DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband’s sister and her husband often ask us to watch their children. We love their children and do so willingly. We also see them as a group at least twice a month.

I’ve noticed that they will often flip out when they’re worried about their kids, and this is sometimes directed at us. For example, when closing a drawer, I had not realized that one of the children (age 5) had her fingers near it (not in it). Her mother screamed, “Watch your fingers!” and I immediately stopped closing the drawer.

It wasn’t the child’s fault, because she wanted to help with baking and was waiting in the kitchen for that, but I also meant absolutely no harm. The mother did not acknowledge me or say, “Wow, that was close,” but walked away after giving me a look.

Another example is when my husband was playing a game with his 4-year-old nephew when they had to slap cards. The game was introduced by the child’s parents. The child slapped a card using the back of his wrist, and his father yelled, “Stop, that’s how you break a finger!” towards my husband. He then took the cards away and said it wasn’t safe.

I do respect that these are their children, but it has started to feel like we’re walking on eggshells. I have nieces and nephews on the other side of my family and get along very well with them. I often watch them overnight and no harm has come to them.

How do I respond when these situations occur?

GENTLE READER: Beware of your argument. Pleading that you did not mean to slap a hand or crush a finger does not offer much comfort to hurt children or overprotective parents.

Forgive Miss Manners. She has been the inadvertent victim of one too many strangers who have accidentally stepped on her toes or elbowed her ribs, only to hear by way of apology, “What?! I didn’t see you there!”

A genuine apology is required for any action that causes pain, no matter how benign or unwitting the intent.

But blaming someone -- or holding a grudge -- for an accident that almost happened is a bit much. If you want to continue watching these nieces and nephews, Miss Manners recommends that you get a layout of what is expected, clearly and in front of both the parents and the children. “Just so that we are all aware, the kicking and punching game that Daddy taught you is NOT allowed when he is not here. Are those the rules?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to blow your nose in public when you have an allergy?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to what? Having a bug in it?

As long as all refuse is kept to oneself and no undue or startling noises accompany it, blowing one’s nose when needed -- including in public -- is acceptable. In the event that those criteria are not met, Miss Manners feels certain that the assurance that you are not contagious will be of little comfort.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am unusually bad with remembering names and faces. I make an effort to remember people that I will see again, but there are a lot of people I meet in passing who are beyond my capacity. This is especially awkward at times, because I appear to be easily remembered by other people.

Usually I can fake things well enough, and use context clues to make small talk until it is time to mingle with someone new. (And may I take a moment to sincerely thank those people who work a reintroduction into their greetings?) But what do I do when someone corners me on my memory, and is offended by the results?

At a wedding shower, I was approached by someone who asked whether I recognized her. I tried self-deprecating humor about my memory, but she doubled down on the question, and was clearly hurt when I had to admit I still didn’t recognize her.

Miss Manners, if what she said is accurate, we’ve met at most half a dozen times during my childhood, none more recently than 15 years ago. She was an adult, and her relationship was with my aunt, not with me.

On that basis, I can’t think why either of us should be expected to remember the other -- but saying so, while honest, didn’t seem kind. I tried for a joke about how we would have to meet more often, but it clearly didn’t help.

My family is at a point where I can expect these kinds of social events more often -- likely even with this same woman -- and I would like to be prepared. What is the polite response when you don’t recognize someone, and they know it?

GENTLE READER: Adults sometimes flatter themselves that the impression they leave on the impressionable is greater than it is. And while it is hurtful to be forgotten, that is a reason not to challenge others’ memories.

Miss Manners applauds you for both apologizing, and for your self-deprecation, although it is quite understandable that you failed this rude test. You will no doubt recognize this particular woman when you see her again, and can offer her a touch more attention -- or remember her well enough to stay away from her.

Generally, you should make a habit of telling people your name preemptively, so that they can reply that of course they know you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At our condo’s recent annual meeting at a nearby clubhouse, one of the members ordered dinner for her daughter and herself. They ate while the other 25 or so members took care of business.

She explained that she and her daughter did not have time to eat beforehand because they were at a spa all day. I did not think much of her etiquette. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: Not herself a fan of conducting business with one’s mouth full at all, Miss Manners agrees that two people eating while everyone else abstains is even more disagreeable. This is easily solved by removing the temptation: Clubhouses can provide rooms without immediate access to food, and the club staff can be asked to tell the hungry that there is food available downstairs.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to save seats at shows or performances?

When attending our children’s school performances, we sometimes have family members who arrive at different times. If we arrive first, we often save a seat for an aunt or grandmother who arrives after we do.

This is common practice at most events I’ve been to that don’t have assigned seating, and everyone seems very cordial about it. Is the etiquette on this matter different when attending a movie?

GENTLE READER: Open seating, whatever the event, works on the premise of “first come, first served.” But as etiquette is too gracious to be taken literally, it overlooks the distinction between actual and imminent presence.

Miss Manners has no objection to anyone placing a coat on the adjacent seat while a spouse goes in search of popcorn; she (not to mention other ticket buyers) is less tolerant of large swaths of territory being staked out for acquaintances who are still at home, looking for the car keys.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: An acquaintance’s husband phoned and asked to borrow a large, expensive tool. I had mentioned previously to her that they could borrow it, so this was not completely a surprise. But it was a little surprising that it was he who made the call, when we have met only briefly, and that they wanted to borrow it immediately.

However, I said yes, and then hurriedly made a few rooms presentable, because we had been enjoying a weekend lie-in. Some spaces were definitely not presentable, and my acquaintance is extremely image-conscious.

They arrived, and the husband loaded it into their vehicle while she looked around the property, checking out a great deal of the house. It was her first-ever visit, so I understand her having a little curiosity. When she started to go into spaces I had not tidied, I asked her, “Please don’t go in there.”

She did anyway, and had a good look around. I did not apologize for the state of things, nor offer excuses, but I was embarrassed and also extremely annoyed. I don’t know what more I could have done to deter her without being rude.

GENTLE READER: Step 1. While your acquaintance is investigating one room, physically place yourself between her and the next location you consider off-limits. This may be the next room or the bottom of the stairs. Since you have the home-court advantage, Miss Manners leaves the specifics to you.

Step 2. Offer tea, coffee, or anything else that will move your nosy acquaintance to a more neutral location -- while still allowing you to block her advance. If she refuses refreshments, ask her to join you in the front room (on the excuse of pleasant conversation).

If all else fails, begin whatever pleasant conversation you can muster without moving. No accusation of rudeness can be leveled against a hostess for where she stands while performing her hostly duties, unless it be in front of the bathroom or the exit.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)