DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife is in a group of four or five women who get together for brunch once a week. Usually they meet in a restaurant, but occasionally one will host the brunch in her home.

Several weeks ago, my wife hosted the event. After the meal, when she had brought the dishes into the kitchen, she put them on the floor for our dog to lick clean before putting them in the dishwasher.

One of the women walked into the kitchen and saw this, and got physically ill. She said it was the most disgusting thing she had ever seen and will never eat at our house again. Now she is demanding an apology from my wife. Is my wife required to give her one?

GENTLE READER: The image of a dog licking the plate from which you just ate would give most people pause, admittedly for reasons that, strictly speaking, defy logic.

In her head, your guest knew that the plate was not going to be returned to the table -- at least not without first going through a dishwasher. But in her heart, she momentarily thought she was being asked to eat the dog’s leftovers. (Miss Manners realizes that her flights of fancy also defy logic.)

Your wife assumed, incorrectly, that the kitchen was a “backstage” area to which no guest would be admitted. The result was embarrassing to all parties. But counteraccusations -- that your guest was not supposed to see something -- will only raise questions in her mind about what goes on not just after, but before, the food appears on the table. Your wife should apologize and, next time, delay Rocky’s dinner until after the guests have left for the afternoon.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be attending my 30-year class reunion, not having seen many of these people since our last reunion at 10 years.

I am really looking forward to the reunion, except for one thing: I lost my husband about nine months ago to suicide. I have already had well-meaning strangers ask, “What happened? Was he sick?”

I have not been able to come up with a response to this question, nor have I figured out a way to prevent the question from being asked. I want to be able to respect the loss of my husband and don’t want to just say “single” if I’m asked if I’m married.

Do you have an appropriate, respectful answer for me to give? My anxiety over this one issue is threatening to keep me from attending the reunion altogether.

GENTLE READER: Although there is no sure way to prevent the question being asked, there are ways to stop it in its tracks. “It was quite sudden,” with a full stop and a somber expression, was once enough to signal people to change the topic.

If a follow-up is necessary, Miss Manners prefers, “Can we speak about something else?” to the frank, “I’m still not able to talk about it.” The latter may result in your drink partner leaving to find someone more upbeat -- but someone with so little empathy is not, perhaps, much of a loss.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I moved into a new home in a Florida resort community, friends and family began to accept our invitations to visit.

My problem is that they refuse to use the brand-new (and very cute) guest towels provided for them in the guest bathroom. The towels are freshly laundered and consist of one full set for each guest, hanging neatly on towel racks.

Upon checking the bathroom two days into our last visit, to be sure tissues and lavatory paper were still in good supply, I noticed that the guest towels were hanging unused, and various mismatched towels of all sizes from a nearby linen closet were being used and draped over the tub and sink. One guest had gone so far as to use a few dish towels, despite the bath towels being on an adjacent shelf!

When I expressed my wonder, the response was that the guest towels are too good to use. One guest said she thought they were only for decoration, although I specifically told her otherwise when showing her the accommodations. Even after inviting them once more to please enjoy the use of the guest towels, my requests were ignored.

Other than padlocking the linen closet, how do I avoid this?

GENTLE READER: Sounds reasonable to Miss Manners. Nothing else works.

Why refraining from using guest towels is the only universally observed rule of etiquette, she cannot imagine. Yes, children were instructed not to wipe their muddy faces on the guest towels. But they were also taught to sit at the table until everyone was finished, to write letters of thanks, to answer invitations promptly, not to break into lines, not to hit others on the playground, and a bunch of other rules that they no longer observe so strictly.

And did they not notice that these items are called guest towels? So they are meant to be used by guests? So that when they are guests, they are supposed to use them?

Even if they were unable to make that leap, you have repeatedly told them that the towels were for their use. What about the rule of respecting a hostess’s wishes? Or the one prohibiting raiding her closets?

The notion that the towels are “for decoration” is bizarre. Your furniture decorates the house, but you presumably allow the guests to sit on it. If you have pretty plates on the table, should the guests not eat from them?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I respond to a thank-you when it is obvious that the person giving thanks believes my effort was way more than reality?

This false information was perpetuated through the proverbial grapevine, not by me. To explain or downplay my actions seems like false modesty. However, simply accepting the thanks could make me appear to be a fraud, if found out later.

GENTLE READER: Yes, but you will be on the record as having downplayed your heroism.

Therefore Miss Manners recommends overdoing it a bit -- ”No, really, it wasn’t much, I promise you” -- in order to make it memorable.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

GENTLE READERS: We really must protest. It is the American way to speak up against what is wrong, even if we can’t agree about what is.

With that privilege, Miss Manners is lodging a protest against the use of rude confrontations -- public name-calling, in the streets or electronically -- as a form of protest. She expects to be called naive, cowardly and a lot worse. Vented upon. But then, who isn’t, these days?

There are many legitimate forms of protest: voting, marching, demonstrating, chanting, lobbying and participating in public life -- whether to seek office or to help like-minded people do so. These may or may not accomplish the immediate objectives, but they are important expressions of public opinion that can build strength and ultimately prevail.

Even the rate of failure is not like that of venting, which has never accomplished anything. Has even a single person who was called nasty names stopped and thought, “Well, perhaps that’s fair; I should change”?

Predictably, Miss Manners objects to venting because it is rude. Its target is not only the designated one, but everyone else, as it pollutes the public environment. And we are all aware of how often it leads to violence.

But her deepest objection is that it is counter-productive of the very point it wants to make. And by that, she does not count on polite restraint providing a good example, however valuable that would be. People do not admire their victims any more than those under attack admire their attackers.

It is that public confrontation is so conspicuously disruptive and potentially dangerous as to give those who engage in it the false sense that they have accomplished something. Indeed, they have succeeded in upsetting numbers of people, possibly even some unintended targets who would have agreed with them.

Exhilarated by the attention, they stick with that method, thus squandering any time and energy they might put into the forms of protest that might lead to actual change. Miss Manners supposes that if you oppose them, you should be grateful.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We received a wedding invitation that we are unable to accept. I wrote a regret and sent it to the address on the reply card. We would, however, like to give the couple a gift. In looking through the invitation enclosures, we found, to our dismay, that the only “item” for which they registered was money to fund their honeymoon.

I find this distasteful in the extreme, and wonder if Miss Manners has any suggestions for gifts for this couple.

GENTLE READER: A begging bowl in their pattern?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a party, a woman I know fairly well came up behind me and ran her fingers up and down my back in a scratching sort of way. I asked her to please stop, saying that I did not like it.

Her response was, “I know you don’t like to be touched, and that’s why I do it.” She repeated this comment.

I am at a loss as to how I could have responded. Am I doomed to be hugged and pawed by people I would be comfortable only touching me with a handshake?

GENTLE READER: As your acquaintance considers that annoying people is amusing, Miss Manners hopes that she will enjoy your giving a piercing scream the minute she touches you and shouting, “What are you doing?”

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)