DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was a guest in some friends' home, my bathroom had a cat box in it, which smelled bad, and the cat frequently knocked litter all over the floor.

I asked where a broom was. My friend swept it up with one and pointed to where it was stored, never moving the box or apologizing.

She knew that I had a longtime milk allergy and tried to plan accordingly. However, the husband, who fancies himself a chef, kept trying to offer me dishes I couldn't eat and was upset when I declined.

I brought a proper gift, bought them a dinner and thought I behaved correctly, but I didn't think the visit went well.

GENTLE READER: Did you suppose that your friends hated the scented candle you brought them so much that they were quietly trying to kill you with cat smells and milk?

Miss Manners concedes that it was not nice for the kitty litter cleaning to be left to you and for the husband to push food on you, but recommends that you call this behavior what it is: mindless thoughtlessness. You might find other accommodations next time you are in their city.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It happens, not so infrequently, that during a conversation where I am relating a story to a friend, the friend interrupts and gives an account of a similar situation that has happened to her. I then politely listen to her story, and by the time she finishes, the content of my tale has lost its significance.

This usually happens with well-meaning friends. I don't want to alienate them with a rude response, but at the same time, it would be nice to be able to finish my story before they so eagerly jump in to tell theirs. How should I handle this type of waning etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Talk faster? Barring that, Miss Manners recommends that you try returning to your narrative, saying, "Oh dear, I got so wrapped up in your story that I am afraid I lost track of mine," followed by a wistful look and a polite but weak smile. And then resolve to model good behavior and be an advocate for someone else the next time there is an impolite interruption.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed a peculiar attempt at good manners: the second-hand thank-you.

An example -- and I could cite many -- came from an acquaintance who asked a mutual friend to thank me for a sympathy card I had recently sent to her.

Knowing that it is unnecessary for cards of this sort to be acknowledged, to receive a second-hand thank-you strikes me as worse than none at all. Am I guilty of splitting hairs?

GENTLE READER: Allow Miss Manners to split one for you -- and make you feel much better about being annoyed in the first place. A response is necessary for a letter of sympathy, although not for pre-printed statements accompanied only by a signature. Second-hand thank-yous, though, are lazy at best and put undue burden on an innocent third party. So split away.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have become sadly aware that a person in my community was verbally, emotionally and physically abusive to both of his spouses, one of whom just separated from and divorced him. I got this information independently from each of the women involved and without their knowledge of the other's report.

I have had a warm but not close social relationship with him, including one or two dinners over the previous five years. But after this all became clear and undeniable, he approached me at a party and attempted to make conversation. I was only able to utter "hi" and turn away, and it was difficult to not share my thoughts with him about his behaviors.

Is this the right response? I will likely see him again in the future at similar events. I also wonder if I should inform the hosts of my certainty about his character. I am unclear on my ethical responsibilities in this matter.

GENTLE READER: Ostracism is a powerful tool for expressing disapproval of bad behavior, although it operates separately from the legal system, and, more specifically, from courts of law and prisons.

If you have evidence to give to the authorities, then it may be your duty to do so, but assuming that is not the case, miscreants who have not been judged, prosecuted and perhaps punished may still fall outside the pale of polite society. Avoiding this person yourself is entirely reasonable and, depending on what it is you learned from the ex-spouses, it may even be allowable for you to share information with potential hosts.

Miss Manners issues only one caution, which is that given the lack of a formal determination of the facts on your part, you must be sensitive to the possibility that not everything you have heard is true. A remarkable number of 19th-century novelists made their careers on stories about unjust ostracism, and in those novels, the people doing the ostracizing are not the heroes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will soon be leaving employment with a wonderful employer for a better opportunity. When this job began, I struggled with it for a long time and was fortunate to have a truly wonderful boss who supported me.

Now that I am leaving (with bittersweet emotions), I want to write my boss a thank-you card for her kindness and support. I would also like to include a gift card, but is this too much? I know for a fact that my future employer has already contacted her about me, so I wouldn't be seen as buying any influence. But I want her to know how appreciated she is.

GENTLE READER: How much sweeter would it be to buy an actual gift? This would, Miss Manners asserts, demonstrate both that you were close enough to know what she would like and that your relationship evolved beyond financial transactions such as employer and employee.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife likes to text me my name and wait for a response from me before following up with whatever question she wants to ask me in another text. She likes to do this to get my attention.

I find this practice annoying, as it grabs my attention and makes me respond, only to leave me staring at my phone and waiting around for a follow-up text. I think it would be more considerate of her to just ask her question directly.

GENTLE READER: Unusual as is your wife's approach, Miss Manners agrees that it puts you in a bind. Etiquette does not require that you respond immediately to every stray text, but once you have answered, you are stuck until one party excuses themselves.

A good response might be, "I'm here but I'm about to get into the elevator. What's up?" Miss Manners realizes this exceeds the fashionable number of vowels, but perhaps you can program it in as a canned response.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am going to be married soon to a wonderful man. We are planning a small ceremony, as his family's church has limited seating. We are having a larger reception, with about twice as many guests as the ceremony.

We did not register for presents. We don't need anything and are simply looking forward to a lovely day with our family and friends.

My fiance's cousin asked us what we wanted for our wedding and we told him, truthfully, the honor of his presence was enough. He then proceeded to tell us that he was going to get us something anyway and signed us up for two different wedding registries.

I am at a loss about what to do. I personally think registries are in poor taste, and we really don't need any more things. What should we say to this well-meaning, but slightly misguided, cousin? So far I haven't done anything with the registries, but he has checked in a few times to see if we have added anything.

GENTLE READER: Tempting as it is to simply ignore the unwanted registries, Miss Manners fears that if your cousin is energetic enough to check if you are using them, he may also be energetic enough to tell other guests about their existence.

Were he to do so, he would not only be ignoring your wishes himself, but he would also be soliciting gifts in your name -- and thereby making you a party to his rudeness.

To prevent this, Miss Manners recommends contacting the stores directly to take down the registries and following this up with a note to your cousin telling him what you have done and reiterating how serious you are about not asking for presents. As an angry tone (no matter how justified) is likely to engender an angry response, assert instead that you feel strongly about it -- and if he cares about you he will honor your wishes, no matter how silly they may seem. This is one case where Miss Manners has no objection to the bride playing the "my day" card.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)