DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boss received a beautiful bouquet of flowers for her birthday from a business vendor. As she was away on a vacation, and would be gone for another week, I sent her a photo and video of the bouquet and card so that they could be temporarily enjoyed, at least visually.

I was a bit stunned to get a call from her asking me to please call the florist, and ask if the flowers could be picked up and a new bouquet delivered upon her return, but I said “Of course.” So I called the local florist and they said they’d see what they could do.

Apparently the florist then called their client, the sender, to ask if they’d like to pay to send a second bouquet. Somebody bears the cost of a second bouquet.

It seems to me that a gracious person would have said, “Oh, those are beautiful; would someone in our office like to take them home and enjoy them?” Was her request a symptom of over-entitlement?

GENTLE READER: Alive as Miss Manners is to the rudeness of others, she cannot help noticing that there would be less rudeness if we did not go around expecting to find it. What your boss did was unexpected, but not rude.

What happened next created the mess, much like the actor who drops a prop that causes another actor to trip and fall into the lap of the gentleman in the front row.

Your boss’s hope that the flower shop would reschedule the delivery after it had occurred was absurdly optimistic. But she is the boss. Your call to the flower shop should have been: “My apologies. I realize this is unusual, but my boss is out of town. Would it be possible to reschedule the delivery?”

The word “reschedule” makes clear that you are asking the flower shop not to charge you a second time; the apology is an acknowledgment that, unless your company does an enormous amount of business with this particular florist, you can hardly expect them to comply.

The florist should then have responded: A. “I’m sorry, but we cannot reschedule after delivery has been made”; B. “We are happy to deliver a new bouquet next week, but we will have to charge for it”; or C. “Sure.”

None of this having happened, the sender should, after the florist’s call asking for more money, have called your boss (or yourself) to find out what was going on, at which point someone could have canceled -- or paid for -- the pending order. The point being that clarity and good will all around would have made unnecessary any question about the quality of your boss’s upbringing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best response to a gentleman who looks over to you in church and says, “By the way, your perfume is very nice.”

GENTLE READER: “Shhh.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is proper placement at a dining table? Specifically, where is the head of the table?

GENTLE READER: The head of the table is where the host is seated. Miss Manners presumes you are asking in your capacity as host, and not as a guest, but the answer is the same.

The only difference is that, if the table itself does not make the answer obvious, then you will need to convey that information so no one sits in your chair. This can be accomplished with place cards or by telling guests individually where they are to sit, both of which are less work than constructing a dais or procuring fan-bearers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When one person is already in a narrow hallway, and another person comes down the stairs and tries to enter the hallway and pass by the person already in the hallway, what should happen?

GENTLE READER: Who yields place to let another pass is generally determined by factors other than physical location, such as age, gender, ability (or disability) and even visibility (of the space or the people). But in very narrow spaces, where there may be a limited number of places to go when getting out of the way, Miss Manners is content to have the person closer to the pull-off give way.

She notes that your question was more open-ended (“what should happen”), but if the situation you are describing involves, for example, two newlyweds who have just moved into a first apartment, what may happen in tight quarters is not, first, an etiquette question.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If someone is riding in the back seat of a car with friends, and the driver drops off the other friends first, should the remaining one in the back seat move up to the front seat?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette encourages this without demanding it, although Miss Manners takes into account the distance to the final destination, the outside weather conditions and the car speed at the time the previous friend disembarked.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Years ago, when gentlemen walked on the outside of a woman when walking along the street, the way I heard it was that it was to protect the lady from threats. Was this, or is this still, the case?

GENTLE READER: It was and is the case (although other countries always put the lady on the gentleman’s right), and threats from the street have not, unfortunately, disappeared.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please tell me proper etiquette for a wedding reception that has now been changed to a “pre-elopement party”? Does this call for the same gift as a wedding?

GENTLE READER: The pre-elopement party is a new one on Miss Manners. She is inclined to classify it still as a wedding reception -- for which presents, though perhaps appreciated, are not customary. She assumes that the guests are not expected to bring ladders to abet the impending escape.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 70-year-old man from Asia, where old people are more respected. So it bothers me when teenagers or very young people whom I have never met before call me by my first name, when I have never given them permission to do so.

I think the protocol is that they address you by your last name, like “Mr. Johnson” or “Miss Smith,” until you tell them that they can call you by your first name, reflecting the relationship that has developed or whatever is your preference.

I have heard from many foreigners that Americans are rude in certain ways, and this is one of them. Can you please clarify this issue?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but you will have to turn your thinking upside-down. In America, youth is respected. Strangely, even many old people endorse this feeling, to the extent of feeling insulted if they are treated with respectful formality.

Mind you, Miss Manners believes that this is a terrible system. It means no one has anything to which to look forward. But so it is.

Furthermore, there is a widespread belief in instant friendship. Steps to intimacy, including the use of given names, have been all but erased. Therefore, the young who address you are not intending to be rude. They believe that they are being friendly, however unlikely it is that a friendship exists between you.

So their behavior is based on two patent falsehoods: that you are young, and that you are their friend. This is enormously patronizing, and Miss Manners shares your distaste.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: These days, folks assume an invitation or announcement is a solicitation of a gift. How can I convey that my intent for sending an announcement or invitation is truly only to share news, and truly only to wish for someone’s attendance at a celebration?

Putting “no gifts, please” on the correspondence doesn’t work, and is rude. But I am chagrined to think that announcing family milestones is interpreted as a gift grab. There were times when the presumption was not inherent, but it is not these times. What to do?

GENTLE READER: How many times does Miss Manners have to state that invitations and announcements are not bills?

It is true that there are certain occasions to which presents should be brought by those who actually attend: children’s birthday parties, and showers for weddings or expected babies. Otherwise, presents should be given when the prospective donors care enough about the people to want to give them tangible evidence of their warm feelings.

Yes, there is a catch. People who don’t care enough should not be attending those weddings and other ceremonial occasions; and ones who do care, but cannot attend, should want to send a token of their affection anyway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Servers in a fine dining room at an independent living home for elders have been taught to both serve and remove plates from the right.

Residents believe you serve the plate from the left and remove it from the diner’s right. Please comment.

GENTLE READER: The servers are wrong. As you are the clients, you may instruct management to retrain them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)