tasked with handling employment issues. (It may mean that no one is good at handling employment issues, but that could have been the case even if you had a human resources department.) Both you and the co-worker in question must have bosses to whom you can express your concern and protest your innocence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend Melody, a bit of a snob, doesn’t own a car and often requests a ride into town. This is fine, but she always has me drop her a few blocks from our main square, saying she “could use a bit of a walk.” She does this even when it’s raining, and it sometimes involves an awkward stop on busy roads.

I’ve learned that she doesn’t do this with her other, more upscale friends, and I suspect she doesn’t want to be seen with me or alighting from my old economy car. I confess I’m a little hurt, and am wanting to confront her on this.

GENTLE READER: Fulfilling as it would be to change your friend’s behavior, confronting her about it is unlikely to accomplish more than embarrassing both of you. If you really want to get even, Miss Manners recommends you fail to notice what is happening, which will leave her cold and wet -- ample punishment for her transgression.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)