DEAR MISS MANNERS: The mother of a church friend has taken to lifting me up off the ground every time she talks to me at church. I’m 24.

I let her once, because I thought it was going to be a friendly, one-time greeting. Unfortunately, that sent her the wrong message.

The mom, I’ll admit, is only being friendly, but she also calls me “little girl” and comments on how I need to eat more and how I have a little stomach. We talk about little else. Frankly, if this is how most of our future conversations are going to be, I would prefer we just cordially smile and walk on.

These comments and actions are frustrating to me because people often feel the need to comment on how short/small I am. Just when I think I’m beginning to not care what others think, she starts in. I guess I didn’t expect it from a church acquaintance. She is very outgoing and has a strong personality, and it seems she feels like she knows me well enough to speak this way. But to me, it’s tiring and annoying.

My friend no longer attends my church, so I don’t feel I can ask her to intervene with her mom for me.

I don’t want to offend her or hurt her feelings by explaining that I don’t like it when she lifts me up or makes these comments. I also don’t want to make a scene at church. I don’t know if I should attend another church, hide in the bathroom, fake an injury and refuse to stand up when I see her, or what. I feel that the longer this goes on, the more awkward it will be to confront her. I’m also afraid she will try to convince me that she’s just being friendly, so I shouldn’t mind these things.

In regard to the weight and size comments, should I respond with, “That’s genetics,” or just ignore her? I feel the need to defend myself and list off every unhealthy food item I’ve ever eaten. But should I just smile and nod?

It’s becoming unbearable to talk to her, and I’m at a loss of what to do. Is this a battle worth fighting, and if so, what should my strategies be?

GENTLE READER: That etiquette is named as the enabler in cases such as this -- and a lot worse ones -- is unjust. Politeness does not -- repeat, not -- require you or anyone else to allow another person to handle you against your wishes.

You can meet the personal comments with silence and a stony expression, but you cannot ignore the ridiculous assault.

Miss Manners accepts your belief that your friend’s mother does not intend you harm. Nevertheless, she is causing you harm. So you must tell her to stop. Not with subtle subterfuges, but in plain words.

You can begin mildly, by backing off and saying “Please don’t do that.” If more force is necessary, you can proceed to “No! Don’t do that!” possibly loud enough to attract attention. And you should explain the situation to your minister, requesting assistance as you do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a few friends who are incapable of having a face-to-face conversation without using their phones.

Meals with certain friends involve pulling up photos to show me the minute I sit down. If a certain subject is mentioned, they will Google the topic, hand the phone to me and expect me to read about whatever we were discussing on their phone. They take photographs of their food and text it to other people. They delight in receiving texts and calls the entire time.

I would rather take a novel to a restaurant than sit quietly while my companions are otherwise engaged on their phones for over half the time.

GENTLE READER: Then why don’t you? Not with those people, of course. If you want their attention, Miss Manners suggests that you choose another venue where they can communicate with you electronically.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am in my early 30s and recently engaged. One of my issues is that I dislike being the center of attention -- a fact that I have been working at more and more, as there are so many bride-centric activities.

I have struggled with anxiety that has been crippling at times (i.e., I had a period where I was unable to leave my house for two months). Through hard work, I have gotten past most hurdles, and my family has been very kind and supportive.

My family members are throwing me a shower, and have agreed (somewhat begrudgingly -- I suppose there is a limit to the support people can give) that it will not be a surprise, due to my anxiety. But I am struggling with the prospect of opening gifts at the shower, and the anxiety issues this could cause. I have a large family, and with both families and friends, this could be an event of close to 100 women.

I have been a guest at such events, and this part becomes tedious and boring (a sentiment cousins and aunts have shared with me as well). I would much rather be talking to family and friends then sitting in a chair opening gifts.

How can I graciously bow out of this tradition without offending my hostesses, who like to stick with tradition, and without having it seem like my anxiety is a card I am playing to get out of things?

GENTLE READER: How supportive is your family if it insists on giving you a shower you dread?

It is apparently not well known that a marriage can be perfectly valid -- and even happy and lasting -- without a round of parties, a diamond ring, a $5,000 dress and a catered dinner dance. It is time to explain that to your family, and to point out that to throw a party for someone who will be upset is hardly an honor.

If your family wants to feel included, which is understandable, they can arrange small, informal visits in ways that you specify you can handle.

If you are stuck with the party, the gift-opening ritual -- which even some of them admit is tedious -- can certainly be skipped. It only requires putting someone in charge of making sure the boxes are labeled (cards tend to slip off) so you can write thanking the givers later.

But as your relatives apparently love surprises, why don’t you surprise them? Elope.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have several friends who come to my house repeatedly for visits of two to four days, and are very picky about what they like and don’t like, food-wise.

One only likes Greek yogurt for breakfast, and another can’t stand Greek yogurt (they are both at my house for the same visit). One complains every time we go out that there is something wrong with the food, or there is something she doesn’t like: She has complained about the smell of the restaurant when walking in, the attitude of the waitress, and on and on.

I know having both kinds of yogurt available is easy, but I am exhausted by these friends and all their pickiness.

GENTLE READER: “I never seem to be able to please you all when it comes to meals, either at my house or going to restaurants. I wonder if you could confer before our next visit and work out what sort of food would appeal to all.”

Miss Manners warns that dinner might then be the entrails from the bloody battle that ensues, but at least you will have extracted yourself from the problem -- and cannot be blamed for its seemingly impossible solution.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few years ago, my husband’s brother died suddenly. He had a developmental disability and lived his entire life with my husband’s parents.

At the time of his death, my husband and I were traveling with our two young children, who were 1 and 4. We decided my husband would go to the funeral, which was also out of town, while I returned home with our children.

At the time, I was very supportive of my husband in handling his grief. However, I may not have given the same level of support to my in-laws. They do not remember my calling to express my condolences.

The time was so hectic and sad that I honestly cannot say with certainty if I did or did not call, although it would be out of the ordinary for me not to. And my family (parents, sister and I) all sent a floral arrangement to the funeral. My attention, though, was solely directed at my very sad husband and our young children. The family is apparently quite upset with me at this perceived slight.

I just have to know: If I did not call, was this a major faux pas? If so, how major? Any chance I can repair it? How would you recommend I do so? This continues to follow me years later.

GENTLE READER: Oh dear. That’s a large build-up of resentment.

Miss Manners’ least favorite excuse, however good the intention may have been, is being too busy or distracted to acknowledge a major family event or tragedy. A call would have been easy. A letter would have been better.

It is not too late to write one now. Apologize profusely, speaking affectionately and specifically about their son and avoiding the temptation to make excuses --especially the one that states that you thought the task had already been done.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)