DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 50 years old and have been living with a man for more than eight years (we are both divorced). I have always had a good relationship with his mother, with no issues.

Over the years, we have received holiday cards from his mother addressed to both of us (just our first names, which totally works) and signed “Love.” But this year, the envelope was addressed only to her son; enclosed was a “son”-specific card signed “Love,” and a second card to me with only her name noted.

I mentioned this to my partner and he said, “What is the big deal? You got a card.” I told him that it was hurtful.

Am I being too sensitive, or do you think there is something bothering his mother about me that she will not express and is telling me through this action?

GENTLE READER: Not knowing how this lady generally operates, Miss Manners could not say. It is her usual policy, however, to assume the best.

If you are anxious to find out her intention, you may do so delicately by saying, “It was so kind of you to think of me, as always, with a holiday card. Even more so to go to the trouble of getting us two. But really, Lance and I are at the point where we can share one card. Was there any reason you thought otherwise?”

Then be prepared for an answer ranging anywhere from “I thought you would like the picture of the cats” to “Yes, get away from my son.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When two couples go out for drinks and sit at a bar, do the two women sit in the middle, or the two men?

GENTLE READER: It depends. Which of the two have more to discuss?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was raised by horribly abusive cult members. As it turns out, they did me a great kindness by excluding me from their lives when I came out as a gay man, decades ago, at age 17. As far as they have been able, they have continued to be abusive. I avoid them as best I can.

When well-intentioned people ask about my family, I usually say that I don’t know them. This often serves to let discerning people know that I don’t want them to pursue the subject any further.

What can I say to those who persist in asking further questions? I realize that those lucky enough to have supportive and loving families sometimes cannot imagine a situation as dire as mine was, and I don’t wish to be abrupt or unpleasant to them.

GENTLE READER: Saying that you do not know your parents, Miss Manners fears, sets the nosy -- and maybe the ordinary -- brain reeling, wondering how that is actually possible.

“I am afraid that I am not currently in touch with them, but thank you for your concern” might serve your purpose better. It also has the advantage of being more relatable, even if others’ circumstances are not nearly as dire as yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My kindergartner arrived home with a princess birthday party invite. We’re new in town, and she’s going to a small private school, so I thought this was a perfect chance to meet new parents.

My husband dropped us off at a very expensive home, where there were coolers full of beer, champagne and wine. It was a Sunday and not even noon. I don’t drink, generally, and definitely not with strangers, or around my 5-year-old, or on Sundays OR mornings -- never mind a Sunday morning with my child and a bunch of strangers.

I was confused, for starters, but as I spent the next two hours wandering the party, literally EVERYONE was drinking beer and asking why I wasn’t. They didn’t even have cake or open the presents. I left at the designated party end time, right before the “beer chugging championship” began in the kitchen.

Is this normal for wealthy families? Not only am I scared to bring my daughter to another party, I’m concerned that when it’s her turn for a birthday party, we’ll be the “weird” ones who actually play kids’ games and serve cake. I’ve sacrificed to put her in a nice private school, and now fear I’ve doomed her to be the poor kid.

GENTLE READER: Do you really think that drinking and rowdy behavior are quirks peculiar to the rich?

While these parents may have shown poor judgment, they, much like you, are likely doing it in the name of meeting and socializing with other parents. If you are frightened for your daughter’s safety, you need not attend.

And when it comes to planning her birthday party, Miss Manners suggests inviting only the children. At kindergarten age, there is no real need for extra parental chaperones. If the invitation provokes insinuations of weirdness, you may say, “We wanted to make this party about Chasten and her friends. But as we get to know the other parents, we would love to have them over for an adult party another time.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited to a Christmas party hosted by a longtime friend. We responded that we would attend the party, which was to be held about an hour’s drive from our home.

There is a significant snowstorm in our area. I know that with modern snow-removal methods, the roads are likely to be clear, but I am worried that conditions could worsen throughout the evening and that the roads could become slick as the temperature drops.

Since we are not comfortable driving on icy roads, I contacted the host to let her know that we would not be able to attend after all. I felt terrible about canceling after already accepting the invitation.

What is the proper thing to do in a situation like this? Should we not have accepted the invitation in the first place, knowing that poor driving conditions are common this time of year?

GENTLE READER: It is nearly impossible to predict the weather. And because Miss Manners does not wish for whole unruly seasons to forego festivity, she -- and most reasonable hosts -- will graciously accept last-minute cancellations for extenuating circumstances. As long as you accept that it may well be the subject of private debate whether yours were such or not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been with my boyfriend for seven years. It seems that every time I bring up the goals in this relationship, and ask if he plans a future with me, he always has a reason why marriage is not a good idea and how everything needs to be just right in every way: religious and political views matched, family relationships and friendships accepted mutually, etc.

Everyone around us, including our families, constantly asks when the big day will be, and his response is always “soon” and that he is “planning on it, it’s just a surprise.” At times, he has even told people we are already engaged.

When I ask, he says I have to be patient and it will happen one day. But it’s been seven years, and I have grown tired of hearing these “reasons.” I want to just move on, because I feel that “when you know, you know,” and the proposal should have happened already.

Am I being impatient or expecting this too soon?

GENTLE READER: Seven years of this seems, to Miss Manners, to demonstrate greater patience on your part than your boyfriend has a right to expect. It is apparently long enough for him to have realized that there are no consequences when he gives evasive answers. Whether you decide in advance to leave, you might at least want to change this impression.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I am in crowded restaurants, I always wait until I am close to the door or away from people before putting on my coat. I worry that hair or lint will land on someone’s plate.

Sometimes I’ve had to step outside in cold weather because the entrance was too crowded. Where should one put on a coat in crowded places where people are eating?

GENTLE READER: Coats can be donned anywhere between the table and the car. Miss Manners recommends, however, that you choose a spot that minimizes the risk not only of stray lint, but of smacking fellow customers in the face with your coattails, knocking the soup off of a waiter’s tray or demonstrating that you have absconded with the flatware.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am so frustrated. My husband is very hard of hearing but refuses to wear his hearing aids. Therefore, he misses out on details of conversations, and if I raise my voice to repeat something for the third or fourth time, he will tell me not to yell.

He is constantly fighting with our son, because he says our son screams at him. It is everyone else’s fault, not his. I have pretty much stopped conversing with him, because it is so difficult and terribly challenging. Any suggestions other than divorce?

GENTLE READER: While it is not Miss Manners’ belief that etiquette applies any less at home, family problems are less likely to benefit from the indirect solutions one often uses in company. Explain -- in writing, if necessary -- the impossible situation in which he is putting his family: He cannot hear you and you are admonished for speaking up. What would he suggest be done?

While this may not work, she would think it worth trying before involving lawyers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)