DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm throwing a combined birthday party for my sons, whose birthdays are three days apart. We are planning to invite family with children both boys' ages, as well as my older son's preschool classmates.

I mentioned to my mom that the invitation would say it was a party for both boys. ("Come to celebrate birthday fun galore! Liam is turning 2, and Logan is turning 4!")

To my surprise, she said the invitations to the preschool classmates should only have my 4-year-old's name on them, lest his friends' parents feel obligated to bring a gift for my 2-year-old as well. I think the invitation should say that the party is for both boys, and the parents can decide if they'd like to bring a gift for one, both or neither. (Gifts are certainly not obligatory.) What says Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: Your mother is right that something must be done, but not exactly what she thinks. Not telling some parents about your younger son will only result in embarrassment when they arrive with one gift.

Include a note to your 4-year-old's friends' parents, explaining that there will be other children there to celebrate his brother's birthday, as the birthdays are so close in date. This follows Miss Manners' dictate against mentioning presents in the invitation, but warns the parents what is coming. Should anyone ask, you may then clarify that they really are being invited to the party for Logan OR Liam. Parents of 4-year-olds should have had recent practice at adding two plus two.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I attended a wedding reception where there was open seating at tables of eight. The group that we normally sit with at other outings were all invited.

When it was time to sit, we were told that the extra chairs were being held for somebody else that we knew but don't always see on a regular basis. One of the ladies said we should sit behind them at another table.

I am a little hurt over this. We spend a great deal of time with these couples, so how should I respond to them in the future?

GENTLE READER: It is with some trepidation that Miss Manners reaches for the next letter from a Gentle Reader, as she anticipates it will be from a wedding guest who feels slighted by being excluded at such events by groups of old friends who prefer to travel in packs.

There is no objection to the eight of you sitting together at an open table if you so desire, but mingling with other guests on occasion does not seem to her to be a casus belli. When it does happen, the proper response is not to sit behind your six friends -- while presumably then ignoring the guests at your own table -- but to have a good time with the new people you meet. This will be both more fun and, if it turns out you were being intentionally slighted, a more effective response.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have found myself in an odd position concerning text messages.

I am a member of an online dating site. So far, it hasn't gone well. A few days ago, a gentleman contacted me, and we chatted through the website. He asked me on a date, and I accepted, and suggested we exchange phone numbers, which we did.

We began a long (too long for my taste) string of text exchanges, discussing our lives, work and entertainment. These are things I wanted to save for discussion during a face-to-face meeting. However, I understood his assertion of wanting to understand "what makes me tick," as he put it. I finally told him, "I will have to say goodnight" after several hours. We kept the date; we seem to have much in common and I was looking forward to meeting.

The next evening, he texted me again, asking me what I was doing. I was painting my nails, so I responded, "I'm painting my nails." He replied that he loved nice fingernails. I told him I was surprised men cared. He then went on to describe how much men do like nails, and he began a series of messages that described erotic uses for said nails.

I was flummoxed. I haven't met the gentleman, much less want to engage in sexual banter with him. Not knowing how to respond, I texted: "Well, that's weird." He immediately responded "Sorry!" and ceased all communication.

I've obviously caused him embarrassment, but my reaction was honest: I found his text to be presumptuous and grossly premature. It put me in the position of fumbling for words that would save face for him, yet communicate my distaste. The first word I thought of (and then typed) was "weird." As in: I think it is weird to "sext" someone you've never met in person. I thought my reaction paved the way for him to drop the subject. Apparently not.

Am I a prude? Which party should resolve the situation? What is the proper response to overly sexual communications from a stranger? I should add that I'm 58, and he is older as well. My generation certainly isn't known for its lack of inhibition, but I find myself not knowing how to proceed, either with the gentleman in question or future would-be suitors.

While I find the world of electronic communication efficient, it is presenting new challenges to the rules of etiquette.

GENTLE READER: Not in this case. Miss Manners would think it alarmingly clear that one should cut off communication with someone whose idea of getting to know a stranger is to sext her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If soup is the only liquid, can one propose a toast with it?

GENTLE READER: No good will come of clicking soup bowls.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Who in the family is the appropriate person to host a baby shower?

GENTLE READER: No one. This is the prerogative of friends.

Miss Manners wishes you would spread this around, as it seems to have been thoroughly forgotten.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a celebration and everyone was having a happy time ... lots of smiles and good humor. I was in a lively conversation with another guest, and we were laughing over some quip or observation when she suddenly asked, with no warning, "How old are you?"

It was so unexpected that I think I probably just gave her a startled look and gasped, "What?" (or perhaps even "Huh?"). So the lady explained with a generous smile, "You seem so YOUNG."

Ouch! What a left-handed compliment! What she was actually implying was, "You look so OLD!"

What would be the best response to this exchange? I was too stunned to come up with an appropriate response. When I'm having fun, I assume that I look like "everyone else" at the gathering.

Should I have smiled wanly and said, "Thank you"? Or, a better idea, should I have returned the compliment by telling her, "And you seem so young too!"

In my own case, I do have an ideal response: "I was born on a date that will live in infamy," and leave it to the questioner to figure it out. I just want to be prepared if/when this happens again.

What would Miss Manners suggest? This would never happen to you, but it did to me, and it left me feeling disheartened.

GENTLE READER: It could easily happen to Miss Manners, as many people casually break the rule against asking the age of anyone past childhood. But there is no chance that it would make her feel disheartened. She knows her age and is neither flattered nor insulted to have people recognize or mistake it.

You are a victim of the silly, harmful and futile modern convention that it is embarrassing to grow old. Although your interlocutor violated the rule that age should not therefore be mentioned, her retreat shows that she was aware of it. That is why she reverted to the fiction of clumsily claiming that she was referring to your youthfulness.

Mind you, you need not tell your age. Your answer is acceptable, but you could also reply that you do not tell. (The standard coy reply is Oscar Wilde's "A woman who would tell one that would tell one anything.") Miss Manners is urging you only to not allow such remarks to upset you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: All my friends were invited to a party but me. How do I respond to the host or if my friends should ask why I wasn't there?

GENTLE READER: Because she spends a ridiculous amount of her time urging people to answer invitations, Miss Manners is delighted to tell you that you do not need to respond to a host who did not invite you.

If a host asks, it means that there was the intention to invite you, and something went wrong, presumably in the delivery. Your response should be the same as to anyone else inquiring: "I wasn't asked," said cheerfully enough to show that there are no hard feelings.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)