DEAR MISS MANNERS: My pregnant daughter and her husband live in my backyard, in a charming but tiny apartment they made out of my office and garage. My son-in-law’s parents recently visited from out of town, and subsequently sent the kids a gift of a toaster, a microwave and a coffee machine.

They can’t have missed the lack of available space in the kids’ apartment, so I assume they intended these objects to stay with me, in my house. I was not pining for these appliances, wouldn’t have picked them in this color, and suspect they’ll get little use by me.

Must I thank his parents for the gifts? Or is the kids’ thanks adequate? I am a poor liar.

GENTLE READER: Then do not poach your kids’ presents.

As these appliances were given to them, it is up to them what they do with them -- and that might be returning them for something more practical, cramming them into their tiny home or putting them in storage until they have a bigger one.

Thanks are required only from the direct recipient of presents. And that is just as well, because stating that you appropriated theirs and being unable to disguise your dislike are not seemly ingredients for a letter of thanks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few months ago, I received an emailed wedding invitation from someone whose email address was not familiar to me. The wedding date was almost six months away.

There was no mention of any name in the invitation, just a photo of the couple, then the place, date, time and a link to click to reply. I had no idea who this person was, and puzzled for a few seconds, before enlarging the photo and seeing that the future groom looked vaguely familiar. I figured it must be the son of a friend who I heard was engaged.

Since I would be on vacation at that time, I sent my regret. Later, a few friends mentioned that they’d had the same difficulty figuring out who the wedding invitation came from. One of them contacted the father of the groom and was told that the invitations were sent early because the families wanted to weed out the ones not coming so they could invite the next “wave.” She was discouraged from accepting the invitation, because “the overnight stay at this remote location might be a bit much for her and her husband.”

She said she decided not to go because she felt a bit insulted, but will send a gift. My feeling is that the whole thing was an insult, and I would not feel obligated to send a gift. Do you agree?

GENTLE READER: If the “first wave” friends do not recognize them, Miss Manners is baffled by what the second one will look like. But that is not your problem. Neither, you will be pleased to hear, is getting a present for an event that you are not attending and involving people you hardly know.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it disrespectful to bring an ex-girlfriend to see her ex-boyfriend, in front of the current girlfriend, while the ex-boyfriend is in his last days of life?

GENTLE READER: One should comply with the wishes of the dying, if possible.

This often requires restraint on all sides, and possibly discomfort. It certainly requires knowing what those wishes are -- which is not evident from your question.

The ex-girlfriend does not have a right to a final visit, and so must make a request. If a visit is to occur, the current girlfriend could be gracious by excusing herself. Miss Manners is unclear of the identity of the person “bringing” the ex-girlfriend, and reminds him or her that this is not an area in which outside judgments about what is fitting will be welcome.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a question about sit-down social events, such as weddings or large dinner parties, when there is more than one table of guests. If, after everyone has finished eating, one member of a couple excuses themselves (e.g. restroom), does the other person have to wait until their spouse/partner returns to the table to also leave the table?

For example: Everyone has eaten and plates are cleared, some guests are still seated, drinking coffee and chatting, and others have excused themselves to dance or socialize. Does the spouse/partner left at the table have to wait until the other person returns?

GENTLE READER: Although couples are treated as a social unit for invitations and seating (when they should be separated), not everything can be synchronized. So long as you are not looking to make a getaway without saying goodbye -- or, in a restaurant setting, paying your share of the bill -- both members of a couple are free to excuse themselves at any point for a bathroom visit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who asks numerous times to see me, but declines every situation I propose to make a visit happen.

I have offered to go to her, to have her come over, to bring her husband, to meet somewhere publicly -- and she declines every option. She always comes back in a few weeks to ask when we can meet, and the cycle continues.

How do I respond to her next request? I am confused by how much she approaches me to spend time together, only to decline every option I can think of to meet her.

GENTLE READER: Contrary to popular belief, the scourge of casual interactions is not “How is your day going?” but, “We should get together.” People have learned not to fall for the former -- realizing that they are not being asked for a detailed report -- but the latter still deceives.

That you have made numerous offers, and that all of them have been rejected, is a clue that your friend is not serious about getting together. Miss Manners has an easy solution, which is to respond in kind: “I’d love to; why don’t you suggest something?” This can be repeated over a course of years if necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m not a firm believer in men holding doors open for women, as I’m perfectly capable of opening a door myself. I often open and hold doors for others because it seems the polite, not chivalrous, thing to do. That said, if a man insists on opening a door for me, rather than fighting for the handle, I allow social customs, archaic as they are, to dictate.

If he has opened the door on the way into a coffee shop where there is a line to the counter, it seems polite to then let him go ahead of me, since he forfeited his place in line by kindly holding the door for me. Then again, maybe he is expecting to lose his place in line to hold the door for me, and intending that I go first. What’s a feminist to do in this scenario?

GENTLE READER: Having heard from the gentlemen directly, Miss Manners can assure you that they were not expecting to give up their place in line; many report feeling taken advantage of.

Gesturing for them to go first will, she trusts, solve everyone’s problem. The gentleman will not feel punished for doing what he intended as a good deed. You will have taken an opportunity both to acknowledge, and to return, the gesture, while making the point that good manners can be practiced no matter what your gender. And the shop employees will be allowed to get on with pouring coffee, instead of breaking up fistfights in the line -- albeit among sluggish, low-caffeine combatants.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter and husband bought a house, where I go to babysit for them weekly. There is an area that smells badly of mold, and I worry for my health and that of the babies. I have mentioned it several times and the reply has been, “Mom, you are the only one who smells it.”

I have offered to have it tested and pay for repairs, but it has been six months and the issue remains unaddressed. Now I have bought a mold-testing kit. What is the protocol for taking samples and submitting them to the lab? Should I tell my daughter I’m doing it, or wait and see if the lab report confirms my worries that there is something harmful?

GENTLE READER: Neither approach is likely to end well. If you tell her, she will be offended. If you do not tell her, and the result comes back positive, you will have to confess that you did an invasive thing without her permission.

Miss Manners assumes that if you do not tell her, and the result comes back negative, you will be relieved rather than disappointed. But you do not expect this outcome. Having pointed out the smell, and even offered a solution, there is little more you can do. Your daughter is now a grown woman with responsibilities -- and children -- of her own, and you have no choice but to trust that she is managing those responsibilities, well, responsibly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)