DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband was a lawyer and is now retired. Several times a year, people ask him to talk to their children who are considering applying to law school.

Miss Manners, my husband hated every minute of his law career and doesn’t mind describing why. (The several years when a credible source threatened to burn down our house -- they had burned down others! -- was probably the worst.)

My concern is that there are perfectly bright, perfectly capable young people who would make perfectly good lawyers but, because they ran across my husband, went into some other field that they ended up hating even more than they would have hated law. Should I try to get him to moderate his position? If so, how?

GENTLE READER: Why do you think it necessary to protect possible future lawyers from hearing about difficulties that may be associated with the profession? Those who ask your husband probably ask others, and the wider the view they get, the better.

Besides, Miss Manners recalls asking an excellent drama teacher why she was advising her most talented student not to seek a career as an actress. “Because if that discourages her, she doesn’t belong in the theater,” was the reply.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Over the past few years, I have noticed that two of my dear friends never check their mail. Their mailboxes are often so full that mail gets returned to sender as “unclaimed.” I receive back over half the mail I send them.

In the past, I have re-sent formal thank-you notes, but these have been returned often enough that I am irritated and don’t want to waste another envelope and stamp on the hope that they will have managed to check their mail.

Is there any sort of two-strikes-and-you’re-out rule regarding thank-you cards? Should I just send them e-cards instead? Or try to deliver in person?

I feel like I shouldn’t have to bear the onus of their failure to check their own mailboxes, but if that is the most polite course of action, I can grin and bear it a few times a year.

GENTLE READER: As you are diligent enough to write letters of thanks -- you may be shocked to hear that not everyone does -- it does seem unfair that you should also be responsible for retrieving them as well.

But it has become a factor of modern life that not everyone uses the standard forms of communication. Some do not answer their telephones. Some rarely check their email. Some do not text. And your friends do not empty their mailboxes.

Miss Manners does understand that all of these venues may be so choked with junk that people have come to ignore them. Still, it is a nuisance.

As you have only two such friends, you should just ask what is the best way to reach them. But soon we will all have to keep records of who actually checks what.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I share a small home with two family members, and I am struggling with the question of where I may go to compose texts or emails without a) being rude, or b) being disturbed. I know the answer is not “the dinner table.”

However, may one compose texts or emails on the family couch, and if so, should others refrain from attempting to engage the person composing texts or emails in conversation?

I know of one family in which adults hide in one of the bathrooms if they wish to compose emails. However, we have only one bathroom, and it would be inconsiderate to use it this way. Further, it doesn’t seem that it should be necessary.

If each of us had a personal office (or even if we had one shared office), that would be an ideal solution, but again, our home is small.

GENTLE READER: And that is why there are so many coffee shops, where patrons sometimes respect the need of others to pay attention to their laptops.

Not being in a position to run around your house searching for a quiet nook where you will not disturb others or be disturbed by them, Miss Manners can only make guesses. Your bedroom, but not during sleeping hours if it is shared? The kitchen, when mealtime is not approaching? For that matter, why not the dining room when it is not being used for dining?

But what is she doing in your house? You have two people right there who know the layout and have something to say about what constitutes disturbances. All people who share living space, whether as roommates, relatives or boarders, have to negotiate its use with one another without generalized rules from the outside.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My niece got married a couple of years ago for the second time. Her husband-to-be had never been married. They chose to have a casual wedding, but they invited at least 100 guests, primarily their friends on both sides of the family and a few chosen family members.

Prior to the wedding, I sent a wrapped gift from their wedding registry and a large bottle of wine per the invitation as a contribution to the bar. I included a card with the gift attached to the package.

We felt completely ignored at the wedding and were never introduced to the new husband. No effort was made by the bride and her new husband to walk around speaking to guests. In addition, I never received a thank-you either verbally or in writing from my niece and her new husband.

I’ve been steamed over this ever since. I’ve remained silent now for years. What do you suggest someone should do, if anything, when this sort of thing happens, other than grin and bear it?

GENTLE READER: When Miss Manners hears the word “casual,” she shudders. It no longer means “informal,” which is a legitimate style. Rather, it has come to mean “not bothering to perform even the most common courtesies.”

But your experience was two years ago. By now you should have put in practice the only sensible response, which is to decline any invitations to their birthday parties, re-enactment ceremonies, baby showers, or whatever else they may have devised for assembling people they will then ignore.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you write a five-star review about an awful experience?

GENTLE READER: Why would you want to? Or are you hoping that the review will be so brilliant that it will be considered five-star, even if the restaurant itself is terrible?

Miss Manners is certain that even in this current world, where everything is liked and rated, the critics themselves are generally not -- at least not until the rowdy and unsavory comment section.

To avoid becoming a victim of that, she advocates fairness. Candor is allowed; meanness is not. "Hygiene does not seem to be a priority at Cafe Bon Chance," for example, is preferable to, "Our waiter doesn't seem to have bathed since the Carter administration."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it reasonable to ask visiting children to help mine clean up the toys that were taken out during a play date (especially when it's a big mess)?

Our normal rule with our children is that toys must be put away before taking out others. I would like either to ask that child guests observe this or to ask them to help clean up toys before they leave. Play dates are valuable, but is the price for them cleaning up an overwhelming mess ourselves?

Is this reasonable, or do we need to make a better effort of making numerous toys unavailable prior to play dates? This would be rather difficult given all the toys are stored adjacent to the living room, with no door to close off the toy area.

GENTLE READER: Guests are generally expected to clean up after themselves. But if yours are small and need to be coerced into doing so -- to the best of their abilities -- Miss Manners will allow encouragement.

Leave 15 minutes before the end of the play date to announce, "OK, everyone, time to clean up! How many toys can you put away in 30 seconds? Woolworth, you are in charge of making sure that everything goes in the right place. Ready? Go!"

Expectations can be low here, but telling Woolworth that he is responsible for any extra cleanup when his guests are gone might encourage him to help with the coercion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We live in the country, near a large metropolitan area. Friends and relatives will often visit, usually unannounced. 

We tend to keep our furnace at 60 degrees. When they show up, I turn up the furnace. It is not really anyone's business that we do this for health, financial and environmental reasons. 

How do I deal with all of the people who want to tell me how my house temperature risks illness, or is "weird"? I welcome everyone who takes the trouble to come to my door, but I don't really want to hear lectures about how we live. I am naturally welcoming, but I am tired of guests trying to rearrange my life.

GENTLE READER: Unannounced guests are not, Miss Manners assures you, in a position to be dictating the circumstances they find when they show up. You might politely point this out. "Thank you for coming. Next time, if you give us notice, we will be sure to have the house already at the temperature you prefer, but I am afraid that this is the way we like it when you are not here."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)