DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a rule of etiquette about where a couple is seated in a taxicab? I think the couple should sit in the back. My gentleman friend believes he should sit in the front with the driver to give directions (despite GPS navigation and the fact that taxi drivers usually know where they are going).

I feel it is discourteous to let me sit alone in the back while he chats with the driver. We are both elderly and somewhat stubborn in our beliefs. Your thoughts may help keep the peace.

GENTLE READER: Your gentleman friend's place is in the back with you -- not sitting on the driver's phone and unanswered mail in the front seat, not driving, and not sitting on the hood, satisfying though the latter might be.

Miss Manners recognizes that not all taxi drivers are good navigators, and that the customer is allowed reasonable say in the route. But back-seat driving can be done from the back seat and, if done properly, with decent consideration for the professional feelings of the driver.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend of many years is experiencing hard times; she has very little income and multiple major health problems that prevent her from working, and she has no family close by.

I invite her over for dinner every so often, as I enjoy cooking, and I try to find inexpensive or free things we can do together. I happen to work in social services and have referred her to several agencies that helped her with various problems.

She often tries to repay me, which she really cannot afford -- she even attempts to pay for the cost of ingredients when I cook dinner, which of course, I don't accept. She has gladly done favors for me, such as looking after my pet and plants when I have traveled, which I appreciate very much and have told her so.

I would love to know how to keep her from spending money to "repay" me or to buy gifts for me. At the same time, I don't want to make her feel like Poor Pitiful Pearl, either. I am far from wealthy but can afford to treat an old friend to a home-cooked meal or a movie every so often.

GENTLE READER: Manners will take the blame for your not accepting cash gifts. When your friend attempts to pay for groceries, Miss Manners recommends acting scandalized: "Ask an old friend to pay for her dinner when I have invited her for the pleasure of her company? Never!"

The tone to be cultivated is humorous exaggeration. The humor will mask the embarrassment you are nevertheless trying to create to prevent a recurrence. Truly expensive gifts must be accepted with genuine pleasure, and a direct, firm but kindly request that she recognize that you prefer her company to unaffordable gifts. (Note that Miss Manners has intentionally constructed the previous sentence so as to imply that no one can afford the gift in question.) As this technique will be neither totally effective -- nor totally free of embarrassment -- on all sides, it should not be used for inexpensive, incidental gifts.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just hosted a New Year's party for my close circle of friends. First, let me say that we had a fabulous time, and it was the perfect way to ring in the new year. But as I was cleaning up, it occurred to me that most everything I bought for the party was still here.

The invitation stated that I would provide wine, beer, mixers, garnishes and desserts, and invited guests to bring one appetizer and any other beverage they might prefer. Most brought their own wine, some brought their own desserts, and some brought several things.

Therefore, there was way too much food left over, and most of what I had provided in the way of wine, beer and desserts remained untouched. I can't help but think of the unnecessary expense -- something I dislike along with excess. So, am I being too picky and unrealistic expecting people to follow what I thought were clear instructions?

GENTLE READER: If you want to assert the host's privilege of controlling the menu, the way to do so is to provide all the refreshments. It is not by ordering take-out from your guests, as if this were a cooperative party that you had all agreed upon giving together.

Miss Manners realizes that such demands are often made. It has gotten to where other hosts complain that guests often show up with unrequested food and insist upon it being served, thus sabotaging the host's efforts. (Miss Manners advises them to accept these offerings as presents for their future use, and whisk them out of sight.)

But you should realize that to solicit offerings is to cede control. People will then bring what they find easiest or they want to consume themselves. And many of them tell Miss Manners that they are not thrilled to accept an invitation only to find that it is, as you worded it, an invitation to contribute to the larder.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I co-hosted a business function, an "appreciation dinner" for about 50 of our customers. The invitees wore traditional office attire, as did I. The invitations did not specify dress.

To my dismay, my male co-host arrived in a tuxedo. I know this was obviously improper, but as my co-host is also my superior, I had no idea how to handle the situation. While I realized he looked like a boob, my concern was what to say when asked by several guests, "Oh, am I underdressed? Is this black tie?"

In most instances, this was said with a laugh, so I didn't know if they were sharing the joke, or if they were truly uncomfortable in thinking that they had underdressed.

Is there something I could have said? I know my superior thought himself quite the dandy, so I know it will happen again next year. All I had to offer them was a rather lame, "You look just great! Can I get you something to drink?"

GENTLE READER: Try as she will, Miss Manners can think of no way you can rescue someone who is determined to dress improperly: "Oh, it's just that his New Year's Eve party went on rather long and he didn't have time to change"?

So you were right not to address the matter, but to treat the guests' remarks as if they were serious and offer them some offhand reassurance and a change of focus.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 25, and this Christmas I got everything I asked for and then much, much more from my parents. I got expensive concert tickets and a diamond necklace on top of everything else.

I am so grateful, but when I open expensive gifts, I feel guilty because my parents do not buy themselves or each other any gifts. In fact, they hardly get any gifts for Christmas.

I do buy them gifts, but nothing near the level of what they give me, especially this year. I just can't afford it, and they know this. Then to top it off, my mom said, "Oh I was gonna buy myself the necklace I got you because I liked it so much, but I decided not to."

I said, "You should have! You deserve it!" But she shrugs it off. I tried saying, "You should buy yourself something nice; I know you could use a new camera. I am an adult; I don't want anything big this year." She said, "I do need a new camera, but they are so expensive!" She is right, and the kind she would like is way outside my budget. I suggested she and my father exchange gifts, but she claims they already agreed not to.

I know she is happy to give and her intentions are good, but it is not what I want. I want to see them open something that would make them happy. I wish they would understand that expensive stuff doesn't make me happy.

I was thinking I want to give her the necklace she gave me. It's beautiful and I know she will wear it more than me. It is not something I could ever afford to buy her. However, I am afraid she would be offended if I offer. Is it rude or selfish?

GENTLE READER: If you were in an O. Henry story, you would sell the necklace and use the money to buy your mother the camera. You would not tell her, but if she found out, you would explain that you know she wants to make you happy, and that is what makes you happy.

Miss Manners realizes that this violates her rule against rejecting presents. But while it is hard to say that someone who gives -- or wants to give back -- a diamond necklace is selfish, this one came with a hook, in addition to its clasp. You need to deal with the underlying issue, because it is going to keep recurring.

Alternatively, you could say that you want to share the necklace with her, and that it would have more meaning to you if she wore it first. And you should stop asking for presents -- unless you ask for something, like the camera, that would make you happy because it would enable you to give it to her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend just emailed that her housemaid threw out my holiday gift! How do I politely respond?

GENTLE READER: Not by sending another present, which is the only motive Miss Manners can imagine that your friend had for mentioning this. You need only say, "What a shame. I had hoped you would like it."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)