DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a sporting event that was part of an acquaintance's birthday celebration, I met her husband for the first time. Later, while I was surveying with dismay the long lines for food, I noticed that he was halfway through one of the lines. I was ecstatic at my good fortune!

I asked if he would purchase food for me and gave him a $20 bill. He returned and presented me with a plain hot dog (bun and hot dog only), which I estimate would have left a reasonable amount of change even at ball park prices. He made no mention of the change, which I thought was a bit odd. I didn't press the matter, but was left with an uneasy feeling.

Was I out of line to request the favor of such a new acquaintance? I did not specify whether I expected change or offer to buy him an item as part of the transaction. Was it rude of me to request the favor without offering him the option to use the change toward his own purchase? Was it my responsibility to inquire about the change when he returned and presented me with my very plain hot dog?

GENTLE READER: Even an old acquaintance would have trouble juggling an additional order of food, let alone stopping to slather ketchup, mustard and relish on it.

You could have offered to pay for the rest, if for no other reason than that figuring out change from different sources was likely to stall an already harried exchange --and irritate the people behind him. It is also possible that he intended to give you change, but forgot.

Miss Manners suggests that you let it go, next time saying, "I hope that it did not cause you problems -- and please don't bother about the change." Thereby you get credit for the outcome, while also giving him a chance to remedy the situation if he so chooses.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I purchased our dream home after many years of hard work and sacrifices. Our 15-year-old new home is contemporary and modern in style, set on a scenic hill with a small lake across the way.

Many guests are happy and intrigued by its openness, exquisite style and location. But when family members visit and tour, we often hear: "This is not what I expected at all." What would you suggest as an appropriate response to this somewhat awkward statement?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you, we're so glad you like it."

Miss Manners notices that people who are incorrectly credited with being gracious never deny it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine wants me to wait until the last minute on a Saturday morning (I work full time, 9 to 5, Monday through Friday) to see if she wants to do something with me or not. I think this is very rude.

I would never even think of asking a person to hold an entire Saturday until I decided what to do at the last minute! How can I help this person see that her demand is unreasonable?

GENTLE READER: "If you are not able to commit to plans, perhaps we can schedule a time when you know you will be free. What does next summer look like?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughters, ages 7 and 8, and I are sometimes invited to a dinner with a family who has boys, ages 9 and 10, or another family with boys aged 8 and 10. We always have a lovely dinner, but then once the adults start talking, the boys take out their iPads and basically ignore my daughters.

I've taught my daughters that when we eat at someone's house, we are there to socialize with them and that it's not appropriate to play on a mobile phone or tablet, as that would be rude. So on the occasions that we eat with these families, my girls end up in tears because they feel ignored and eventually get super bored.

It's not that I expect the boys to entertain them, and I could send the girls with their own tablet. Am I being a rude guest, and should I just tote along a tablet for my girls to play on?

GENTLE READER: Before you resort to such measures, Miss Manners suggests you start out lower on the tech pole by instructing your daughters to bring board games or art materials discreetly. When the boys inevitably take out their tablets, instruct the girls to start a game or a (non-messy) art project, encouraging the others to play with them.

If that fails, at least your daughters will have something to occupy them -- until they quickly learn that staying at the table, listening to grown-ups' conversations is often the best entertainment of all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have come to learn that a few people did not receive their invitations to my wedding for one reason or another, and I only found out when I inquired about their RSVPs (I inquired after the posted RSVP date).

In most cases, the address was right, but they still did not get the invitation! I even double-checked the addresses myself, and my calligrapher checked that every address was correct and a legit postal address through the post office.

This got me thinking that when I send thank-you notes, how am I to be sure everyone got their notes? I do not have everyone's phone numbers and am wondering if I am supposed to follow up with the 170-plus people coming to my wedding regarding if they received my thank-you notes? I don't want anyone thinking I am ungrateful for their gift to us, and given the issue regarding some of the invitations, I am afraid they will not all get their thank-you notes. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: That your guests acquire better mail service. Or better excuses for not having responded.

Even with tangible evidence, it is not reasonable to expect that you check in with all recipients to make sure that they received your letters of thanks.

However, when you see each person next -- or at the reception if they sent the present early -- Miss Manners recommends that you make a point of thanking them again, adding, "I hope you got my letter. The post seems to be intercepting them." She does not allow this excuse, however, for those hoping to forgo writing them entirely. But nice try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What's the best way to order something from a menu when the restaurant has given it a ridiculous name?

The restaurant calls the sandwich I want "Smack Yo Mama." It's stupid -- and I find it offensive. Do I just point at it in the menu and say, "I'll have that"? Or do I say, "I'll have the Smack Yo Mama without the side order of misogyny, please"?

GENTLE READER: Pointing is one option. Another is to read back the description that most menus find necessary when the name is so clever as to be unidentifiable:

"I would like the pastrami on rye with Tabasco, cayenne pepper and a side of pomme frites."

Miss Manners recommends reserving complaints for someone, such as a manager, who is in a position to make a change. If none is available, the suggestion box or the restaurant's comment section on its website will do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband had been widowed 10 years before we met. He had three early-adult children and I was divorced with one high-school-aged and one early college-aged children whom I raised by myself.

My entire family loves and includes my husband in every occasion. After nine years of marriage, with no conflicts between myself and my husband's family, my husband's children still exclude me from every occasion.

I was included on his son's wedding invitation as "and Fam," but I wasn't seated with family, given a place at the reception table or included in pictures. The couple's pet dog was given the place that the groom's father's wife would traditionally have been given -- I was given a folding chair in the kitchen doorway because there was no place card for me at any table.

I am not included in family holiday gatherings, although last year I was notified that I owed a significant amount for the rental of a cabin for a Christmas gathering that I wasn't invited to and didn't attend because I didn't know about it.

I have attended gatherings and grandchildren's birthday parties, even though I wasn't included on the invitations, and each time I have been treated as an outsider, again asked to step out of family photos.

I behave as graciously as possible, but it continues to be very uncomfortable for me, even though my husband doesn't see it that way. Today's invitation came again addressed to only my husband.

Is it rude for me not to attend? Is it inappropriate for me not to send a gift? My husband never gives a gift at all -- I have always been the one to give the gifts.

GENTLE READER: How can it be rude not to attend an event to which you were not invited?

But when you say there have been "no conflicts" between yourself and your husband's family, Miss Manners can only conclude that you use the term in a very literal sense. There is an enormous conflict -- whether or not your husband is able to see it, and whether or not you are too gracious to make a scene.

Families have been broken by lesser provocations than those you describe. If your husband is unable or unwilling to defend you, you need no excuse to decline invitations that were never made.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)