DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a girl who has fallen head-over-heels in love with a man around twice her age. As might be expected, my enormous, religious, rather stuffy family finds him objectionable. I understand this sentiment and harbor no ill will towards them, but I have been living with him for two years and am considering marriage.

Without the support of my family, I am not in a position to afford a wedding, nor do I have enough people in my life without them for a proper wedding party and such. I am considering elopement, but I want to do it in the most gracious way possible, and maybe invite a few close friends. I don’t imagine my family would bring me joy on this day, and I don’t know if I want to invite them. Besides, I could not afford a wedding large enough to accommodate all of them. And I’m no longer religious, which may offend some.

What would your advice be on dealing with the inevitable hurt feelings that would arise from excluding my family from my wedding? Should I forego the elopement altogether, suck it up and have a wedding with my family?

And how ought I alert my extended family about the marriage if I elope? Is it even possible to politely state: “I am now married, you were only excluded for budgetary reasons, and I don’t want a gift from you; here is a nice picture of us”?

I’m still not even sure if I’m married to the idea of tying the knot. All the potential for hurt feelings seems like more trouble than it might be worth!

GENTLE READER: Wait a minute. Did you just reveal ambiguity about the marriage itself? Miss Manners is not your therapist, but she knows enough to say that the answer to that is: Then don’t. Not unless you are sure.

However, she is your etiquette adviser, and will address the question of how to elope tactfully.

Elopements are characterized by secrecy and defiance of restraints, and you have both elements. But they also suggest a passionate abandonment of expectations, whether it is by lovers desperate to be married, or by a wife equally desperate to exchange her husband for her lover.

You needn’t arrange a nocturnal flight via a ladder at your bedroom window (which would be weird, as it is apparently also your fiance’s bedroom). But what will help inspire sympathy is the charm of romantic recklessness.

What you have suggested instead would be merely a very small wedding, with friends, but no relatives. So yes, the relatives would be bound to feel the insult of being excluded on top of the injury of having their disapproval defied.

Instead, why don’t you run to City Hall or whatever, with only one or two close friends, if any? Afterwards, confess to your family that you and Clarence just couldn’t bear not to be married and couldn’t wait. Ardent love stories tend to soften hearts.

And save the celebration for later, when you can invite everyone and they have come to realize that objections are now futile.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When two acquaintances passed away, neither had a published obituary anywhere. Not on social media, not at any funeral home website, not in a newspaper, nor any information sent by mail. It made me sad that the story of their lives would go unmarked, but it also made it impossible to send flowers to any service or make a donation of their choosing.

Has this become too expensive? Or are obituaries just an old-fashioned custom?

GENTLE READER: Death rituals are changing, but what Miss Manners mostly sees is the opposite of your experience: celebratory parties; collections of flowers, balloons and teddy bears; even the re-staging of a favorite activity of the deceased, such as a sporting event.

She sympathized back when it was felt that the standard clergy-directed tradition was not personal enough. Speakers were added who could speak about the person’s life, with varying success. Some are skillful in evoking examples of important qualities and charming foibles. Others prefer to talk about how much their late friend admired them.

But all this began to turn into entertainment, and now often evolves into celebrations where mourning is supposed to be banished in favor of appreciation. Light memories are part of grieving, but they are not sufficient, especially when the loss is fresh.

Miss Manners doesn’t wonder that the bereaved are confused, and may not be up to orchestrating such events. However, ritual is of great importance and comfort when dealing with overwhelming emotion. Without a focus point, there is no outlet to express grief or offer sympathy.

What is needed is a combination of the personal, where the individual’s contributions and qualities are recognized, and the traditional, in which the inevitable tragedy of death is acknowledged. There may be amusing moments, but the occasion must be recognized as serious and difficult.

What is unbearable is the thought that someone can leave life without a trace.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am an adult who is not on any social media. My theory is, if you love me, you’ll call me. I don’t feel the need to see what everyone is doing 24 hours a day.

With that being said, I have friends who feel they have to check their phones during dinner ”with the girls.”

I sat the other night with three grown women continually checking their phones, showing me pictures of people I don’t know or care about. I go to dinner with friends to be with them, not their phones.

Apparently it showed on my face, because one of the girls called me the next day to see if I was OK. I did not say anything; I know I should. I realize that they feel social media is important to keeping up with people, but there is a place and time.

GENTLE READER: One friend did call you when she saw that you were upset. Of course you should have told her -- instead of Miss Manners -- why. You should tell all of them.

It is not insulting to say, “Well, I really would like to be with you. Can we have a no-phones meal where we can talk without interruptions?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a gas station where there were two bathrooms, marked “Men” and “Women.” There was a single line of both men and women, presumably waiting for their gender-assigned bathroom.

While I waited, one father allowed his young daughter to use the men’s room. When the women’s bathroom opened up, I went to enter, as I was the next female in line. I was stopped by the man in line in front of me, stating that it was his turn. I pointed to the sign that said “Women,” but he ignored me and went in.

I did not make a scene and did not say anything, thinking it was perhaps an emergency on his end, but was I wrong to presume that it was my turn?

Do people nowadays ignore the gender signs on the door? Granted, I’m of an age where gender fluidity was not as prevalent as it is today. If they were gender-neutral bathrooms, why did the signs not state so?

What is the etiquette? The man made me feel like I was trying to butt in line, which I was not.

If this is the new social norm, please advise. I don’t want to be the elder lady who is not up on the times.

GENTLE READER: Regrettably, these gas station owners do not feel the same. Miss Manners has long believed that such single bathrooms should not be concerned with the private parts of their occupants, but rather with efficiency and ease of use for all.

Unfortunately, without signage to that effect, chaos is the result.

While the father’s reasoning was understandable, he broke the current social contract -- and the man in front of you took advantage of the precedent.

Not knowing that this was the new protocol, you can hardly be blamed for not following it. We can only hope that bathroom signage will continue to change to prevent more of this kind of needless confusion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his family just came to visit us. We spent our time between kids’ activities and time with my 93-year-old mother. The family was here for three days, then gone.

My cousin just found out that they were in town and that we didn’t call or visit my elderly aunt. I feel just awful that we didn’t think to make time for a visit with my aunt. How do I explain this without sounding cold and selfish?

GENTLE READER: Any excuse will sound unflattering. Probably the best you can do would be, “The family was rushing around and the three days got away from us. I am very sorry, because we all would have loved to see her. We will do a better job of planning next time they’re in town, I promise.” Miss Manners would further recommend that your son send a note and some recent family pictures, in case, for whatever reason, that day never actually materializes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)