DEAR MISS MANNERS: I admit it: I am not a user of social media. I care not at all if some self-absorbed celebrity is, or is not, breastfeeding. Nor do I believe one’s every thought needs to or should be broadcast to the masses in an early morning tweet. How does Miss Manners view social media and the apparent complete abandonment of civility?

GENTLE READER: Social media did not invent bragging or celebrity gossip; it is only a system for distributing them widely. (It did, however, commit the crime of inventing “Please admire my lunch!” photography.)

Still, Miss Manners notices that participation remains voluntary. You no more need to be on social media than to hang on the back fence listening to neighborhood gossip.

The reward is a lot of free time to do more interesting things, although admittedly some of it must be spent explaining to your real-life social circle that if they want to reach you for an announcement or an invitation, they must do it another way.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I got an email from a niece informing me that she was pregnant. She made an improvident marriage about six months ago to a man with limited education and no ambition. He has a criminal record, and two children.

Now he has insisted that the two children come and live with them, although his ex is too poor to pay child support. The couple lives in a small apartment, and they have no prospects of getting a home because he does not earn much. My niece just finished college, and I was hoping she’d get a good job so they could eventually buy a home.

I feel this decision to have a child dooms them to poverty, and that it was incredibly poor judgment on their part. I also believe it is wrong to bring children into the world if you cannot provide adequately for them. I have not answered the email because I honestly can’t think of anything positive to say without being two-faced. Any ideas of what I could say while being true to myself?

GENTLE READER: “I wish you all the best”? And when the baby arrives, it would be kind of you to offer to help.

Miss Manners realizes that you think that such a response would be an endorsement of an unfortunate, not to say reckless, situation. But your niece is not asking you whether she should have a baby, any more than she asked you if she should marry a criminal.

This child, who will be your relative, is on the way, regardless of your opinion. Your disapproval will not change that, or serve any purpose other than adding to the burdens your niece seems already to be carrying. Surely your hope should be to subtract from them, if that is possible.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What type of gloves should be worn at a tea? Long or short?

GENTLE READER: Short, as teas are held during the afternoon. But Miss Manners whispers that you can get away without any, as gloves must be removed before you partake of tea.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I are at work and our teen daughter is in school, we communicate with her via text message.

I have told my teen that she is at the top of my totem pole, and I respond promptly to her messages (like “Mom, what medicine can I take for my hives?” or “Mom, what time are you coming home?”) -- but that I feel like I am at the bottom of hers. She is more anxious about replying immediately to her peers than to her dad and me.

It is not uncommon for her to respond only in the evening to a text or question I asked in the morning. She has said she will be better, but things have not changed. Is the right way to teach her to do the same to her? That is, ignore her messages for hours?

GENTLE READER: What are you and your husband texting your daughter all day? “The house is on fire”? “You left your term paper on the kitchen table”? “We’re off to Las Vegas until Sunday -- key is under the lilac bush”?

Her own messages that you cite do require answers, and it would be spiteful to ignore them. But if yours are less immediate, Miss Manners is not surprised that your daughter does not treat them as urgent. The unfortunate result may be that when one actually is an emergency, she may ignore it as just part of the day’s bombardment of texts.

It is not disrespectful to you that your daughter’s attention is on her friends during her free time at school. Even the most dutiful and devoted children do not worry about and focus on their healthy parents as intently as parents may do in regard to their children.

Never mind the totem poles. What you should tell your daughter is that from now on, you and her father will not text her at school unless it is something that needs an immediate response, which you will require her to provide.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a single, childless senior, because that’s the way my life turned out. Many of my longtime friends have children or grandchildren, most of whom I have never met.

Can you tell me how to change the subject when they talk of nothing else? Most recently, I talked to a childhood friend for the first time in months. After asking about my health, she then talked for an hour about her son’s second wedding, a destination extravaganza. I won’t be invited, and I have not seen her son since he was a toddler.

These discussions might be more welcome if you actually knew the people involved, don’t you think?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but they don’t. And they would be glad to make you acquainted through a few hundred pictures they happen to have on their telephones. Miss Manners recommends a strongly voiced, “What else is going on in your life?” With any luck, they will tell you about their health problems.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of mine quickly eloped after becoming engaged. I sent a really nice bouquet of red roses to their home shortly after they returned, along with a card addressed to her and her new husband congratulating them on their marriage and wishing them a lifetime of love together.

I was surprised when I didn’t receive even an acknowledgment for the roses. About a month later, a mutual friend of ours shared with me that my newly married friend thought it was inappropriate that I sent RED roses, saying that I must be in love with her because red roses are sent by someone who wants to express their romantic feelings to the recipient. And that I should have known white or yellow roses were OK, but not red!

I have been completely perplexed by this. Is it inappropriate to send red roses to a newly married couple? Should I feel embarrassed and call with an apology? This has been confusing and upsetting to me.

GENTLE READER: As silly as the symbolism of flower colors and the relative emotional truth-in-packaging they represent may seem, the precedent does exist. Your friend’s reaction, however, was beyond silly. Besides the presumptuousness of assuming something that clearly was not intended, if she really took it so seriously, wouldn’t flowers addressed to both members of the couple mean you were in love with both?

If you would like to continue the friendship -- and smooth over the situation -- call or send a note saying that you meant for the red to symbolize the couple’s love for each other, not yours for them.

And if everyone makes up and you are invited to any post-elopement celebrations, let Miss Manners caution you further against wearing red -- as it is traditionally considered too racy a contrast to a bride. She may not be able to defend you twice.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son-in-law has the habit of helping himself to communal dishes with his hands. He does this both in restaurants and at home. I mentioned it to my daughter 10 years ago, and she felt it wasn’t her place to correct him.

They now have three amazing sons who idolize their father. I’m worried that this habit will impede their progression in life if they choose to emulate him. My daughter just looks the other way. Ultimately, I feel it is so unsanitary!! I try to add serving spoons and forks, to no avail. It’s so difficult to enjoy a meal with him using his fingers as serving utensils.

GENTLE READER: Ten years seems to Miss Manners a suitably long amount of time passed to be able to broach the subject with your daughter again. If she still feels it is not her place, phrase it in a uniquely motherly way, pointing out that it IS her place to model good manners --and hygiene -- for her children. If all else fails, get them alone and teach them yourself, but without mentioning the nearby bad example, which they will notice on their own.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)