DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been to social gatherings with my fiance where most of the guests were his family members or his old friends. I either am much less familiar with these people, or meeting them for the first time, so I expect him to take the lead when it comes to the end of these events.

However, there have been several times that I felt it was fairly clear the hosts would like us to go: We’ve been there several hours and they put the baby to bed; we’ve helped clear the dishes, it’s really late and the conversation has lulled several times.

I keep waiting for my fiance to do the ”Well, it’s been so great, but it’s getting late ...” Nothing. It often drags out until either I say something or the host does some “subtle” prompting (admittedly, during a time that we were at someone’s home until 3 a.m., I fell asleep).

I need to have a talk with him about this, but to be honest, I think he might just be bad at picking up on the social cues. Is it ever appropriate for me to excuse us from these social gatherings of people who barely know me?

Is there a good way for me to indicate to him, “Hey, I think these people might want us to go now”? Or should I just go along with him in these situations since he does know them better?

GENTLE READER: You are going to be very welcome in this family, which has probably been wondering for years how to unstick your fiance from their sofas.

Certainly, you can always initiate the departure with a burst of enthusiasm at how enjoyable the evening was as you stand up and move toward the door. But there is another tool that you need to have a happy marriage.

It is called The Look. In the midst of a social gathering, one spouse can stare wide-eyed at the other as a signal that something needs to be done. That could be that it is time to go home, but it could also be, “Soft-pedal that story; it’s a bit too risque for them” or, “You have some food on your face.”

Should you have children, The Look will be even more useful, as it says, “I’m not going to embarrass you in public, but if you don’t stop that right now, you’ll be in deep trouble when we get home.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand that it is traditional for the bride to dance with her father at her wedding. I like the ceremony and symbolism of that father-daughter dance, and I would also like to recognize each of my three brothers by dancing with them.

However, I would think that it would be rather tedious for my guests to sit through five dances (including the first dance of the bride and groom) before being allowed to take the floor themselves. What is proper in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Yes, this would be charming, but not as a ceremony, performed for onlookers. After you get that “Awwww” reaction for your dance with your father, Miss Manners expects you to invite your guests to begin general dancing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I don’t live in our home state, so every four years, we vote by absentee ballot. I normally request ballots for him and myself. Prior to the last election, I literally placed his ballot in front of him and handed him the pen. For an upcoming election, I fear he may vote for someone I am vehemently against. I’m not sure of this, but I find the idea so abhorrent I’m thinking of requesting my ballot only. What do you advise?

GENTLE READER: Whether or not this would constitute tampering with an election, Miss Manners is sure it would mean tampering with your marriage. How convincingly can you say, “Oh, did you want me to send for your ballot, too?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Though our family was not wealthy, I inherited Mom’s china, silver, crystal and linens, and I love using them. They remind me of her, and it’s fun to set the table and cook a big meal.

Our street has many couples of our age and era, and dinners seemed like a good way to get to know our new neighbors. We’ve had many neighbors over for dinners, but none have reciprocated, except one who included us in a big neighborhood potluck.

Do people no longer use their dining rooms? Is their mothers’ china only for Thanksgiving and Christmas? Are sit-down dinners out of fashion, and backyard potlucks with football on TV all that’s acceptable?

Did we offend? We have also asked couples over for casual drinks and snacks in the garden. They come, but don’t invite us in return.

We have no children, and I’m beginning to wonder if our family china will end up in a landfill, no longer valued by any generation. Mom must be turning in her grave.

GENTLE READER: Yes, the cruel truth is that the private dinner party, that most delightful of social forms, is moribund.

So is the entire ancient peacekeeping practice of breaking bread together. Nightly family dinners, Sunday dinners with the older generation, dinner parties, informal suppers with friends -- all are in decline.

Miss Manners is asking you, and others who appreciate the form, to preserve it, like medieval monks copying manuscripts. And that means not only inviting your unresponsive neighbors, but younger generations, when their children and grandchildren are visiting.

It is true that there are still holiday dinners with extended family and friends, although perhaps the rarity contributes to the contentiousness of which many complain. People who are not used to convivial gatherings may see these as opportunities to unleash saved-up criticisms and complaints, not to mention contempt for others’ political opinions.

Other social event forms are lavish weddings, self-generated birthday parties, cooperative group meetings, and professionally organized fundraisers. These have added to the confusion at the few remaining private meals by making it seem mandatory for the guests to bring presents and food.

And people increasingly entertain or meet in restaurants, creating the problem of which is which: Is the person initiating it a host, who should pay the bill? Or suggesting a non-host agreement to dine together, in which case everyone should have a say about the choice of restaurant? Even then, a joint bill creates the problem of whether it is to be split evenly or divided by what individuals ordered. (Hint: Ask for separate checks. It is less annoying to the server than having to wait while everyone haggles.)

There are valid reasons that have made private home entertaining more difficult. Not only are most adults likely to be in the workforce, curtailing the time to prepare such an event, but work now makes more demands -- for longer hours, after-hours messaging and pseudo-socializing. Children, too, are likely to have scheduled after-school activities.

Then there is the menu problem. There can be serious reasons -- medical, religious, ethical -- for avoiding certain foods. That’s in addition to plain old food fussers, whom these reasons seem to have emboldened.

Miss Manners urges you to carry on despite these difficulties. Those who have never experienced the conviviality of small gatherings where people can exchange ideas in a spirit of good humor -- whether or not they have the china and silver -- don’t know what they are missing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the polite way to eat plain raisins?

GENTLE READER: By hand. Unless they are in a pudding, which would be kind of messy.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are new parents to a 1-month-old. He does the midnight feeding, while I take on any baby needs after that point.

After the 6 a.m. feed, I often try to go back to bed to get more sleep, as I am exhausted from being up throughout the night. It takes me awhile to get back to sleep.

An hour later, my husband insists on pressing the snooze button until he decides to get up for work. This leaves me unable to sleep and frustrated to the point of tears, as I know the baby will be up again soon. He insists that he should be able to press snooze at least once a morning.

I am an exhausted new mom recovering from surgery, and feel that giving me an hour of sleep is the least he could do. Who is correct?

GENTLE READER: Do you really have any doubt?

You may suggest, with Miss Manners’ blessing, that if that if your husband would like to switch with you and take the 6 a.m. feeding, then he could conveniently stay up for work and not have to push the “snooze” button at all. You may further add that you would be happy to experiment with his rule to make sure that you, in turn, properly wake up in the middle of the night when it is your turn.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please help settle a disagreement between my boyfriend and me. When you get a free water cup for the soda machine at a restaurant, are you allowed to get the bubbly water under the soda tab, or just the plain water? I always get the bubbly soda water, and he accuses me of stealing. Am I doing something wrong, or is he uptight?

GENTLE READER: Both? It is not generally good form to ask for water and then use the cup for soda instead. That, Miss Manners supposes, is why the water cup is flimsier. The punishment then becomes self-inflicted.

However, as long as it does not become a habit, she -- and likely the establishment that is already on to you -- will turn the occasional blind eye to a splash of soda in your otherwise plain water.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who works for me; she is also a Realtor. My husband and I will be putting our home up for sale in about six months and moving to another state.

Neither of us likes using friends in a business deal. Plus, she has only sold one home so far (her own).

I feel bad, but what can I say to her when the time comes to put our home up for sale, and we choose someone with more experience?

GENTLE READER: The relevant information here is that she is a friend, not that she is bad at her job. It is not an uncommon practice to separate business relationships from friendships -- in the interest of keeping both. Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with politely telling your friend this when the time comes -- and tolerantly accepting advice when she inevitably feels compelled to give it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)