DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law of 40+ years, who I thought liked me, stated that she hates Democrats, knowing I am one. I jokingly replied, with a smile, “Hey! I’m a Democrat.”

She responded that the area she lives in is Republican and doesn’t work well with Democrats. I was taken aback. Am I too sensitive? Do I bring it up to her?

GENTLE READER: The way to deal with a mean remark that someone is trying to pass off as a joke is to take it seriously:

“You HATE me? Really? I know we have different politics, but I’ve always been so fond of you! This comes as a terrible shock!”

This leaves her with having to say, “Of course I didn’t mean you,” to which you can reply, “But I’m a Democrat, and you said it to me.” Miss Manners advises saying this with a trembling lip, if you can manage it. And do not crack a smile as your sister-in-law wearily tries to back-pedal.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About five years ago, I was deeply in love with a man of interests and passions so attuned to my own, it was amazing! Through a series of misfortunate events, we parted ways after two years together. I have healed about 99% with infrequent memories.

I also had strong feelings for his mother (mine has passed). She is widely adored and a kind, loving lady. We shared many happy times together, and I felt a strong connection.

After all this time, I would like to write her a short note of respect and admiration. Am I silly? Would this be inappropriate?

GENTLE READER: While Miss Manners takes your word for the fact that you are motivated only by a desire to be back in touch with this kind, loving lady, and are not using it as a way to get back with her son, she cannot promise that the kind, loving lady will do so.

But yes, write the letter, as it should give the lady pleasure, but omit any mention of the gentleman. And if she does not answer, you should accept the possibility that she consulted her son and he said it was better to leave the situation alone.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Lately I have been to a number of funerals where there is no receiving line. Dozens of people are all milling about and hard to see. As a result, I only get to talk to the family members I recognize, and it’s often been many years since I’ve seen some of them.

Do you agree with me that if the no-line protocol is used, then the people I have come to share condolences with should wear nametags in order to be known?

GENTLE READER: No, because Miss Manners believes that the only way to make sure that everyone has a chance to see the family is a receiving line.

The same is true of weddings, which are often equally frustrating to the guests because of the silly idea that receiving lines are “too formal.” As if funerals and weddings are casual occasions.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Growing up, I was notorious for never remembering my wallet when running errands with family. This continued into my 20s, where I would be over at my parents’ house when one of them stated they were going to run errands and asked if I wanted to come along. It rarely occurred to me to bring my own money, because I was just along for the ride -- never mind that I might need something at the same store.

Now, later in life, I find myself out with friends and often caught off-guard when the check comes and I watch them sneak cash into each others’ pockets and purses to pay for each others’ drinks and meals. I come prepared to pay for myself and to contribute to the tip, and feel like an amateur magician attempting sleight-of-hand trying to copy them.

Vowing to do better, I invited two friends out to afternoon tea and made sure to grab the check when it came. When asked if I was sure, I held strong; when asked a second time, to my shame, I handed the check over. I had not brought cash because I was going to pay for everything, since I was the one who invited them out.

I want to fix this, but am unsure how to do it. I work with one of the friends, but will not see the other one for a couple of months. I thought of mailing a note stating they had dropped something (cash), but am unsure how to do it without being crass.

GENTLE READER: You must resolve to do even better. Miss Manners agrees that it is unseemly to be constantly sneaking cash and playing games, rather than the much more dignified practice of taking turns paying the entire bill.

But you have a terrible track record. Miss Manners has only known you for 30 seconds and her trust in your good intentions is already waning.

For the immediate problem, be straightforward with your friends and tell them that you insist that you were their host. Send a check or wire the money through one of the many phone applications that make sneaking cash into their wallets much less covert.

For the bigger problem, she suggests you practice two things: Keeping cash in your possession and being resolute if your intention is to host. If you do not trust yourself on either account, start leaving your credit card with the waitstaff before a meal you intend to buy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I would like to order monogrammed linen napkins for my daughter and her husband, who have hyphenated their last names, and use that in their professional and personal lives.

How does one include a hyphenated last name in a monogram?

GENTLE READER: Ask the engravers if they are willing to create a centered, hyphenated double initial. If not, Miss Manners suggests alternating napkins.

As your daughter has no doubt become aware -- at doctor’s offices and airport ticketing counters -- the alphabetized world is almost exclusively concerned with the first initial of a hyphenated surname. If this has not yet occurred to the couple, and causes last-minute panic when they suddenly realize whose name is taking precedence, Miss Manners suggests that you hold off on your monogramming until they settle it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and their spouse are planning a five-day vacation to my city, and have invited me out for dinner one night. I live in a trendy town with a lot of unique restaurants, and they asked me for a recommendation and information about specific places.

I haven’t been to the spots they asked about, but suggested others that I like a lot. They didn’t take my recommendations, and instead chose one of the restaurants on their list. Neither their choice nor my rec is a famous place, and both are highly reviewed online.

I’m going to go and likely enjoy the food a lot, but their decision still confuses me. Obviously, they can go wherever they want, but I still feel a little insulted they would rely on travel websites over me, a person who has lived here for 15 years.

This is the second time this has happened with out-of-town visitors. Are they being rude? Am I out of touch? Is it somewhere in between?

GENTLE READER: As you were twice fooled, Miss Manners understands why you would be miffed -- and unlikely to want to be ignored if asked for restaurant recommendations in the future. If the next request comes with an accompanying list, you may say, “I don’t know the ones you suggested, but if those don’t work out, I am happy to make reservations at one of my favorite places.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were invited to a wedding where I don’t know the couple as well as he does, but we RSVPed for both of us. But then my husband was promoted at work, and there is a required event on the day of the wedding.

We informed the couple as soon as we knew, and they were very gracious about it. I told the bride’s sister -- whom I know well and who is doing a lot of the planning -- that I wasn’t comfortable going alone since it is a three-hour drive, and I cannot drive after dark.

After that conversation, the bride found a man to take my husband’s reservation and said he would be willing to drive down with me.

That is not happening.

I know him, but not well. He isn’t married, but I think he has a girlfriend.

Would it be OK for me to just ask the couple if he can take both reservations?

I don’t want to be one of those people who disregards the purpose of an RSVP, but I cannot see how to make this work.

GENTLE READER: And yet this bride has done everything in her power to make things work on your behalf. Miss Manners is not insisting that you ride three hours with a near-stranger (however vetted he may be), but the bride has tried and failed to present a solution without also disrupting her table settings.

Now the problem is yours. You can either politely refuse the offer and hire a car instead (although Miss Manners warns you that the driver might also not be married or have a girlfriend), or do as you suggest and decline the invitation entirely. But then, Miss Manners warns, you should not soon expect another one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)