DEAR MISS MANNERS: A lot of entertaining at people’s homes involves potluck dinners where everyone brings a dish. I love cooking, and put a considerable amount of time and energy into preparing a dish that guests will enjoy, as do many others in my circle. Often, these dinners are some of the best food you will find in our town.

But there are some who bring the cheapest and least time-consuming thing they can think of: a bag of chips, guacamole, deli potato salad, etc. Someone once actually brought a cheap takeout pizza.

I find this infuriating. Most of the time, these non-contributors just don’t feel like doing anything, so they don’t. That doesn’t stop them from eating what others have spent time making. I think it’s incredibly selfish and self-centered, as most of these folks have both the time and the money to contribute. These are the same people who bring the cheapest wine they can find.

I had one party at my home, and I will never do it again, as I found myself scrambling around in my kitchen trying to find something to put out to eat in the absence of any real contributions.

Any ideas on how to handle this diplomatically, short of narrowing my social circle? This is a SMALL town where everybody knows everybody else.

GENTLE READER: Telling people to bring their own food and then quibbling with the results is unfair and counter-productive. If you don’t like what’s being offered, there is a simple solution. It’s called a dinner party. Miss Manners assures you that even one on a grand scale is possible.

However, even if you declare it so (“No need to bring anything, this time we just want to give it ourselves”), your friends will still bring cheap wine and store-bought chips, which you can put aside or toss. But at least they will have been forewarned -- and the main dishes will have been suitably prepared in advance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m in an exclusive relationship with a man I love. We are in our 50s and have had a rocky five years together. I have a problem with his friendship with another woman he has known since childhood, who recently became separated from her husband because she was unfaithful.

My man and I don’t live together anymore, and she seems to always be around when I visit. They laugh and carry on like teenagers, and I feel like an outsider. I have asked him to stop, but he thinks I’m being silly.

What are the rules of etiquette for these situations? He’s way too old for a chaperone, if that even exists anymore!

GENTLE READER: Rarely prone to jealousy or hasty conclusions herself, Miss Manners is nevertheless afraid that this situation does not look good. At least for you. He is entitled to have friends, but not to exclude you from their giggling.

She suggests that you reassess what “exclusive” means to all parties, and perhaps give your gentleman friend some time to figure it out. If he decides that it means spending more time with his old friend, then you may want to reconsider the relationship. Your efforts will be far better spent finding another suitable middle-aged man than in attempting to employ a chaperone for the current one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At our local farmers market, I took my young children to the playground structure to burn off some energy after being in the stroller for some time. There was a small line of toddlers and preschoolers waiting in line to go down the slide.

When my child was second in line, an older girl (maybe in first or second grade) started climbing up the slide and actually stepped over the small toddler who was first in line. I looked around and didn’t see her parents (at least anyone correcting her), and as she started stepping over my son, I said, “Honey, it is not kind to step over the other kids.”

I normally don’t get involved with playground issues unless there is actual danger, but felt that something had to be said; however, the mother of the toddler in line gave me a strange look. I have spent the time since second-guessing myself on whether I should have let this older girl continue to climb over the small kids and hold up the line to go down the slide. Did I do the correct thing?

GENTLE READER: You did. Miss Manners hopes that this is reassurance enough, as you are unlikely to find support anywhere else on the playground, unless perhaps from the squashed toddler.

There is a general ban against parenting other people’s children, with the exception being, as you correctly cite, imminent danger. But “imminent danger” can be expanded to include stepping over (or on) your child -- so long as you confine yourself to a polite, verbal correction, as you did. At the very least, you will have avoided accusations by your own toddlers in later years that you never stuck up for them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there something wrong with a married woman taking a vacation from everything, including her husband?

I have a very stressful work and graduate-school schedule, and am about ready to burst if I don’t have a little two- or three-day retreat, just for myself, away from my household responsibilities. If this is OK, how do I go about telling my husband my plans without hurting his feelings?

GENTLE READER: Even if etiquette allowed us to admit having had enough of our nearest and dearest, human feelings would not. It inevitably leads the dearest to wonder whether two or three days are sufficient to dispel any negative emotions.

This is no time, in other words, for candor. It would be tactful to find someone you can stomach spending time with -- a sister, a parent, a best friend -- and present the trip as mother-daughter bonding, or whatever. Miss Manners hopes she does not need to explain that the list of acceptable companions is only very slightly larger than that given above.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a person buys and moves into a new home, is it up to the new homeowners to invite family to see their home (which sounds like you are looking for a gift), or should the family call and ask to see the house?

GENTLE READER: Even firefighters and paramedics wait for invitations from the homeowner before entering. Miss Manners expects the same to apply to family members, no matter how curious they may be.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a stranger approaches you with a question to which you give a definite answer, and then asks another person right next to you the exact same question for confirmation, would this be considered rude?

GENTLE READER: It is, assuming the definite answer was not a refusal. Miss Manners notes, however, that the fluid nature of sidewalk traffic makes it easy for the questioner to avoid this offense -- wait until the first person leaves -- and equally easy for the insult to be ignored -- cross the street.

If this is unavoidable, then a polite second request must acknowledge the first answer and imply a reason for the repetition: “Is that what your watch says, as well?” And thanking anyone who gives an answer is a good first step.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I organized and paid for a family reunion. This included paying for five hotel rooms for my family, a meal at a restaurant costing $600, and a game in which I gave out envelopes with cash in them (total of $200). After the party, I also did lunches, which I paid for, totaling about $300.

Mind you, I am retired on a fixed income. I had to fly across the country, for which I paid. My family is reluctant to acknowledge or thank me.

No one except one cousin offered to pay their own way on anything. When I returned, I wrote 23 thank-you notes to them for coming. I mentioned on social media this fact, and the fact that I had received no thank-you notes from any family member. Then I got on social media and found many notes from my family condemning me, saying I was not kind, nor Christian. It broke my heart, but this is the norm from my family. I am pretty much ignored by my family.

Is it now normal not to send any acknowledgment for a kindness given? Is common courtesy now dead??

GENTLE READER: Courtesy is not dead, Miss Manners believes, though she sometimes needs to be resuscitated when she faints on the pavement (courtesy, not Miss Manners, who pays more attention to her footing).

The situation you describe leaves several points to be cleared up, even aside from why you spent so lavishly that you imply it was a hardship.

Writing thank-you letters to your host after an entertainment is, indeed, a requirement of good manners, although the cash outlay involved is irrelevant. Writing thank-you letters to your guests for attending is not. Publicly shaming your guests for a failure to write is both rude and, as you discovered, likely to incite further rudeness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At what age is it proper to add “and guest” on an invitation? (For example, wedding invitation, family function, etc.)

GENTLE READER: The question is not the age at which such a designation can properly be added -- because the answer is “never” -- but at what age it can be dropped. Anyone inviting small children to a party must expect the invitation to include someone to bring them, to retrieve them and to make sure, between those two events, that they do not climb the curtains. Once those functions can be accomplished unaided by adult guests, Miss Manners advises you to invite people by name.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)