DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I moved into a house with two stories. When he calls to me from the other floor, I frequently can’t understand him, so I have taken to calling back, “Honey, I can’t hear you. If you’re trying to ask me something, you need to come into this room.”

He thinks that if I can’t understand him, then I should just come to where he is. I say that it’s the onus of the original bellower to come to the bellow-ee. I hate repeatedly calling back, “What? WHAT?” and then putting down whatever I’m doing just to go upstairs and learn I’ve been summoned to tell him, for example, that “Yes, I did buy toothpaste.”

GENTLE READER: With some exceptions, the responsibility for being in a position to be understood lies with the person initiating the communication. In other words, the bellower. In saying that there are exceptions, Miss Manners is thinking of the bedridden -- not those who lack patience, empathy or volume control.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While I was shopping in a store, a patron entered wearing a T-shirt with the following message: “Shut the F Up.” I was, of course, dismayed, and more so when the store’s employees didn’t request that the person leave the premises.

Why has this become acceptable? At the St. Louis barbecue festival, I saw a 30-something man wearing a T-shirt that said “St. F-ing Louis.” Families and children were all around. To enter the festival, I had to have my purse searched, but no one thought his shirt was inappropriate? It’s becoming a very ugly world.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, our rights to free speech extend to vulgar T-shirts. How ironic, however, that the first shirt you mention rudely demanded that you stifle yours.

If you feel the need to politely assert your own First Amendment rights, Miss Manners recommends you say in a loud voice, “Oh dear, I did not realize St. Louis had changed its name. I guess I won’t be going there.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter wants to bring her friend on a trip with us. What is the best way to ask her mom? Do we have her pay for her daughter’s ticket?

We never offered to pay, but I feel awkward asking if she will buy for her daughter.

GENTLE READER: If you were inviting this girl for dinner, it would be wrong to ask for her mother to pay (although Miss Manners has heard from readers whose appalling hosts have tried).

A trip, however, is different. Miss Manners sees nothing wrong with politely asking, alluding to the financial investment involved and letting the mother decide: “We would love to invite Britta along with us to Cancun, but we realize that the cost might be exorbitant. She can, of course, stay with us in Lavidia’s room. What do you think?”

Your hosting duties would still presumably extend to providing additional amenities and food, although it would be reasonable to assume that the girl would bring along her own pocket money -- and passport.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my niece graduated from high school last year, my brother sent out all her party invitations, sent thank-you notes as if they were written and signed by her, and even endorsed the back of the checks she received. Of course, I recognized his handwriting.

When I questioned him, he said she was “too busy getting ready for college.” Her sister will graduate next year, and I’m sure my brother will do the same thing for her.

Am I wrong to be offended at how lazy these girls are? Shouldn’t a graduate have the courtesy to send a thank-you note when someone sends a gift?

GENTLE READER: Especially, Miss Manners notes, if said graduate wants another one. As their aunt, you might point this out, cheekily noting that you plan on giving future presents directly to their father, since he is the one acknowledging them. He will likely need the money for bail when he is imprisoned for check forgery.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Starting a few months ago, I began working in a public-service setting with one other person, a much older male. Whenever a customer asks for help, my co-worker jumps in.

He frequently jumps to the conclusion that I have made mistakes, and when I explain my actions, he never apologizes. When I talk to him, sometimes he literally waves me away or turns his back on me.

This co-worker has been an employee for years, was recently promoted to shift supervisor and is well-liked by most of the customers. I do not wish to complain about him to my superior, nor do I do think it would do any good. Can you think of something polite but effective I could say to get this retirement-age man to change his behavior toward me?

GENTLE READER: “When can we throw your retirement party?”

Miss Manners jests, of course, but she does encourage you to be generous, not only because the retirement may be imminent, but also because flattery tends to be more effective: “You know so much, I would love to learn from you. However, I wonder if in doing so, you could give me a chance to occasionally work with our customers on my own, and then we could talk about it afterwards -- either alone or in a formal review with our boss.”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do you politely decline gifts of signs and crafts with sayings on them? It’s just not our thing. It’s our son’s girlfriend who makes and gives them, so we have to tread lightly.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, the relative substance of the present and giver are not entirely relevant here. Politely accepting unwanted items, and then discreetly disposing of them as you wish, is the only correct solution.

However, when it comes to the nature of the quotes themselves, Miss Manners will allow the quality of the enthusiasm to differ appropriately. Crafts and sayings of the “adorable downtrodden kitten” variety may be greeted with a pleasant, bemused smile. More provocatively intended ones of a political or religious nature may be received with a much, much weaker one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a proper way to look up an ancient friend online without being noticed?

I want to maintain a sense of propriety on my part, and not be seen as overbearing or as attributing an unwarranted interest. I just want to find out: Is he or she married now? I don’t want to ask a mutual friend.

GENTLE READER: These days, there undoubtedly is a way to find out if your friend is married while preserving your anonymity, but Miss Manners’ expertise is in etiquette, not espionage. And that expertise tells her that even if you avoid being caught, there is no way to wonder about someone’s marital status while preserving both a lack of interest and a sense of propriety.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In my small apartment building, one of my neighbors is a sweet older lady who works for an engraver. We’ve had difficulty with our mail carrier putting our mail in each other’s boxes. Usually we just re-sort the mail ourselves, but apparently it annoys my neighbor to no end.

To combat the problem, she had some lovely brass plaques engraved with our last names and apartment numbers, and mounted them to our mailboxes. However, my name has been somewhat misspelled: My last name ends with an “s,” and for some reason she put an apostrophe before it, making it possessive.

I think it’s so nice that she had these made, but I have no idea if she actually paid for them or if they were free of charge from her employer. Either way, I would really like to have mine replaced. I’ve thought about offering to pay for the replacement, but I’m afraid I’ll seem ungracious.

Or, because she’s so sweet, she’ll insist upon replacing it at her own expense. I haven’t a clue how much these things cost, but I don’t want her to have to pay for the replacement.

Also, a little bit of time has passed now, and I’m a little embarrassed that I hadn’t brought it up sooner. I even thought about just letting it be, but this error happens more often than you think, and it annoys me to have to look at it every day. Not to mention, it looks like the box belongs to someone else, like it’s “William’s” mail rather than “Mr. Williams”! (Not my real last name.) What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Changing your name? Perhaps not. And Miss Manners assumes that someone who works for an engraver will not be fooled if you surreptitiously obscure the apostrophe with a foreign substance.

This leaves a direct approach. You cannot, unfortunately, assume that your neighbor will see the humor in her mounting the plaques because the mail carrier was not getting her name right -- and her then doing the same to you. But if you are sufficiently grateful and apologetic, she will see the logic. You must do this and one thing more: Insist on paying for the replacement, avoiding any annoyance over the undeniable fact that your neighbor caused the problem by not consulting with you before she took action.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)