DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to an out-of-town wedding for a close friend’s daughter. I texted my friend to let her know that my husband and I would fly out and stay at a hotel for the weekend so that we could share in the celebration. She expressed surprise, but happiness that we were coming.
However, the next day, when I spoke to her on the phone, she mentioned that she had asked her daughter to send me a “token” invitation so I would feel included. She had reassured her daughter that we would not come to the wedding.
I felt put-off by this exchange, and wondered if my husband and I should change our RSVP. I don’t want to add two guests to the affair if it was only meant to be a token invite. Your thoughts?
GENTLE READER: That these are token friends.
Miss Manners is aware that people often inflate their invitation lists while calculating that a smaller number will accept. But this is a gamble, for which they must accept the consequences.
What you have been told instead, and in insultingly plain terms, is not only that they didn’t want you at the wedding, but that they thought you would be grateful just to be invited. Of course you should not attend.