DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in a city famous for the nouveau riche materialism of many residents. When I meet such people, their inevitable first question is, “Where do you live?”

I think of this as the “doggie-sniffing-new-doggie question.” It’s a puerile form of “conversation” and a crude attempt to discern net worth, social status and the desirability of my acquaintance.

I have been handling it this way:

Them: Where do you live?

Me: In City.

Them: Well, of course; WHERE in City?

Me: Central City.

Them: Where specifically?

Me: Neither north, nor far north, nor south; Central.

Them: What is the nearest landmark? What are the cross streets?

Since they are so dogged, how may I answer to shut them down? I’ve an address in another city and am considering, “My legal address is in That City. Do you need the P.O. Box?”

I’m very tempted, at their first question, to say with a big smile, “Oh, you’re asking the ‘doggie-sniffing-new-doggie question!’” And repeat that every time they try to pry.

Also, such people never, but never, discuss their own addresses.

GENTLE READER: There are not a lot of safe questions for opening a conversation.

“Where are you from?” and “What do you do?” and “Where did you go to school?” can also be used unpleasantly to evaluate strangers. And we won’t even mention “Who are your people?”

But you, too, are passing harsh, instant judgment on people you are just meeting. Some of them might just be looking for common ground on which to converse. Miss Manners notices that the benefit of the doubt is in short supply these days.

But if you must play your teasing game, just say “Across town” or “Not far from here,” followed by “And you?” with a deeply interrogative stare, to see if they are worthy opponents.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are part of a large circle of friends, many of whom often host “bring an appetizer or dessert” parties. If I depart while there are still other guests in attendance, I generally put my remaining food items (finger foods) on a disposable plate to leave behind for anyone who might still be eating.

I heard from one of our most frequent hosts that she resents all the food left behind at her house, as she must then dispose of it. She would rather the person who brought it take it home.

What is the proper etiquette for dealing with food one has brought to a party such as this? Is it different for easily transferred foods, such as stuffed mushrooms or crostini, versus a casserole or salad?

GENTLE READER: To Miss Manners’ disgust, squabbles over leftovers seem to be a feature of communally supplied meals. She can hardly wait for the post-Thanksgiving complaints.

As hosts may differ about accepting the leftovers, the contributing guest can offer them or not, and accept the host’s response. Among friends, it should not be that hard.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Someone told me you said it is impolite to acknowledge another’s personal appearance, even if your intent was a compliment (“My, that sweater looks lovely on you!”). Is this truly impolite?

GENTLE READER: It is if you have no business staring at that person’s sweater.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A number of friends are hosting parties to raise funds to support a candidate for president.

I have already given what I can to this specific cause. May I use my prior donation as "credit" and still attend my friends' parties?

GENTLE READER: Your friends are not likely to think so. Unfortunately, donations to parties like these are often the price of admission -- and past donations are not likely to live on in the memory of campaigners who are trying to raise funds.

Miss Manners does not hold out strong hope that different parties will be held for past donors, but perhaps you can gently suggest that to the friends whose parties you will be declining. “I am afraid that we have met our budget for donating to this particular candidate, but here is hoping that when she wins, we will all be able to celebrate together.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Destination bachelor and bachelorette parties seem to be the norm. Is the best man or maid of honor expected to pay for everything?

My son seems to think it is his responsibility to pay for "their" big weekend, even if they are calling for an expensive destination party. I think he is heading for a huge disappointment if all of his friends get married before him and, when his turn comes, these same men will be knee-deep in mortgages and car payments and maybe even children. They may not be able to reciprocate.

I tried explaining this to him, that not everybody has the kind of income to be able to afford this kind of extravagance.

GENTLE READER: Does he? Is your son truly prepared to pay for the vacation of the groom and all of his friends?

That is generous indeed. But it being “his responsibility” is what gives Miss Manners pause, not the idea that it will not be reciprocated. Agreeing to be honored in a good friend’s wedding does not mean signing up to pay for expensive group vacations -- no matter what the magazines and affianced tell you. Your son would do well to suggest that these expenses are shared -- or if he feels he is unable to get out of the assignment, that he get to pick a venue that he can better afford.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Twice a year, I visit an old man who has worked in my industry since before I was born. He's something of a mentor. When we meet on the weekends, it is at his country home, and members of his staff serve lunch and then drive me back.

My spouse thinks I should bring a gift when visiting anyone at home. I wouldn't have a clue what to give a business acquaintance, particularly someone of exceptional wealth, so I send a handwritten thank-you card a few days later. Should I be doing more?

GENTLE READER: While a present is not strictly necessary, Miss Manners takes issue with some of your reasoning: 1. That rich people only like expensive presents and 2. That you could not possibly guess what a man you frequently visit and who shares an interest in your industry might like.

Thoughtful thank-you letters are sufficient. But the occasional small present, like a book or token that references something you have talked about, would also be exceptionally charming.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that “We’ll have to get together sometime” is a conventional phrase not to be taken literally. But at what point does a “Let’s make plans” comment become a binding promise?

I say that mentioning a specific activity and date (“I’d like to show you my favorite picnic spot while you’re in town -- maybe next Tuesday?”) obligates one to follow through as spoken, and that the other party has a right to initiate further inquiry if more specific details are not confirmed on “schedule.”

Others in my family say that everything is to be taken as a “maybe” until the original party volunteers a specific hour and address, and that if they don’t, it’s rude to ask -- that politeness requires letting the whole idea evaporate without comment.

GENTLE READER: We are at a sad moment in society when enthusiasm is mistaken for rudeness.

Miss Manners assures you that either party has the option of making vague plans more firm -- or suggesting options -- without it being deemed pushy. “Let’s get together” can be politely followed by, “Yes, let’s. My schedule is open next week. Which date works for you?”

If someone does not make an authoritative move, the game of making plans will otherwise go on forever -- and that is before all of the inevitable canceling and rescheduling begins. Miss Manners applauds -- and certainly does not wish to scare away -- any party who is willing to put down stakes. She invites the others in your family to do the same.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to respond to people who want to know the RSVP deadline after receiving an invitation that does not name one?

I tried saying that I would start calling in a couple of weeks if I did not hear back, and then, when pressed again, I asked if the inquirer needed more time to decide.

Now I'm getting accused of being rude for not giving a deadline. Please give me an alternative; I'm tempted to send them one of your columns, which I know Miss Manners would not permit me to do.

GENTLE READER: Why? Do you think that Miss Manners writes this column in order to practice her typing?

You are indeed correct that giving a deadline to respond to an invitation should not be necessary. For that matter, neither should any specific request for a reply, such as “RSVP.”

What else should one do with an invitation if not respond to it? Frame it?

Miss Manners has long lost that battle, however, and therefore allows requests for reply. But it is not rude to omit a deadline. On the contrary, including one treats adults like high-school students -- almost daring them to wait until the last minute.

It would all but tempt Miss Manners to exclude anyone who does not reply, if she had not witnessed the chaos that brings. Still, if you are prepared for a few extra people to show up, it might be a way of making your point. She would rather take that chance, than give up on civilized life.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)