DEAR MISS MANNERS: Whenever a birthday or holiday nears, my mother’s relatives will often call my mother to ask what to buy for my son, who is currently 6 years old. I have learned that when they do this, my mother will apparently come up with a specific list of gifts that she wants my son to have, and will tell each relative which gift they are required to purchase.

I am not sure how strongly she words this in her conversations, but I have at least determined that most relatives have bought what she told them to and have indicated that they felt obligated to do so.

One year, a relative came to me rather distraught and told me, apologetically, that she was not able to find the item my mother had told her to buy. She said she hoped it was all right that she had purchased something else.

I do not know why my mother has done this, but it in no way comes from me, and I think it is quite rude. How would Miss Manners suggest that I handle this situation in the future? I’d like to proactively address it before any more birthdays or holidays roll around.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, you will have to take this up with your mother -- which is a shame, because your other relatives seem to be excellent at taking direction. And Miss Manners is hazarding a guess that your mother is not.

“It is so kind of you to suggest presents for Billingsford, but I am a bit embarrassed that our relatives seem to think these things are required. We love everything that you get him, but perhaps we can confine those special things to the immediate family and leave the other relatives to their own devices. I wouldn’t want to wear them down with demands.”

When she persists in doing this, you might tell the relatives to regard her choices only as general suggestions -- or to stop asking her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a very good longtime friend has “ghosted” you for several years, is it appropriate to attend her funeral?

She hasn’t been returning my emails or phone calls for a long time. I haven’t done anything to cause this, to my knowledge, but she obviously no longer likes me. When meeting in public, she is courteous, but not really friendly.

Now I’ve learned that she’s terminally ill, and I’m in a dilemma as to whether I should attend her funeral. I don’t want people to say, “What’s she doing here?” but, after all, we were best friends for 10 years, so it seems respectful to attend.

GENTLE READER: “Ghosting” is probably not the best choice of words under the circumstances.

Rather than morbidly contemplate whether or not your presence would be expected after she dies, would it not be a better idea to try, at least, to ask your friend directly, while she is still living, why the friendship has deteriorated?

It seems to Miss Manners that time is of the essence here. Once your friend is dead, it is unlikely that she will care one way or the other, although you might regret not saying a proper goodbye while you still had the chance.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I hand my phone to someone to show them a specific picture or message, I find it rude and inappropriate when they start scrolling through my phone to look at other items.

Am I off-base on this? How can I politely voice my objection, or otherwise nip this in the bud?

GENTLE READER: Assuming that you are not yourself being rude (by playing hilarious videos for fellow guests at someone else’s party), your options are limited.

You may suggest a second photo or message for viewing that requires you to repossess the telephone. But while this provides temporary relief, you may have to repeat it until your friend gives up in disgust.

You may laugh self-deprecatingly and say, “Oh, please don’t look at those, they’re so embarrassing.” This will definitely pique everyone’s interest, and it may or may not get your telephone back.

Or you may invent an emergency that requires your immediate attention in a different room: what Miss Manners calls the “I hear my mother calling” gambit.

The only sure solution is the obvious one: keeping the conversation to subjects that do not require visual supplements.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The rules of plus-ones are so tricky that I need some outside help.

My boyfriend of a year and a half was invited to his best friend’s wedding. This is his childhood best friend, and while they’re still close, they live about an hour from each other and don’t see each other every day anymore. I’ve met this couple about three times, once right after we began dating.

The groom emailed my boyfriend to inform him that I would not be invited. Additionally, he did so a bit bluntly (“She is NOT invited to our wedding”), and I have mixed feelings. I understand that there are new rules with plus-ones, but I feel a bit weird since I have hung out with these people a few times. I’ve also felt like they go out of their way to avoid me, although I can’t say that for sure.

This wedding is a weeklong event, and guests are expected to pay their own way entirely.

Is it wrong of me to feel that it was a little rude that I wasn’t invited? Should my boyfriend still bring them an expensive gift? Should I be upset that he wants to go for the entire week instead of just for the wedding?

GENTLE READER: As you are still a girlfriend -- rather than a fiancee or wife -- there is no obligation on your boyfriend’s friends to include you in all invitations.

Which is not to say that no one slipped up. Not being invited is unlikely to leave you with warm feelings about the host -- something he might have taken into consideration. And even if you never learned of the email, he still ran the risk of your boyfriend being offended on your behalf.

As your status may not always be that of just the girlfriend, it is best not to dwell on the offense. The subtlety of choosing a cheaper gift is lost on Miss Manners, who values presents by the sentiment behind them, not the trade-in value.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Where, exactly, do you suggest one go to change a diaper on an airplane?

The aisle is pretty much the only place. There aren’t changing tables in the bathrooms -- there is barely room for one person, much less room to change a diaper.

Leaving a child in a wet diaper can lead to infections and skin problems. Leaving a child in a dirty diaper will surely extend the unpleasantness for everyone on the plane.

All passengers need to do their best to be polite. Anyone who wants peace and quiet should either fly in a private plane or get noise-canceling headphones.

GENTLE READER: We at least agree that everyone on a plane must endeavor to be polite.

Navies learned long ago that being in close quarters with the same people for extended periods of time required more, not less, etiquette to keep everyone from coming to blows. This was recognized before the invention of submarines or airplanes, when an occasional walk outside to clear one’s thoughts was still possible.

But you already knew that Miss Manners was unlikely to recommend changing one’s baby on the lap of the person next to you, no matter how convenient. Airplane bathrooms now do have fold-down tables for changing, which, like everything else in airplanes these days, is carefully measured to be challenging, but not impossible. We can agree that a tiny bit more space would result in a great deal less discomfort, but whether that happens or not, please still change the baby in the bathroom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have decided that it is in our best interests to totally abstain from drinking alcohol. As a result, we do not purchase alcohol to have in our home. We do not object, however, or find it uncomfortable, to have guests who wish to have a cocktail or wine with dinner.

Is it rude to ask people to bring their own bottle of wine or favorite alcoholic beverage when they come to our house for dinner? In some ways, it seems ungracious for us not to have such beverages on hand, but a lot of our guests are so used to having a dinner cocktail that I think their dining pleasure is greatly reduced when this is not available.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette often sets alcohol apart from other food and drink -- not just because of its side effects, but because of its significance in culture, history and religion.

But not always. You make clear that your objection to alcohol extends only to yourself and your husband; not only have you expressed no adverse opinion about others’ use of it, you are willing for them to imbibe it in your home.

For that reason, your question could instead be about broccoli -- in which case the answer would not have required Miss Manners’ intervention, so apparent would it be. As the host, you are free to set the menu, and you can include or exclude alcohol. But if you want it to be available to your guests, then it is up to you to procure it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)