DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son, who is almost 3, started preschool a few weeks ago, and his teacher consistently mispronounces his name. The name is uncommon in this country, so we knew it would sometimes be mispronounced, but it reflects his father’s heritage, which was important to his father as a recent immigrant.

We worked hard to pick a name that was easy for native English speakers to pronounce, and we even made sure to spell it phonetically so our son wouldn’t have to correct people as often (unlike my husband, whose name is constantly butchered). I told the teacher early on that it was actually pronounced a bit differently than she’d said it, and acknowledged that it’s a name most people haven’t heard before, so we try to clarify how to say it.

Since then, the teacher has continued to mispronounce it. She hears me say his name every day, and she writes it on his artwork each day, so I know that she has seen its (phonetic) spelling. It is only two syllables, and there are only five other children in the preschool class.

Is there a polite way to correct her mispronunciation again? If so, is there a limit to the number of times I can correct her without being rude? Or should I just accept that she’s someone who isn’t good at remembering such things?

My son is little and still getting used to the idea of being away from home, so I imagine it can only help him feel more comfortable if his teacher calls him by the right name. I feel a bit rude correcting the teacher again and again, though.

GENTLE READER: Teach your son to do it. With a long life of correcting people ahead of him, why not start him off learning how to do it effectively now? Miss Manners finds mnemonics particularly fun and memorable: “It’s actually pronounced ‘Placate.’ ‘Play’ as in fun and ‘Kate’ as in Middleton.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Earlier this year, we found out that one of my husband’s places of employment will be shutting down, and he started on the unpleasant task of job-hunting. Happily, he heard back from most of the applications that he submitted, and he even had to turn down a few offers to avoid being overbooked.

One of the interviewers let slip that my husband had been shortlisted largely because of the glowing recommendation given to him by his soon-to-be-former boss. We are both extremely grateful to this person and agree that a nice note of thanks is in order.

Where we disagree is that I believe that a small gift would be a nice gesture, while my husband thinks it is unnecessary. What is the etiquette of thank-you gifts in professional settings? Are there specific types of gifts that we should steer away from?

GENTLE READER: Yes: ones that might be misconstrued as bribes.

In a professional setting, a favorable recommendation for a job well done -- while certainly appreciated -- should not be recompensed with a present. Lest, Miss Manners cautions, your prospective employers get wind of it and think that it came at a cost.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a tall, heavy person, I know that modern economy airline seats are tight and that the couple inches lost to a reclining seat can feel massive. But I have never thrown a fit like the woman behind me on an international flight (10 hours, with time change, overnight).

The moment I leaned back, she screamed about losing all her space and tapped my arm, asking me to sit up. I apologized (which I now regret, because I wasn’t really sorry) and said that I wished to sleep. She insisted that I sit up, and when I pointed out that the man in front of me had laid back to sleep as well, she said, “And that’s my problem?” To which I really wanted to say “yes,” but held my tongue, saying instead, “That is how the airlines designed the plane.”

I went back to trying to sleep, only to have her discreetly kick/hit the back of my seat for the next two hours! I was so upset I didn’t know what to say. I thought it was my right to lean my seat back. And when I gave up trying to sleep, I sat up (unlike the man in front of me). Did I act correctly? Was there something else I should have done?

GENTLE READER: Yes. Told on her.

Your assertion about how planes are built is correct, and it leaves the discomfort to be dealt with by passengers trying, against all odds, to stay out of one another’s way. But kicking and screaming is not the way to deal with this.

You should throw the problem back on the airlines by asking its representative, the hapless flight attendant who is not at fault, to mitigate the unpleasant situation: “Excuse me, but I am afraid that using the recline function is causing this woman discomfort. Is there anything to be done?”

Miss Manners fears that what is most likely to be done -- moving the complainer to a space with more room, or at least a different person to complain to -- is rewarding bad behavior. But at least it would no longer be your problem -- and you could get some much-needed sleep.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: So I work the third shift at a tech company. I found out through a brief conversation that the secretary at my company has a shared interest with me. I was wondering if it would be weird or socially unacceptable to give her a gift for Christmas related to our shared interest.

The gift is maybe $20, but because of our work schedules, I only talk with her for a few minutes every once in a while when I stay late. I suffer from social anxiety (part of the reason I enjoy working nights), so I realize I could be worrying over nothing, but I just wanted to know for sure.

GENTLE READER: There is nothing wrong with giving a small present to a co-worker -- as long as there is no chance of it being misinterpreted as an unwanted overture. Miss Manners therefore hopes that your shared interest is not in bath products -- or riding crops.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it considered impolite to tie the string of one’s tea bag around the teacup? I usually do this to prevent the string and tag from falling into the tea. Whenever I drink tea at my friend’s home, however, she gets terribly annoyed by this.

GENTLE READER: The presence of the tea bag at all indicates an informal, perhaps family, meal. This broadens the options for disposing of the bag to include placing it on the side of the saucer or empty plate, or excusing oneself to the kitchen to toss it in the trash or park it in an agreed-upon spot for later reuse.

So long as your method does not result in the bag landing on your lap when you go to drink, Miss Manners has no objection. If the hostess does, she is free to provide a different method of disposal, or a proper teapot.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our son asked my husband and me what we could contribute to his wedding. We told him we could host the rehearsal dinner with a budget of $2,500, but if the bill is more than that, he would need to cover it. We are retired and living on a fixed income.

My son and his fiancee travel lavishly and frequently, and both have excellent incomes. He became upset with us because he didn’t think we were inquiring enough about their wedding plans, and thinks we are waiting for the wedding to fall through. He also asked if there was any more we could contribute, such as hosting the bar at the reception.

He said he and his fiancee did not like our restaurant choice for the rehearsal dinner, but we know she would not approve of any choice we made. He has had to amend and add more to the engagement ring, and she is not satisfied with the engagement photos he paid for.

Bridezilla mentality has been the gist of their relationship: If he doesn’t do what she wants, she is not happy, and will leave. In all this time, she has never been friendly to us or our other son, and will go out of her way to avoid us. We were threatened to be cut from the wedding altogether, and from future contact with grandchildren, before they were even engaged.

If we are not able to choose a place we’d like to host the rehearsal dinner, our next thought is to contribute $1,500 to wherever they want to host it and that’s it. We don’t know where to go from here.

GENTLE READER: Unseemly as is the behavior of the lucky couple, offering them more control at a lower cost is neither graceful, nor likely to be effective. What you want, however unlikely it seems, is to make them happy and grateful -- in your debt figuratively, not literally.

Miss Manners would not exclude a change of venue to please them, if it can be done within the budget. But she suggests you be extremely clear with the venue that any alterations called in by the couple must be cleared with you prior to implementation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)