DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law's sofa has so many throw pillows on it that there is no room to sit. What is the proper thing to do when invited to sit down:

Throw one or more pillows on the floor? Move one or more pillows to the back of the sofa? Perch uncomfortably on the edge of the sofa? The last option is what I have been doing, but there must be a better way.

GENTLE READER: Well, they are called throw pillows.

Miss Manners cannot advise you to litter your mother-in-law's floor with the pesky things, tempting as that may be. At least when hotels and hosts litter the beds with extraneous pillows, you can swipe them off and replace them in the morning with no one the wiser.

Your situation comes under survival tactics, such as when a restaurant customer is served food without the proper utensils to attack it. Which is to say, ask for help and if none is forthcoming, solve the problem yourself.

In this case, you would pleasantly ask your mother-in-law where you might put the extra pillows -- perhaps she would like some for her chair? If that fails, make a neat little pile of pillows and sit either to one side, or perch on top of them like a crow on a dung heap.

Or, for heaven's sake, pick another place to sit, perhaps racing your mother-in-law to her favorite chair.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter quickly realized (on the night of her wedding, no less) that her choice for a husband was not going to work out, and we are left with the task of returning gifts, checks and cash.

Does etiquette require us to offer an explanation when returning said gift, or is no explanation and a thank-you for coming all that is necessary?

GENTLE READER: It strikes Miss Manners as odd to thank people for going to a wedding that the bride either skipped or wishes she had not attended.

Your daughter does owe wedding guests an explanation, but the only proper one is, "It was a mutual decision to dissolve the marriage." This will drive people crazy, especially considering the timing, but that is their problem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I started dating someone whose out-of-context singing, humming and whistling deeply irritate me. I realize this is a joyful act, so I do have some guilt about feeling annoyed with him.

Last weekend we were on a crowded train back to the city, and when he started it up again, I (sweetly) asked him to stop. I found it especially inconsiderate and bothersome because I'm sure other people, absorbed in their own conversations, books, etc., didn't want to hear him either. I could tell my request hurt his feelings and offended him.

More than the actual act, my concern is that he is inconsiderate and lacks self-awareness. Or, maybe worse, that I've become uptight and intolerant. Am I wrong here?

GENTLE READER: Are you wrong to date someone who has a habit that drives you crazy, but who is unwilling or unable to drop it? Yes.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his fiancee decided they wanted a no-frills wedding at the beach: just him, his bride and, lucky for us, as parents we were at least invited. I was disappointed, as I would have liked to have had a wedding for our family and friends, but it's ultimately about what they want for themselves.

Our relatives who live out of state were slighted that there wasn't a wedding as well. While many acquaintances and not-close family members posted congratulations on social media, none of the immediate aunts and uncles acknowledged their wedding with a phone call or even a card. I'm upset with my sisters and brothers and in-laws that such an important day in the life of someone they claim to love so much went by without even a phone call within the month following.

When did social media become the accepted way for people who are family or close to you to send their wishes? While they were disappointed to not be given the chance to attend his wedding (it was planned in two weeks), my son is even more disappointed by their lack of interest.

GENTLE READER: As entertaining as this game of "Who was more slighted?" may be -- particularly when played out with an audience on social media -- there appear to be no winners. Miss Manners further questions how these family members might have even known about the wedding, had it not presumably been posted on social media in the first place.

If that is the case, they were simply responding in kind. If cards and calls were the goal, however, then you and/or your son should have sent out formal announcements or made personal phone calls with the news. If that was what was done and the aforementioned postings were the response from your relatives, then forgive Miss Manners. Your son does, indeed, win the award for most justified grievance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My colleague, Devon, loves to tell ribald jokes around the office. He often has us in stitches.

One thing I cannot stand, however, is when Devon makes me the butt of gay jokes in mixed company, essentially outing me. While I make no effort to hide my sexuality, I do believe I reserve the right as to how and to whom I disclose my orientation.

Although I have talked with him before about my feelings, his barbs continue apace. Short of reporting him to management, how might I find a lasting solution to this problem?

GENTLE READER: You could go just short of reporting him to management. That is, you can say, "I am sure that you mean it in jest, but management has started to crack down on jokes about sexuality and other protected classes. They might view this as harassment, and I would not want you to get fired."

For all our sakes, Miss Manners hopes that your erstwhile friend does not then seek a new audience by taking his humor public.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am Catholic and was told by the priest that I would need an annulment from my ex to be married in the church. Well, the annulment will not happen.

My fiancee found out that if I get married outside of the church, I can no longer receive communion, and she does not want me to lose that. So we decided not to get married and keep things the way they are. We are planning a future together after retirement. Can I still call her my fiancee, even though we will never get married, but we are engaged?

GENTLE READER: Indeed, she is your fiancee. And as long as this permanent engagement does not demand multiple presents or parties, Miss Manners assures you that you may call her whatever you wish.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every two weeks, my team at work has a scheduled planning meeting that is a few hours long. As a result, everyone voluntarily brings in food to the meeting to share with co-workers. The problem is that there is one gentleman who never contributes, but is the first to eat.

I'm of the opinion that if you don't contribute, you shouldn't eat. However, not everyone is in agreement with this or how to approach it moving forward. Should he eat or not?

GENTLE READER: Is he hungry? It seems to Miss Manners that the word "voluntary" is what is being violated here. If that is not truly the case -- or deep resentment will be the result of the task not being fulfilled -- then make the routine a more reliable and equitable one. Particularly since this is a work function, sign-up lists and charts would not be remiss.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For an upcoming fishing trip, my husband and I reserved a condo that accommodates four adults. We invited a guest who politely declined because of his work schedule. We invited another guest who accepted.

Then the friend we invited first sent me a text saying that he has now been able to adjust his work schedule and he's eager to go along. I can make that work -- our two guests can have the beds and my husband and I can easily sleep on an air bed. I told both guests what the situation is, and no one has a problem with it.

Today, our friend sent another text saying that his girlfriend would like to come along also. That's GREAT, and we'd enjoy having her; however, I tried to update our reservation to include five, and I'm not able to do that. There are no other available accommodations for that time frame.

I think my choices are to decline the request for our friend's girlfriend to come along or for me to stay home this time and the four of them can use the reservation as it stands. What is my correct action in this situation?

GENTLE READER: Having done everything in your power to accommodate last-minute requests of every sort, you do not need to stay home from an excursion that you yourself arranged. Miss Manners assures you that you have done quite enough.

If your friend declines the invitation a second time because his girlfriend cannot be accommodated, allow it, saying that you hope to make future plans for another trip that has room for everyone. At which point, you may encourage him to make the lodging arrangements for it himself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)