DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was a guest in some friends' home, my bathroom had a cat box in it, which smelled bad, and the cat frequently knocked litter all over the floor.
I asked where a broom was. My friend swept it up with one and pointed to where it was stored, never moving the box or apologizing.
She knew that I had a longtime milk allergy and tried to plan accordingly. However, the husband, who fancies himself a chef, kept trying to offer me dishes I couldn't eat and was upset when I declined.
I brought a proper gift, bought them a dinner and thought I behaved correctly, but I didn't think the visit went well.
GENTLE READER: Did you suppose that your friends hated the scented candle you brought them so much that they were quietly trying to kill you with cat smells and milk?
Miss Manners concedes that it was not nice for the kitty litter cleaning to be left to you and for the husband to push food on you, but recommends that you call this behavior what it is: mindless thoughtlessness. You might find other accommodations next time you are in their city.