DEAR MISS MANNERS: At events I'm often coerced into having my picture taken with others. Inevitably those next to me reach out to hug me for the photo, I'm sure expecting me to hug them in return.

I don't want to hug or be hugged, but this has somehow become the norm for photos, as if we're all some bonded tribe that must show our brotherhood for the camera. And if I'm wearing a suit, the jacket is raised up and makes for a terrible shot.

My theory is that the practice is an outgrowth of the festive "party pics" of the '80s where the subject was keen to show how much fun she/he was having and how much love was shared. I know; I was once one of them.

Regardless, I would like to stand and have my picture taken if I must, without being hugged by the stranger next to me. May I say, "Thanks but no hugging, please?"

GENTLE READER: Or worse. Some public figures have gotten themselves in trouble by thinking that picture-taking is an excuse to get to know their subjects better.

Photographers should take the lead here and learn to distinguish between getting people closer for a better shot and forcing people to touch. If this is not established beforehand or the subjects do not pay attention, Miss Manners advocates for the well-timed yelp of surprise. This alerts everyone that there is a problem and allows for an opportunity to announce the aforementioned no hugging policy to all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The other day, I apologized for being in someone's way at the grocery store. He smiled and said that he, himself, had been hung over before.

I think I smiled wanly and avoided eye contact when I had to navigate past him on the same shopping trip. It was an off-putting encounter -- should I have done anything else?

GENTLE READER: Responded to the accusation with, "Have you? What's it like?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I call my brother once or twice a month, he can never talk to me without interrupting to scold, correct or coach his child (age 10) -- not once, but multiple times in a 10-minute call.

When I ask for a better time to call, brother will offer no guidance. I think it is disrespectful to me as a caller and to his child as the supposed benefactor of his interventions.

My brother likes to say, "Welcome to my life," "I'm multitasking" or some other blow-off if I ask for a little concentration to our call at hand. The alternative seems to be not to call. He would probably not notice if I stopped calling him.

GENTLE READER: Next time you call, ask to speak to your nephew directly and see if the boy manages any better. You will likely get a more entertaining account of the family's goings-on and a less interrupted call.

If this backfires, however, and you find yourself at the end of an abandoned phone, Miss Manners recommends letter-writing. What it lacks in immediacy, it gains in maintaining train of thought.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at the age that a great many people choose to retire. Due to a series of financial setbacks and, sadly, my own lack of fiscal responsibility, I am not in a position where I may retire now or in the near future. I blame no one but myself and am trying to right the ship, even at a late date.

This issue is understandably something I do not wish to share with people. How do I best respond when family and friends make inquiries and statements as to “Aren’t you thinking of retirement”? I think about it all the time; it is just not something that I am able to do now.

GENTLE READER: What you are seeking is a change of subject. How hard you will have to work to get one will depend on how intent your questioner is on getting an answer.

A casual remark can be answered with a breezy, “Sometimes I do.” A follow-up can be parried with, “Right now, I’m enjoying my life as it is.” (This should be accompanied by a frown that, while it may contradict your statement, should also discourage further probing.)

As a last resort, you will need to give a firm, “I’m not ready to yet.” The initial parries should be followed by changes of subject, but the last response will require a moment of silence to let your seriousness sink in. Miss Manners strongly urges you not to mount a full counterattack in the form of a challenging, “Why? Do I look old enough to retire?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For my brother’s or sister-in-law’s birthday, I’ve been sending a birthday card with a $50 bill -- my way of telling them, “Treat yourself to something that you like.”

They have reciprocated by giving me for my birthday something that cost them no more than $20. I am not looking for a tit-for-tat here. But lately, when they called me to thank me for the gift, I sensed that they seem to be bothered because I have burdened them with something that maybe they consider a nuisance. My suspicion was reinforced when they only sent me a birthday card and nothing else.

I am not sure about what to do. It seems awkward not sending them the usual $50 as I have been doing, but if that’s what they indeed want, because they don’t want to be bothered with having to reciprocate, I don’t want to put them in an embarrassing situation.

GENTLE READER: The cash is incidental to the problem, which is that your siblings do not wish to continue to give gifts into adulthood, while you might. It will certainly be easier if, as sounds likely, you do not care.

In that case, the solution is simple: a conversation, in which Miss Manners asks you to avoid criticism, either direct or implied. “I’ve been thinking about it, and I realize that now that we’re older, maybe we should call a halt to gifting among the adults. I love hearing from you on my birthday, and that’s gift enough. I suspect that’s what you were thinking anyway, but wanted to discuss it with you.”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law has adopted an alternative lifestyle that embraces a range of unsubstantiated psychological, medical and scientific myths as proven fact. She makes it clear her beliefs and knowledge are vastly superior to the rest of us and often uses our dinner table as an opportunity to educate us in a rather condescending manner on a variety of subjects.

Once she begins, she will dominate the conversation throughout the meal, essentially turning it into a lecture. We all take offense, but especially my daughter, who has a Ph.D., is currently conducting advanced research on viruses at a leading Ivy League university. She has left the table rather than start a fight -- but that ruins the family gathering for the rest of us.

My daughter and her aunt typically see each other but once or twice per year. The preaching leaves little time for the rest of us to have family chitchats. What would be a polite way to address the problem with my sister-in-law? Subtle diversions in conversation do not seem to get the message across.

GENTLE READER: Your sister-in-law is engaged in two objectionable activities at once, neither subtle. Miss Manners notes this not to express admiration for her efficiency, but because it will be easier to tackle them separately.

The first is spouting nonsense; the second, monopolizing dinner-table conversation. The former will be difficult -- perhaps impossible -- to fix. But as you see her infrequently, fixing the latter may be enough.

The solution is an explicit rule that such topics are off-limits at family gatherings because of a fundamental and implacable difference of opinion. Explain to your sister-in-law (or your brother) that the alternative will lead to such ill will that family dinners will no longer be possible.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a lovely wedding -- where no one seated more than a few rows back could hear any part of the service, because either the microphones were malfunctioning or they were not being used properly.

If this had happened at a business meeting or a more casual event, someone would surely have called out “Louder!” or “Can’t hear!” but obviously this would not be appropriate at a more formal occasion.

No one “in charge” -- meaning the couple’s immediate family, the officiant, photographer, wedding party members --seemed to be aware that the rest of us couldn’t hear what was going on.

GENTLE READER: Yelling at a speaker is not proper etiquette in any setting, though it is, as you observe, a common occurrence.

For business meetings or casual gatherings, Miss Manners counsels members of the audience to raise their hands as if in class. You may then call out your request for increased volume -- without waiting for the technicality of being recognized by the speaker.

More active measures are necessary when you cannot interrupt the proceedings: Get up and find someone to whom the need can be conveyed, in this case a member of the family, the wedding party or the church staff -- preferably one not actively engaged in the ceremony.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)