DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughters, ages 7 and 8, and I are sometimes invited to a dinner with a family who has boys, ages 9 and 10, or another family with boys aged 8 and 10. We always have a lovely dinner, but then once the adults start talking, the boys take out their iPads and basically ignore my daughters.

I've taught my daughters that when we eat at someone's house, we are there to socialize with them and that it's not appropriate to play on a mobile phone or tablet, as that would be rude. So on the occasions that we eat with these families, my girls end up in tears because they feel ignored and eventually get super bored.

It's not that I expect the boys to entertain them, and I could send the girls with their own tablet. Am I being a rude guest, and should I just tote along a tablet for my girls to play on?

GENTLE READER: Before you resort to such measures, Miss Manners suggests you start out lower on the tech pole by instructing your daughters to bring board games or art materials discreetly. When the boys inevitably take out their tablets, instruct the girls to start a game or a (non-messy) art project, encouraging the others to play with them.

If that fails, at least your daughters will have something to occupy them -- until they quickly learn that staying at the table, listening to grown-ups' conversations is often the best entertainment of all.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have come to learn that a few people did not receive their invitations to my wedding for one reason or another, and I only found out when I inquired about their RSVPs (I inquired after the posted RSVP date).

In most cases, the address was right, but they still did not get the invitation! I even double-checked the addresses myself, and my calligrapher checked that every address was correct and a legit postal address through the post office.

This got me thinking that when I send thank-you notes, how am I to be sure everyone got their notes? I do not have everyone's phone numbers and am wondering if I am supposed to follow up with the 170-plus people coming to my wedding regarding if they received my thank-you notes? I don't want anyone thinking I am ungrateful for their gift to us, and given the issue regarding some of the invitations, I am afraid they will not all get their thank-you notes. Any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: That your guests acquire better mail service. Or better excuses for not having responded.

Even with tangible evidence, it is not reasonable to expect that you check in with all recipients to make sure that they received your letters of thanks.

However, when you see each person next -- or at the reception if they sent the present early -- Miss Manners recommends that you make a point of thanking them again, adding, "I hope you got my letter. The post seems to be intercepting them." She does not allow this excuse, however, for those hoping to forgo writing them entirely. But nice try.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What's the best way to order something from a menu when the restaurant has given it a ridiculous name?

The restaurant calls the sandwich I want "Smack Yo Mama." It's stupid -- and I find it offensive. Do I just point at it in the menu and say, "I'll have that"? Or do I say, "I'll have the Smack Yo Mama without the side order of misogyny, please"?

GENTLE READER: Pointing is one option. Another is to read back the description that most menus find necessary when the name is so clever as to be unidentifiable:

"I would like the pastrami on rye with Tabasco, cayenne pepper and a side of pomme frites."

Miss Manners recommends reserving complaints for someone, such as a manager, who is in a position to make a change. If none is available, the suggestion box or the restaurant's comment section on its website will do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband had been widowed 10 years before we met. He had three early-adult children and I was divorced with one high-school-aged and one early college-aged children whom I raised by myself.

My entire family loves and includes my husband in every occasion. After nine years of marriage, with no conflicts between myself and my husband's family, my husband's children still exclude me from every occasion.

I was included on his son's wedding invitation as "and Fam," but I wasn't seated with family, given a place at the reception table or included in pictures. The couple's pet dog was given the place that the groom's father's wife would traditionally have been given -- I was given a folding chair in the kitchen doorway because there was no place card for me at any table.

I am not included in family holiday gatherings, although last year I was notified that I owed a significant amount for the rental of a cabin for a Christmas gathering that I wasn't invited to and didn't attend because I didn't know about it.

I have attended gatherings and grandchildren's birthday parties, even though I wasn't included on the invitations, and each time I have been treated as an outsider, again asked to step out of family photos.

I behave as graciously as possible, but it continues to be very uncomfortable for me, even though my husband doesn't see it that way. Today's invitation came again addressed to only my husband.

Is it rude for me not to attend? Is it inappropriate for me not to send a gift? My husband never gives a gift at all -- I have always been the one to give the gifts.

GENTLE READER: How can it be rude not to attend an event to which you were not invited?

But when you say there have been "no conflicts" between yourself and your husband's family, Miss Manners can only conclude that you use the term in a very literal sense. There is an enormous conflict -- whether or not your husband is able to see it, and whether or not you are too gracious to make a scene.

Families have been broken by lesser provocations than those you describe. If your husband is unable or unwilling to defend you, you need no excuse to decline invitations that were never made.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to interact with people whom one does not care to socialize with? I feel that it is to limit the social interactions and to be polite when I do see them. My husband disagrees; he says this is "being fake."

You see, I don't care for several of my husband's close friends. They are my/his former co-workers, and I have very little in common with them. I feel very uncomfortable at gatherings, as I do not like to drink alcohol excessively.

When I do see them, I feel I am as polite as possible. My husband is angry with me. He says they like me, and I should attend more functions with him. However, I have absolutely no desire to see these people on a regular basis. I do feel guilty that these people may have mistaken my courtesy for friendship.

Do you see the dilemma I'm in? My patience is worn thin at this point. How do I maintain these boundaries without appearing snobby or impolite?

GENTLE READER: As you have distanced yourself from these people in a way that is apparently both successful and polite, Miss Manners recommends that you continue to do so.

The problem is with your husband, who inexplicably thinks that faking an affinity you do not feel would be more genuine. You might point out to him -- with whom you can be explicit about your preferences -- that your being more honest with his friends would increase his problems with them, not the reverse.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new partner and I receive invitations from my friends and family for dinners and social events. They are happy for me in my new relationship and want to meet him. My partner does not enjoy casual socializing, and is adamant about not wanting to go.

That is mostly fine with me, so we have agreed that I will let him know occasions that are important to me that I would like him to attend. He's fine with that and has done so. He is retired from a successful professional career, is a happy guy who engages in sports and activities he enjoys, and we have an active life together.

I think his dislike of socializing is in response to many years of required attendance at business and personal affairs (he is a widower). I am happy to attend alone, but the oblique excuses I make for him are making me feel uncomfortable. Please help me with a response that is truthful but fair to him and will not offend the invitees.

GENTLE READER: What you need is a series of responses to deal with the rude, but unfortunately predictable, follow-ups to an initial refusal.

Answer No. 1: "Edwin is so sorry but he will not be able to attend." Answer No. 2: "He just can't. He's so tied up right now."

Answer No. 3: "I realize that. He would love to have come, but it's just not possible."

Miss Manners trusts you to follow the pattern and improvise more as necessary without resorting to, "Edwin hates your barbecues and now I'm not coming either."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)