DEAR MISS MANNERS: A couple of years ago, I finished an advanced degree in a rather specialized program from a prestigious university. Often, when I met new people and the topic of “What do you do?” came up, people would end by saying some variant of “Wow! You must be really smart!”

Now that I’m out of school, people still sometimes say this about my career. I’ve never figured out a polite and humble response, and always feel embarrassed. Saying “thank you” sometimes feels like I’m agreeing with them. If I try to dismiss the comment, it usually comes off as false humility. What should my response be?

GENTLE READER: The question is, as you have noticed, a booby trap, although the speaker may not have meant it as such. As with all ambushes, the proper response is to get as far away as fast you can -- figuratively, not literally.

Talk about how much you enjoy what you do -- “It is always challenging!” -- and then change the subject. It would be natural to reciprocate by asking what your interlocutors studied, but Miss Manners cautions against this. Learning that the flatterer is a dropout will make your predicament worse, not better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My aesthetician kept me waiting for the length of my recent appointment, while someone else, who was either late or a walk-in, received her treatment. I was unable to wait “just 10 more minutes,” as I had another appointment elsewhere. Was she rude, or am I overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Professionals frequently complain to Miss Manners about their clients’ inability to arrive on time. Too often, they fail to see the even more common reverse problem.

An appointment is a two-way commitment. A doctor, lawyer or aesthetician who keeps customers waiting, without both a good reason and an apology, should not expect Miss Manners’ help when their next appointment refuses to stop talking on the phone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to give a roommate a thank-you card upon moving out?

I am living in my college’s dorm, in a shared room with three other people. While the individuals across the hall have caused almost constant problems in terms of messiness, excessive noise and petty fights about chore charts, the roommate on my side of the dorm has been genuinely fantastic. We keep vastly different schedules and aren’t close enough to really be friends, but we’ve bonded over the fight to keep the communal areas clean, and get along great on the occasions we are able to talk.

When the semester is over, I am wondering if it would be acceptable to give her a thank-you card, or even a small gift, when we move out for the summer. We will have different assigned rooms next semester, and I want to somehow show my appreciation for how delightful it has been to live with her. Would a thank-you card be appropriate? Or just weird?

GENTLE READER: It might be misunderstood, which is worse. Miss Manners herself might take exception at being thanked for moving out. Tell your roommate how much you enjoyed living with her and that you hope to remain friends, even without a shared cause of complaint.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been dating my current boyfriend for about seven months. We both have friends of the opposite sex, but ours is an exclusive relationship. We love each other very much and are planning a future together.

How should I handle situations when I’m asked out by other guys? I have a number of guy friends I knew before I met my boyfriend, and whom I remain in touch with -- some that I see day to day, and some that I stay in touch with by email.

One friend asked me to go on a trip with him next summer in Europe. Another friend asked me to go and have a drink with him. I don’t know that person very well, and had only been in touch with him to tell him about something that I knew he was interested in.

I feel like I don’t have any control in these situations. I don’t know how to respond without being rude or hurtful. Am I sending off the wrong signals? How do I politely say “thanks, but no thanks,” or do I have to make the sacrifice of not being friends with guys at all?

GENTLE READER: Of course you have control. You can say yes or no to any such invitations, and you can add, “I’d love for you to meet Jasper. He’s the new man in my life.”

Some will be disappointed, Miss Manners realizes, but others will be happy for you, and those are the friends to keep.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About 10 years ago, a neighbor brought a lawsuit against me over a property issue, forcing me to hire an attorney, whom I addressed as “Mr. Jones” throughout most of our negotiations. As things showed signs of heading toward a final settlement, I noticed that my attorney had always addressed me by my first name (he is male; I am female, and older than he is).

So in one email to him, I wrote “Dear Gary,” adding an apology for doing so, saying that it felt wrong, but justifying it because we have been through so much together these past years. He quickly replied that it was “fine to do so!” (including the exclamation point).

But I wonder what protocol I should have followed. If I were addressing a Catholic priest, I would call him by his religious title (“Father”), together with either his first or last name, according to his preference (Father Joe or Father Smith). But I can’t call an attorney “Esquire Jones.”

Does etiquette suggest that “Mr.” (or “Ms.”) should always be used for professional courtesy in the case of attorneys, despite the fact that mine has, from the beginning, called me by my first name?

GENTLE READER: Did he ask your permission to do this? No, Miss Manners thought not.

Rather than moving you both to social manners, he was assuming the privilege without suggesting that he lose the dignity of his status (which, by the way, would never be “Esquire Jones” -- “esquire” is used after the name in lieu of “Mr.” before it). This is unfortunately common on the part of male professionals with female clients.

But you caught him. Your choice was between asking him to address you formally and addressing him informally. Either way, no apology was required.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage. I will be the last of my close circle of friends to walk down the aisle, so I have had plenty of experience surfing the internet and bridal magazines, finding things I like for my future Big Day.

My worry is that I have now become very specific in the type of engagement ring I want. I like different styles and gem options (I honestly do not prefer a diamond), but as far as a setting goes, I have some pretty particular ideas about what I do -- and definitely do not -- want.

My plan was to have my best friend (the very one who introduced me to my man) show my boyfriend some of the pictures I secretly posted and then let him decide.

Is this acceptable? I would say that I don’t care what he gets me, but if I’m honest, that isn’t quite true. I feel that since I am going to be wearing this ring forever, I should have the most say in what it looks like. Right?

My boyfriend has even said he knows I’m the type of girl who cares about what her ring will look like. I want to be surprised and completely grateful, but I also don’t want to be unhappy.

GENTLE READER: Then stop wishing to be surprised. And as the gentleman already knows that you have definite tastes, please do not stick him with the burden of possibly guessing wrong and giving you an unpleasant surprise.

The idea that a proposal must come with a snap-open box, proffered by a kneeling suitor, has always struck Miss Manners as ridiculous. It is a cartoon version of the past, when it was considered unseemly for a lady to entertain the notion of marrying until an abjectly pleading gentleman overcame her maidenly reluctance.

You may be sure that such was not really the case then, and it is even more ludicrous now, when you, and other sensible couples, have already had serious discussions about marriage. Nor was it the way real people acquired engagement rings before the phony theatrics of staged proposals, complete with lurking photographers, became common.

Of course a bride has an interest in the style of a ring she will be wearing from the engagement on, and it is a rare gentleman who has given any thought to the matter before he plans to buy one.

But becoming engaged requires only a mutual agreement to marry. Miss Manners is certainly not opposed to this being the occasion for both people to state the sentiments involved, in however romantic terms they can devise, but that is more dignified -- and, she would think, more significant -- when done in private. Surely pledging one’s life should call forth emotions more powerful than any attached to jewelry, however understandable interest in that aspect may be.

If a gentleman had a family ring to offer, he can bring it out then, carefully specifying that it is a choice that in no way is attached to accepting or rejecting him.

More commonly, one would propose a shopping trip, for her to select a ring she loves. (And if he has any sense, he will have been at the shop alone first, and asked to put aside a variety of rings in his price range.)

Miss Manners assures you that this expedition is much more romantic than the phony surprise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)