DEAR MISS MANNERS: My personal office door opens directly to the passage between the lobby and the rest of the office (break room, other offices, etc.), all of which are in close quarters. I prefer to keep my door open so that anyone can walk in for their needs relating to my department.

However, because of this, everyone walking by naturally looks into my office with me sitting sideways, facing my computer. I do not particularly mind this, except that some of my co-workers might find it rude when I neglect to greet them when they pass by. (Of course, I greet anyone who knocks or steps into my office.)

Am I rude not to greet each person passing by? Should I just close my door? Unfortunately, the door does not have a glass panel or anything that would make my office a little more accessible.

GENTLE READER: Your office would be accessible if, when anyone knocked on your door, you answered, “Come in.” Why do you want to leave yourself open to hallway traffic?

Miss Manners knows why. You have the popular idea that this shows openness, if not warmth, to human contact, although that might not be relevant to your work. What your closed door shows is that you are hard at work and should not be disturbed other than for work-related matters.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m unable to attend a distant relative’s wedding and bridal shower. I am wondering what your thoughts are on if there is the need to send monetary gifts, and proposed amounts.

GENTLE READER: You do not have to pay to stay away, even if the couple proposed that -- and if it would be worth it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are renting rooms in our home to two temporary boarders. I have noticed that one of them does not wash their hands after urinating.

I don’t mean to notice, but their bathroom is beside the couch, and the water does not run after I hear the flushing. I have also not needed to refill the soap yet in that bathroom.

This person uses our kitchen and barely washes before handling dishes or food.

As a person who works with young children, I am more germ-aware than many people. I am not sure how to best communicate my discomfort. Would it be rude to ask someone to practice basic hand hygiene?

GENTLE READER: Yes and no. It is not just rude but creepy to monitor other people’s bathroom noises, so you should at least not admit to doing this. And you should not instruct your boarders about their behavior behind closed doors, as you may with the young children whom you supervise.

Nevertheless, Miss Manners realizes that you are not likely to forget what you have heard. So what you can do, if you do it gently, is to establish a general rule in regard to your kitchen. Just tell all your boarders, regardless of the ill-gotten information you have about them, that you ask everyone to wash hands before using the kitchen.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 13 weeks pregnant, and really annoyed with my husband’s family members for constantly asking me how I feel and if I’m showing yet. I’m at the point where I am getting angry enough to try to avoid them.

I guess it’s because when I do describe how I’m feeling, they don’t listen -- almost like the question is just something that needs to be asked, and they don’t know how to react to a description of sickness.

I feel like telling them that I’m not going to answer that question anymore. I know those words are blunt, but how should I tell my husband’s mother, sister, aunts, dad, etc. to stop asking questions?

GENTLE READER: Now, now. Of all the indignities people routinely direct toward pregnant ladies, “How are you?” is not the worst. It is not even a particularly nosy question, but merely a conventional pleasantry.

There is no need to be snippy to your baby’s close relatives. However, Miss Manners will allow you to give a frank answer, such as “nauseous” or “cranky” (one word; no graphic descriptions) provided that you do it with an impishly apologetic smile. They will not be likely to press you for details. And in all fairness, you would not want them to offer folk remedies or remind you that your discomfort is worth the end result.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are looking forward to settling into our new, small community, and meeting our neighbors. We received a community-wide email from a neighbor we have yet to meet, informing us of a party they will be having, to which we are not invited (not surprised, not expected). The email was alerting us to the fact that multiple watercraft would be mooring in the community waterway, and additional cars would likely be creating traffic congestion on the street -- and “Thanks in advance for your understanding.”

How should we best respond? We do not object to a neighbor entertaining guests, but how do we convey our desire that our privacy and property be respected as they enjoy their guests in a polite, civil manner? We realize we will be living with the neighbors longer than the party, so this may be our best opportunity to develop good relations for the present and future.

GENTLE READER: Then Miss Manners suggests that you not assume that your neighbors would give uncivil, disrespectful parties unless you instructed them otherwise. You should respond by wishing them a pleasant evening.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who lost her husband. I am sending her a thank-you note, and am not sure how to address her on the envelope.

GENTLE READER: Please reassure Miss Manners that you meant a letter of condolence, not a thank-you note. Otherwise, she would not like to hear the backstory.

A widow does not change her mode of address, and changing it for her is unpleasant, as well as wrong. If she was Mrs. Ethan Winkle before the death, she still is. If she was always Ms. Harriet Ruff-Winkle, she still is.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother has a mediocre job where he makes minimal money, but he goes to work every day and tries to provide for his family. His girlfriend, who is also the mother of his 7-year-old, stays home.

She was a stay-at-home mom caring for the child, but the child has been in school for two years, and she still sits at home while he struggles to cover the basic bills.

I noticed through social media that she goes out; I noticed she has the newest phone; I noticed she posts about shopping. It is hard to watch him struggle while she does nothing. He mentions it, but she always brushes that off at family gatherings.

My husband and I support our niece by giving her gifts that will help them and offering to pay for activities, but it is very frustrating to help an able-bodied person who could easily work.

She always has an excuse. She says she wants to spend time as a family when they are all together in the evening, and on weekends she does not want to miss her daughter’s activities. There are many jobs she could work from home. She says she has trouble finding a job, and when suggestions are offered, she denies them.

It is so hard to watch my brother struggle. Any thoughts besides what we are already doing?

GENTLE READER: Undoubtedly, your brother is aware of the problem and has shared your same thoughts -- or decided that he is resigned to, or even happy with, the situation. He and his child’s mother do not need helpful admonishments or recommendations, no matter how well-intended.

Miss Manners is afraid that doing more than what you have will result in additional unneeded tension for him at home. When and if he decides that the situation is intolerable, he may well ask for your support -- and perhaps even help with caring for his daughter. Your priority now is to make sure that if it comes to that, you are someone he will still want to ask.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two months after my daughter got married, she and her husband were told that two weeks before their wedding, her husband’s brother eloped. Not wanting to take away from their day was, understandably, the reason for waiting to tell them. At the same time, they were also told that this couple was expecting.

Now they are having a celebration of their (nearly 11-month) marriage. Do we give a gift as if we are invited to a wedding, or a one-year-anniversary type gift?

GENTLE READER: How would you know the difference? Would the second be made of paper?

This couple has much to celebrate. Miss Manners commends their discretion (although it sounds like there might have been other reasons for it besides your daughter) and the fact that they are not exploiting three different events for presents -- merely combining them into one.

For that, Miss Manners is inclined to be generous. She recommends you give them something that would be useful for their many recent life changes. A bassinet that also makes coffee and cleans the house comes to mind.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)