DEAR MISS MANNERS: I write to you in a moment of sadness. My birthday was yesterday, and I’m now 31 years old. Of an admittedly small number of friends on social media, the same number as my birthday, only six wished me any sort of birthday sentiment.

I keep my friends list small because they are people I currently interact with or the special few I cherish. The appeal of large swaths of friends, both in life and on social media, has always been lost on me.

The number is not what stung; it was the idea that so many didn’t notice or care about the birthday reminder that popped up. I always write a birthday message when someone else’s pops up, or call to offer well wishes. My best friend and her husband didn’t even text or call, though I think they forgot due to a recent house move.

How can I get over the general bite of how easy it is to be reminded of someone else’s birthday online, while the specific sting of close friends forgetting is still lingering?

I feel very pitiable and old, and am writing this for one reason alone: Your care for the nuance of consideration and the subtlety of social grace has always meant a lot to me in a world of careless inattention and progressively inward-focused urges. I’ve always agreed with your idea that manners and etiquette, when practiced and understood, are for the purpose of social ease and enjoyment, that all may feel welcome and pardoned when necessary. It’s a facet of communication that goes beyond rote statements. It’s a standard of respect.

GENTLE READER: Yes, but it is not a checklist by which you conduct an annual test of your friendships.

It saddens Miss Manners that adult birthdays seem to bring out the worst in people. It is now common to declare how one wants to celebrate -- at the expense of guests, who are also expected to bring presents.

In comparison, your wish is very modest. But while you believe that the ease of responding to an electronic prompting should make it a requirement, Miss Manners sees this as so minimal as to be unimportant. People who are genuinely fond of you, and who exhibit their friendship in other ways, may not dream that you are counting up and brooding over some clicks.

Miss Manners urges you to stop. For your own sake, she urges you to cease thinking of your birthday as a reckoning day. If you want to give yourself a treat, go ahead; if you want to see your friends, invite them as your guests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which word, “gift” or “present,” is correct?

GENTLE READER: For fastidious pedants like Miss Manners and probably no one else, “present” is the preferred word. The rationale is that “gift,” as in “gift with purchase,” is too much associated with the commercial world, where it really isn’t one.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We approached our favorite fishing spot. About 40 yards away was another boat. The other fisherman yelled, “Welcome!”

He saw that we were catching fish, and that we released all of the catch. He asked if he could have a fish we caught. We agreed, so he trolled over and took the fish. Everyone was very friendly.

Then his tone changed drastically, and he said, “Leave this spot to other people who don’t get to come every day! Don’t you know fishing etiquette?”

We were surprised. What are fishing-hole manners?

GENTLE READER: Apparently whatever the crusty fisherman there cared to tell you: “Welcome,” “Don’t come back,” and “Give us your fish.”

The etiquette of this particular fishing hole -- Miss Manners doesn’t know if she is more amused or flattered that etiquette was invoked -- seems to be a kind of rough banter that you can take for joking. The reply she suggests is, “Oh, but if we don’t come here, how are you going to get any fish?”

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I think I do OK with dinner-table conversation, but mingling at a reception or casual buffet can be really hard. There are all of these groups of two or three people talking with each other, and I figure I should try to talk with them, too.

Should I go up to a group of people who are already talking, and just start listening to the conversation until I can join in? That seems OK if I already know one of the people, but it seems weird if I don’t know them.

Maybe I should just go up to a person who is alone; is that the only option if I don’t know anyone? What if I go up to a group and start listening to a conversation, and then can’t think of a way to join in for five minutes or more? Should I just sneak away?

Also, if I am talking with one person already and a third person comes up and joins in, can I just leave after a while if the two of them seem to be having a good time? I don’t really want to interrupt them just to say that I am going to get a drink, but I also don’t want to be rude by walking off without saying anything.

GENTLE READER: Mingling is not easy, Miss Manners grants. But that is the expected activity at chairless parties. And it doesn’t matter whether you know anyone there, because the rule is, “The roof is an introduction.”

Relieving loners is kind, as well as easy. When you sidle up to a group, they should at least smile at you until they get to a break in the conversation when you can be included. If none of that happens, toss them a smile and just sidle away, no excuse needed. If your group is getting along without you, you can also slip off for better pickings with barely more than a smile.

Freshening one’s drink is the standard parting line, although “I enjoyed talking with you” (if there was any talk at all) works just as well without your having to head to the bar. Remember that the whole premise of such a party is to keep moving.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As pastor of a Catholic parish, I often get requests for help, and usually the various organizations in our parish or diocese can reach out to assist the people who come by or call.

Lately, however, I have been receiving emails from people wanting me to publicize GoFundMe accounts for various individuals. We have no way of knowing if these accounts are legitimate, and if we agreed to include one account in our church bulletin, others would want us to include theirs, as well.

Do you have any suggestions as to how I can gently tell these people that we already have systems in place to help those in need, but that GoFundMe is not something we take part in?

GENTLE READER: Taking advantage of your divine intervention for nefarious purposes, Miss Manners has to think, is a special kind of sin. But even if intentions are good, these congregants must recognize that if you cannot do something for everyone, you should not do it for one. In secular terms, it is called policy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am wondering about the dictum that one should reciprocate a dinner invitation with a return invitation. What if one does not want to continue the acquaintance?

This situation has arisen several times over the years, but a recent one raises this unresolved question again. We were invited to a lovely dinner by a local couple. We were given a warm welcome, and the meal was beautifully prepared, taking into account some dietary restrictions of ours. However, the husband became drunk and somewhat abusive. It was an uncomfortable situation.

We left as soon as we gracefully could. We had brought flowers, and sent a thank-you note afterward. We would prefer not to be in that situation again.

GENTLE READER: The rule about reciprocating dinner invitations was meant to promote the pleasant longevity of the friendship. If one does not wish it to continue, Miss Manners assures you, the deal is void. But if it has happened several times, it does make her question the quality of your friends -- or the wine that they are drinking.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee wants her mom and dad to walk her down the aisle. We are Jewish, and although this is not required by Jewish law, it is customary.

Her parents had a terrible divorce, and her dad doesn’t want to walk down the aisle with her mom. Should he have to do this? What’s the solution?

GENTLE READER: Anything that avoids a bickering march down that aisle.

Perhaps you can suggest that one of the parents walk your fiancee down the aisle and the other be given a different distinction, such as performing a reading or making the initial toast.

If there is further squabbling about who does what, Miss Manners suggests you kindly offer one of your own parents to perform the honor. That ought to help everyone quickly fall in line.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)